To take separate holidays from now on

[Copenhagener]

I’ve always travelled a lot - sometimes with my partner and also solo. We prefer busy itineraries and lots of sightseeing rather than chilling out at the pool.

We now have a 6 month old daughter. Just took her on her first trip to Puglia in Italy with my partner and it’s been underwhelming. His choice of destination.

Our daughter has been great, sleeping through the night and excited by the surroundings which was a pleasant surprise - but the itinerary was too full on (4 hotels, driving every day to new spots, meals out) and he’s quite annoyed by how unrelaxing it is.

There’s the 1-5pm siesta, which doesn’t help with flexibility. He’s now saying he’s sick and grumpy and tired and just wants to chill. I’ve cancelled the last hotel so we can stay in place, but I feel his expectations were unrealistic. I also offered him the chance to fly home early but he didn’t want to.

I’ve told him that in future I’d prefer we holiday separately (at least until daughter is older) as this trip felt like hard work and I’ve not enjoyed it much. I booked a solo trip to northern Greece in September and will take a week off while he stays home with daughter. He’s off to a music festival for a week in July so I feel it’s fair. He says he’s sad we won’t holiday as a family in future, but has barely cracked a smile the whole time we’ve been here.

Am I being unreasonable to take family trips off the table for the next few years and go solo?

With due respect, 8-10 months is peak separation anxiety time and it would probably not be the best point to leave the baby for a week.

Actually rereading your OP, I presume your DH already had his solo trip booked to the festival so absolutely fair enough you take equivalent solo time. I have seen it so many times with young DCs where the DF takes all the breaks, but gets surprised and disappointed when his DP wants to do similar.
If money permits though it’s a real shame to take family holidays off the agenda totally. This holiday didn’t work so next time you try it the way you wanted it at one holiday destination where both you and him get a fair share of relaxation.

What about people who work shifts or who work away for their job?

That’s correct. I already had the solo trip to Greece booked too - it’s not something I did yesterday! He encouraged me to book it (I used to always take one solo trip a year) for when he starts his paternity leave in August.

We had a good conversation over lunch today, and agreed that he’s been too stressed out with work, and we should’ve gone with the simpler trip. It’s really not much about baby - she’s been a happy little thing and has slept well) but all the driving, changing hotels, finding places to eat, getting out the door on time, etc. Lugging her stuff around has been a pain, but we’ve loved seeing her interact with the locals, try some foods for the first time, and see something different to home. We’ve already cancelled the last hotel to stay in one place for 5 days, and only take some minor drives out, and hope that’ll help.

And a big thanks to everyone who provided some experiences of their own and ideas for future trips as a family of three.

We found the holiday adjustment after having a baby / toddler quite hard. A few disasters along the way before “giving in” and going low key when they were tiny. Way easier to chuck everything in the car and drive to Brittany or Devon then face an airport for somewhere fancier.

Actually one year when they were a baby and toddler we didn’t bother and they stayed with granny for 2 nights and we went to a posh hotel an hour away so we could actually relax.

Before you know it she will be 18 and you’ll be having aperol spritzs as a family in Rome!

Holidaying with a small child is actually really good fun because they take enjoyment out of most things. You just have to go at a slower pace. It's much easier than when they are teenagers. When they are teenagers they often don't want to do what you want to do.

I'm not sure what shift work has to do with anything. And yes some people have to work away ... however choosing to go away at that point is probably not the best time.

DH is from Puglia, and we've a house there, so we took DS the first time when he was 8 weeks old, plus of course summer etc.

That said, for our first holiday (ie not going 'home' to Italy), we went to a fly/flop hotel in Tenerife that offered a nursery setting for DS, so we had a bit of down time.

Italians don't really do breakfast; usually a quick coffee/pastry at a bar, unless you're at a hotel where it's included. In Puglia they stick to set hours of lunch, which is hard if you're used to eating later, or grazing, and then you've got that frustrating afternoon wait whilst everything is shut until 5pm. It's a hard rhythm to get into with little ones, especially when 9pm is considered early for dinner.

Was referring to the sandwiches. Anyway most 6 months old babies are in with parents at home

we forgot Ted. Ted was DD's constant companion and the toy she slept with every night. Never forget Ted! We had barely arrived at the airport when we discovered Ted was missing. That was fun.

Oh gosh

I can deal with A LOT. This is just my idea of hell, I would have considered booking a later flight it's that bad 😂

I agree for this year. However be careful about booking too much holiday in advance. If you are returning to work soon and baby is going to nursery you will need time off for the absolute barrage of sickness your baby will get. It will be back to back colds, viruses, tummy upsets etc. Going forward you will enjoy some low key trips will your child but keep them short and realistic.

Thanks for sharing! Yes, we’re normally the quick coffee and pastry types, but by the time my partner is out the door it’s 11am - almost time for lunch and far beyond that point 😅

Dinner so late has been much better, as baby sleeps in her baby nest on the chair next to us, and the puglians have been so accommodating and sweet to her - that’s been a real highlight!

But yes, overall quite a challenge with the hours - I’ve been to Italy a lot before (Sicily last year even) but Puglia takes its siesta time incredibly seriously in comparison.

We’re moving back up to Monopoli area for the rest of our trip, as it was flatter and easier with her, and the accommodation has a kitchen and separate room. We stayed there at the start and loved it, and luckily the kind owner had space for us this week.

The “forgot Ted” post has triggered a traumatic memory. When DD was 4 we went to Copenhagen. All good, lovely break. We didn’t count the cuddlies she took with her and didn’t realise we hadn’t quite collected all of them at the end of the break. Got home, Eeyore was missing. The wailing at bedtime went on for weeks! She still looks a bit sad if something reminds her, and she’s nearly 15.

One of my children is incredibly attached to her cuddly toys- they are like her extended family. My other one doesn’t really care. First child once left behind a favourite toy in the hotel toilets. The wailing and tears when we discovered it was missing was just horrendous. The hotel found it a couple of days later and posted it back and I have never seen a child so happy when it arrived home with a note attached saying it had been on an adventure.

i feel the pain of the previous poster losing a toy in the airport. It would have totally ruined the holiday if that had happened to us.

Ds (15) is autistic and very attached to his teddies. I write a list before we go of who is coming and every single morning I do a roll call of them! They never leave the accommodation (and are often added to in Number during the trip!)

With all due respect, I completely disagree.

Holidays with children are hard work! Maybe need to adjust expectations a little? A nice hotel in France or Italy and just relax really. Life changes when you have a family. Long lie ins are a thing of the past. Maybe a couple of days to sightsee and a couple just chilling by the pool .your trip sounds a bit full on for me!

You're both pretty foolish for not realising that holiday won't work with a young baby. I know you said you suggested something easier, why did you plan and book this trip?

Our first few holidays with our first child were hard and disappointing . We were expecting couples' holidays as we had known them. Once we had accepted that holidays looked different with a little one, we pretty much let her routine shape our days and immediately started to love our holidays again.