Hubby and Stag Do

[RoundFaceNut]

DH has just told me he’d rather go on the stag do to Ibiza than on holiday with me and the kids. We can’t afford both.

He is normally great and has never put friends before his family. Not sure if this is why this has thrown me. It’s the fact he’s said he’d rather go with them than us.

Would you be pissed or let this go. He is part of the wedding party.

I would be very very confused if my husband did this.

does this mean the annual family holiday is out the window as he needs the money for his lads trip?

Is it his brother/best friend’s wedding? That’s different to Jack from 5 a side…

If it means you and the kids don't get a holiday then he is absolutely out of order and very selfish.

Id be pretty annoyed but I don't think he would ever even contemplate this.

What age is he? My DH is just turned 40 and having been to Ibiza twice for a party holiday together and him having been to Stags there, when younger. I think we are too old for partying in Ibiza now .

It would also depend who's Stag it is, I suppose. I don't think id be impressed with DH going to party in Ibiza now full stop as I know what goes on and he'd feel similar about me.

Wouldn’t most parents love to go on an adult holiday when they have small kids? Unfortunately he (presumably) decided to get married and have kids and now they come first. If he’s asking you to consider letting him go rather than just expressing this that’s monumentally selfish.

So is the plan that you take the kids away on your own and he goes to the stag do?

Are you ok with doing that? Will he agree that next year you get a holiday with your friends and he takes the kids away by himself? If he even hesitates at this idea then my response would be a flat no

In addition I’d tell him that if that’s what he wants to do then you expect him to own that decision. So he needs to be comfortable telling all his family and friends that this was completely his choice. If he’s not comfortable with that then it’s a no go

As you’ve said he’s part of the wedding party I’ve voted YABU (and partly for the cringeworthy term ‘hubby’!)

Could you combine both?

You and the kids fly in on the final day and DH continues on with a beach holiday with you and the kids.

I'm going to be really honest.

I loved a family holiday with my children and I love going away with my partner now.

But, i can't honestly say that if presented with the prospect of a fun, carefree holiday with my mates or another family holiday, I wouldn't feel I'd rather go away for a one off trip with my mates 🤷🏻‍♀️

I wouldn't do it at the expense of everyone else having a holiday but, I don't know, the temptation would be there!

Yes that would mean no holiday for me and the kids. I didn’t realise it was going to be abroad. When he told me it was I thought “we will have to do some cut backs and maybe DH can pick some over time up then we’d be able to afford both.” He is part of the wedding party, think close uni friends that had families and don’t see each other regularly at all. Live close too. (To answer question about age, late 30s)

His logic was to sacrifice the family holiday and I currently think he’s a prick! 😂

As a one-off I would think this was fine

Nope, his holiday does not trump the family holiday. We

So he gets a holiday but his wife and children don't?

I feel so much better already, knowing I’m not just being a crank! Thanks MN. ❤️

If it was him not coming then just maybe, this one year but all of you not getting a holiday? Nope.

Nope. If people insist on doing stag/hen do abroad, then they need to accept that not everyone will be able to make it, including those in the wedding party.

Do something more local if you want everyone there.

It bad to .sacrifice the family holiday. I would not be happy about this. I would simply say i can't afford it. I have had to.miss out on big things for this reason- that's life. As for a stag do or family holiday, why is one more attractive to him than the other? No responsibility?

Did he announce that he will be spending your annual travel budget for the stag do or did he start a conversation about it?

I don't think he's in the wrong for wanting to go to the stag. He would be in the wrong if he was using your joint money and he didn't consult you.

I do get where he’s coming from. The stag is a one off. Unlike the family holiday which happened last year and will happen again next year. The stag is this year or never. His mates are presumably all going. It doesn’t sound like he’s done a done a friends holiday since having kids. That doesn’t mean he should necessarily go because the family unit is bigger than just him and you’re all going to miss out on your holiday if he does, but I wouldn’t be pissed off at how he feels and the fact that he’s been honest about it.

To answer a few more questions next year would be our first holiday in three years. We’ve not been able to afford one but have been planning to go next year.

It would be joint funds paying for it.

Wanting to go on the stag would be fine for me if I was still able to have a holiday with the kids. But using the budget just for him would piss me off.

The only reasonable thing would be to do as you suggested OP and find the money separately for the stag. Overtime, sell stuff, an evening job for a couple of months or even an interest free credit card with a plan to repay it.

I don’t think he’s being unreasonable to prefer the idea of going on the stag do, especially as he’s in the wedding party. But if it means no family holiday at all and you don’t get the opportunity to go on holiday too then I’d expect him not to go on the stag do. Disappointing for him but if he can’t afford it then he can’t afford it.

*Halo25 · Today 08:49

As you’ve said he’s part of the wedding party I’ve voted YABU (and partly for the cringeworthy term ‘hubby’!)
cringeworthy or not the term ‘hubby’ is irrelevant. I can refer to her husband as she wants. Not a word I use but take a popular word.

If you could still take the kids on holiday yourself, then yes. As an either/or? Absolutely not. He’s being a dick.