Hubby and Stag Do

[RoundFaceNut]

DH has just told me he’d rather go on the stag do to Ibiza than on holiday with me and the kids. We can’t afford both.

He is normally great and has never put friends before his family. Not sure if this is why this has thrown me. It’s the fact he’s said he’d rather go with them than us.

Would you be pissed or let this go. He is part of the wedding party.

Do you mean that joint funds would also be paying for the stag do?

This is why shared money is bullshit. Of my husband did this I’d just take myself away with the kids!

Sod that for a game of soldiers. He's completely out of order.

When you talk about it if he doesn’t get it you say sweetly, ok, you don’t seem to see my view or care how I feel, so I’m one by one going to ask every one of our friends and family as we see them, if they hadn’t had a family holiday in 3 years, and had planned one, would they be ok with the man canceling it and using the joint savings, saved by both of them, to go on a stag do instead. That way you’ll know who supports you and who is shocked as they had you down as one of the good guys not one of the ones who treat their wife and kids like second class citizens who don’t matter. And I will need to know that people understand if you do go, as otherwise our friends simply won’t know that you’ve sold your kids holiday out to pay for a stag do.

Tell him to get a paper round and save up for his stag do. If there's a holiday fund, he's possibly entitled to a third of it, assuming that a child's holiday works out at half the price of an adult's (depending on accommodation etc).

The OP gets 2/3 of the money to spend on herself and the children.

That’s absolutely awful!

I don’t understand how a stag do would cost similar to a holiday for 4 people anyway.

You might have to go somewhere cheaper but to say the kids will have to miss out just so he doesn’t have to, is really selfish of him.

To “rather”’it in his own head, perfectly ok. Many of us would rather a carefree holiday with adult friends than a family holiday looking after children.

To actually do it, or even contemplate doing it, absolutely not. He doesn’t get to be the only one who gets a holiday.

I'm on holiday atm and have seen lots of fed up looking couples and one mN yelling at a toddler. Could you take kids away without him. Maybe a short break in uk? Family holidays are not what they are cracked up to be. So much pressure. He's still an idiot though. I do wish couples would stop all these hen and stags abroad as its hard on the budget and annual leave. Surely a night out is enough!

Make sure you take at least 2/3 out - the shares for you and your children.

3/4 actually - there's 3 people to his one... childrens holidays are not half price. You pay less tax on plane tickets but the cost of a family room will be the same regardless of 1 or 2 adults.

Lots of families treasure family holidays. We have 3 between 9 & 3 now and love them.

my usual thinking for this type of problem is to find the compromise which might be him going for the last 24 hours of the stag and then on to the family holiday with you, nearby. I think it’s unfair to simply say you and the kids go away together without him as that ain’t a holiday, just you doing double parenting without your home comforts around you. There are certain things like going to a hotel with a pool where you need all hands on deck to keep kids safe in water (if that’s the type of holiday you mean).

You need to be really clear that this isn’t acceptable and that he is making a clear choice about his future by what he does next.
If he’s prepared to throw away his family for a stag do you have bigger problems sadly

Not ok - I have no issues with breaks with friends but as an add on - not ‘instead of’

Agreed

So he wants to go and spend family money on drink and strip clubs/ lap dancing clubs while you and the children stay at home?
He gets to behave like a single guy with no family commitments whilst you and his children don't even get a holiday?

This would end my relationship.

He needs to find a way of earning some more money to cover the costs of his stag do and family holiday.

You've already mentioned he can get overtime, I'd be suggesting that he bloody does a fair amount!

Your only flexibility on the matter should be to agree to move the family holiday to out of season, consider somewhere cheaper (so pick to go to Turkey over Santorini for example) and go for 7 days not 14... but fuck not going at all!!

Can you really not understand?! Men get together and just throw money around like a bunch of cocks! In Ibiza it will be a couple of hundred for a table at a nightclub, €8 a pint in the sports bars and shots coming up to €6 each and they will buy rounds of these at 10-20 shots a time. Pathetic to act like this with a family at home who don't even get a basic all inclusive holiday!

I wouldn't give up my holiday

Whatever is in the holiday fund pot gets split between the number of people on the family. You take yours and the kids share, he takes his one share. He'll then need to top that up with over time etc

I'd still be pissed off at having to take the kids on holiday by myself though. Not exactly a holiday for you...

JOINT money? Family money, meant for a much looked forward to family holiday and he wants to piss it away in Ibiza? Absolutely fucking not.

The deal for me would be there has to be enough money for me to take the kids away without him and he funds Ibiza on his own, or it’s not happening.

What's stopping the OP picking up a few extra shifts? If I was a member of wma wedding party I'd going on the hen/stag 100%

Oh, you know, child care.

OP has to pick up a few extra shifts to pay for her husband to go on his jollies to Ibiza while she stays at home mind the kids & foregoes a family holiday?? WTAF?!!!

So the DH can pick up overtime but DW can't?

No the OP has to pick up a few extra shifts to cover her share. She hasn't said if she works etc

I don't think he is wrong to say he would prefer to go on the stag, I think alot of people would prefer to go on a friend holiday than one with 2 young children, however if you can't afford both he would be a dick to go on the stag, 2 nd those saying could he earn extra to pay for it?