Hubby and Stag Do

[RoundFaceNut]

DH has just told me he’d rather go on the stag do to Ibiza than on holiday with me and the kids. We can’t afford both.

He is normally great and has never put friends before his family. Not sure if this is why this has thrown me. It’s the fact he’s said he’d rather go with them than us.

Would you be pissed or let this go. He is part of the wedding party.

Yes because he relies on her for childcare. Plus its his extra, non family, expense.

He is taking the piss, based on this. If it were a yearly occurrence, going away as a family, perhaps I would be slightly more understanding (although would expect him to exhaust every option to try and do both!) but he’s being so selfish!!

Who looks after the kids when OP works?

Events like this don't come around often and it's important to be there for friends imo.

You are very confused about how joint family money works. Regardless of who earns it all family members benefit from it and have a claim on it. Non working spouses, especially those doing the child care for young children, contribute materially to the overall success of the household or else wealthy families wouldn’t choose this pattern so frequently. At any rate the planned family trip was jointly saved for and is jointly owned.

Given your financial situation he should not have accepted the invite to the stag so holiday.

If you could afford both then that would be fine for him to go to the stag so as well as holidaying with his family.

His duty is towards his children and you and he is clearly not willing to provide for you all.

When I see threads like this I’m so glad we have separate money. No way would a stag do be taking away a summer holiday from me. My DH would feel the same if it was a Hen.

I will ask again - are you really saying she has to pick up extra shifts to cover HER SHARE (what ever that is!) of his boys' trip to Ibiza?? Yet again WTAF???!!!

That must be hurtful for you to hear. If he can’t afford both he should without a doubt be going on holiday with you and your child. That would be the right decision for any decent man to make. What kind of a man goes on holiday (stag do) spending money enjoying himself while his wife doesn’t get a holiday that year. Bless you, you deserve to be treated kinder than this. If he wants to go on the stag do as well as a holiday with you he should get extra work to afford the stag do on top. I’d hit the roof. Plus I’d be very wary of what some men would get up to on a stag do but I was lucky that mine was incredibly faithful and respectful but you do hear of some men going to places I’d consider as equivalent of being unfaithful. Best of luck xx

Share of what??
She's not going!

And he already wants to take her share of their savings!

Not at the expense of your family

I honestly believe you should put your foot down now. It’s the first time he’s been like this and he needs to be aware he’s crossed a boundary. What kind of man puts a stag do before his partner and kids? I find it quite disgraceful. I hope his reaction to that will be he thinks it through and gets it. Hopefully if you sort it now he’ll be so much more considerate. You don’t want this to be the start of him doing whatever he wants even if it affects you and the kids.

If he's part of the wedding party he should go to the stag but he needs to make sacrifices in other ways to ensure you also get a holiday. Even if it's camping

And what if the OP never WANTS to go camping?

And there is no 'should' about hen and stag parties

It’s a one off thing, it would be shit for him to miss it. He can go on a family holiday anytime. Let him have his fun

OP would you husband be embarrassed for his mates to know he can’t go? And for financial reasons?

So the other three can not only whistle, but pay for it?

Sod that

Sometimes friends should come before family. This is one of those times. If he had a track record of never prioritising you and the kids I’d think differently but as a one-off it shouldn’t be a problem. This is why I’d never have joint money though outside of contributions to bills/mortgage/rent etc. I wouldn’t want someone feeling I was taking “their” share to spend on myself, nor would I want to have to consider the other person every time I spent money on something that only benefited me.

I know that I may be old fashioned here, but there is NO WAY that I would be happy if my DH suggested this. It's not the fact of him wanting to go to the stag do, but the fact that he'd even consider going, at the expense of the rest of the family, and then expect ME to help fund it. In fact, if he did say something like that, he'd better back down pretty bloody quickly, or he'd be taking a permanent holiday, on his own!!

I think it's a disgusting that he's really given absolutely zero fucks as to how you or your children would feel about this OP, and in your shoes would be asking myself how long me and the kids have come at the bottom of his list.

Well I'm sure he would. But that's not how family life works, is it? You don't see your children go without a holiday so you can go with your mates. If he wants to go that badly he needs to come up with a way to afford both. Save harder. Sell something. Second Job...

Iove camping so I'm biased :)

Camping is not a holiday for me - absolutely no way would this be OK.
It's up to OP what she decides, but considering they have been saving for 3years for a family holiday I doubt it's a camping trip.

I think your best way forward is to tell him this and that it’s 2 holidays needed.

@TimeForABreak4

why?? And 40 isn’t old!

@Maddy70

most people hate it though. Would rather stay at home.

So there's been no holiday for 3 years and he's using family money to go solo to Ibiza and fuck you guys?

Fucking selfish asshole.

His ass would be burnt toast. I would see if my 🦂 bud had some appealing nuclear revenge options.

This sounds like a sudden behavioural switch from what OP has said of his family involvement. This almost seems like a warning shot fired across your bow.