Hubby and Stag Do

[RoundFaceNut]

DH has just told me he’d rather go on the stag do to Ibiza than on holiday with me and the kids. We can’t afford both.

He is normally great and has never put friends before his family. Not sure if this is why this has thrown me. It’s the fact he’s said he’d rather go with them than us.

Would you be pissed or let this go. He is part of the wedding party.

I honestly don’t think it’s a massive stretch to believe someone would rather go on a fun carefree holiday with friends than a family holiday on the basis of what I’ve heard and read on here that holidays with kids are not exactly relaxing… BUT as this would be in lieu of a family holiday I absolutely don’t think he should go or at the very least he should be doing what he can to make sure you can have a holiday as well.

This is sad. You've not had a family holiday in 3 years, how long will it be until the next one? Your children could go 4-5 years plus without a holiday, that is not on. If he could easily afford it fine but not under these circumstances.

Nope. He doesn’t get to unilaterally decide that none of you three get a holiday because he wants one (without you).

You either do both or the family holiday. He must have known that having a wife and kids would mean some sacrifices?

Could you and the kids not book your own holiday? It would be cheaper as you wouldn’t have the cost of the extra adult, and then he can go on his stag?

I think if he is otherwise good I wouldn’t be too bothered about this because a stag do is a rare occurrence, I’d just book something for myself instead. If it was him choosing a lads holiday every year then that’s obviously different but as a one off for a stag do, I wouldn’t be too bothered about this, I’d just do something with the kids myself

It would be crap of him even if he hadn’t presented it as a fair accompli.

I think if he’d acknowledged it was crap of him, and asked if there was any way to make it work and made it clear that he wouldn’t sulk if it turned out not to be possible I might have tried to help him make it work. But he didn’t.

@RoundFaceNut have you said to him that no holiday after 3 years saving to pay for his holiday is totally selfish and unkind for you and his children?

You need to put your foot down and tell him that either he comes up with the EXTRA money on his own or that he doesn't go.

Do you've not had a family holiday in 3 years, you've jointly saved money for a family holiday this year. He wants to use this money for a holiday for himself, meaning you and the kids don't get a holiday.
I think this is horribly selfish behaviour. How can he go on holiday and enjoy himself knowing his wife and children won't have had a holiday for 4 years, just so he can.

If he insists on going, make sure you take out any money that you put into that joint fund and keep it for you and the kids.

This!!

Have you said this to him ?

Then tell him that exactly that - it doesn’t come out of joint funds because joint funds are for family/joint purchases

you are happy to facilitate him working overtime to go etc, save his own spending money etc but it is not a joint expense

He needs to fund it himself by selling bits of his stuff, working overtime etc. He shouldn’t think his trip abroad should come at the sacrifice of his family’s holiday or come from pooled funds.

How old are your kids? That would make a difference to me?

Children grow older every year, this years holiday will not be the same as next.

This should not even be a debate in my opinion, he can't afford to go on the stag do end of.

So why is he not doing any overtime to cover the cost?

This is definitely unreasonable - joint funds should not be used for a stag do. If he insists on going take your money out of the bank account and use it for you and the kids.

Kids are 2 and 4. I’ve not said anything yet because I’m so bloody angry I don’t think I’d get my point across. I will be taking my share out the joint fund - good idea. When I calm down I’ll have a discussion with all your advice and update you all! Thanks again.

What the???? Whether or not he would rather go on this than the family holiday is utterly irrelevant. It's not his money it's joint money for the family holiday. He can't afford to go, that money is not available for his use, the audacity!

Family holiday must come first in terms of money. If he can afford to go on stage too then lucky for him.

Make your feelings clear OP

Sounds like for the previous 3 years the children have been so little that “family holiday” seemed a waste of time and money so he has got used to it. You were actually really waiting for it and looking forward to it. He thinks that it doesn’t make a difference to you as it will just be regular life.

Sit him down and tell him that you are taking your half out of the pot. He can figure out how to get to the stag. And when he gets back you will take the equivalent amount if time and go on a solo break while he looks after the kids.

Actually i think you should take 75% of the pot to cover the kids. Holidays are not cheap!

What a selfish cunt, I would find it hard to get over such a selfish act

Nope!
He pays for stag himself.
Family holiday comes out of joint funds. Although he would need to do phenomenal amounts of sucking up and apologising to be included in that right now.

To be honest if it's a bucket and spade type package holiday it wouldn't make much difference..in fact it might be cheaper if he went as many places like TUI do a free place for under 12s for each adult. I get the appeal of a friend's holiday over a family one.. completely, but in this scenario its not ok for him to commandeer the entire family budget for himself.

I’d be irritated by this. Fair enough of you can afford both but he needs to grow up.