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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Full Bush or Shaven Haven?

208 replies

Lardychops · 24/05/2025 00:07

Been on a work training /away day today.
Largely female dominated professional (children’s social care)
As usual in the down time amidst all the doom n gloom of the days agenda me and colleagues get into the really important, off the record team bonding stuff - OLD, step kids, menopause, weightloss jabs, difficult teens , GcSEs, holidays, moaning about the management etc etc .
Two colleagues got into the subject of pubic hair removal (as you do in market town village hall on a Friday afternoon) as one felt strongly that the act of removing pubic hair is deeply anti- feminist. Fair point I guess.

She got lots of push back from the shaven havens, landing strippers, and trim triangle havers. Only one other person said they are au natural but caveated that with not currently in a relationship nor looking.
She went onto suggest that while for young males this is probably a natural expectation in a partner due to socialisation via pornograpgy, any man of ‘our age’ ( 40s/50s) who wouldn’t be averse to a hairless minge is virtually paedophile adjacent!!
I thought that was a bit strong to be honest.
Did get me thinking though.
I’m completely in the shaven haven camp, personally - Much prefer it. I believe I’m still a feminist though.
I go swimming most mornings and in the open changing room it occurred to me that not seen a full bush in years.

OP posts:
Createausername1970 · 24/05/2025 08:19

I didn't realise, but once you get to a certain age, your pubes migrate to your chin.

Shaving, or not, down there is no longer a dilemma - but I don't leave the house without a quick go-over my chin!

MyOliveHelper · 24/05/2025 08:19

dontcomeatme · 24/05/2025 08:17

I have gone down on both men and woman, I agree long hair gets in the way, but I also find fully shaven awful. Its like a man's beard, friction burn city its horrible! It's okay for the first day or so but as the hair grows back it's soo thick it does not feel nice in any way. Like bloody sandpaper.

Hence me saying it doesnt have to be totally shaven. But yes untrimmed pubes make oral sex unpleasant for the giver unless you're into the hair thing as a sort of fetish. Could be why some husbands refuse to give oral sex. Especially if you're also only showering every few days, too.

EleanorReally · 24/05/2025 08:19

oral sex is over rated!

HeySugarSugar · 24/05/2025 08:21

I’m in my 50s and have never shaved - had a boyfriend in the early 90s who asked me to and I was horrified that he wanted me to look like a pre pubescent girl and told him to fuck off. Been married 30 years and dh has never requested I shave! I’m very glad not to have to bother 😄

LindtCurves · 24/05/2025 08:27

Swanlame · 24/05/2025 07:31

You know what your adult daughters have their intimate body hair like? WTAF
this thread is so fucking disturbing

Yes, some people are body confident and do sports activities with their family members, get changed together etc... I've seen half the women in my health club naked, nevermind my own female family members. Have you heard of Germany?

This is a predominantly women's forum and anonymous. If we can't openly discuss women's issues such as periods, menopause, or pubic hair here, where should we discuss them? (Other than work events like the OP obviously 😇)

Attitudes like these is why women 'struggle alone' with endometriosis, PCOS, not tolerating the pill, hormonally driven mental health, body changes, things that men do that might actually not be ok etc. If you don't talk about it, you don't know. Same with seeing other 'average' human bodies naked, not just models in magazines, but I don't think you're ready for that conversation.

If pubic hair or other topics disgust you, you don't have to read the relevant threads.

Lardychops · 24/05/2025 08:29

Nothankyov · 24/05/2025 00:26

I’m not quite sure what to make of this honestly. Why is shaving hair anti- feminist? How bizarre.🤦‍♀️

Edited

The removal of body hair has historically been a hugely contentious issue in feminism.
from this thread and comments like yours, I can see that view has shifted a lot/is a bit of a non issue now. Which is great. X

OP posts:
MyOliveHelper · 24/05/2025 08:29

EleanorReally · 24/05/2025 08:19

oral sex is over rated!

For lots of women, its one of the ways they are most likely to have an orgasm.

Lardychops · 24/05/2025 08:31

MiloMinderbinder925 · 24/05/2025 00:46

I think looking like a prepubescent is a bit fucked up and it comes from porn. Shaving meant that the genitals were more easily visible and of course it was a bit 'naughty' before it became mainstream.

Yes I think that comparison is very unpleasant too.

OP posts:
MsPug · 24/05/2025 08:32

YankSplaining · 24/05/2025 01:11

I’m a bisexual woman who’s not in a relationship with a woman, but yeah, I agree. Hairless vulvas make me flash back to changing my daughters’ diapers. 😱

Edited

Right that's just weird

HangingOver · 24/05/2025 08:33

Ahsheeit · 24/05/2025 00:31

Generally can't be arsed and call the council once a year when it gets out of control 😉

HAhAHAHA

Lardychops · 24/05/2025 08:34

StarlightLady · 24/05/2025 05:30

Proud feminist in my 40s here. I have a full Hollywood wax every 4 weeks. Looking at myself in a mirror l can’t remember what l looked like with pubic hair (with the exception of a little regrowth), it’s less sweaty and l think looks better. For the same reason l remove my underarm hair. Feminist can go for what they think looks better too.

As for the usual arguments.

  1. Pre-pubescent look. The same could be said for leg and underarm hair removal. And men who shave their faces.
  2. All porn inspired. Epilation was a feature offered in Ancient Rome and Ancient Greek bathhouses, it’s nothing new.
  3. Panders to men. I know lesbians who sport a Hollywood. I’ve also been asked by some men over the years to grow it.
  4. It is there for a reason. The human body was not designed, it evolved. In some instances very badly.

Finally it’s an individual choice which has no impact on anyone else, but whether l sport a bush or not does not make me any more or any less a feminist.

Great post

OP posts:
EleanorReally · 24/05/2025 08:34

is no one else doing No Mow May?

Mischance · 24/05/2025 08:35

It is a feminist issue. No woman should ever have to change her body to suit a man, especially when the wish to see shaven pubes is porn-driven. And you can't get anything more anti-feminist than porn.

Lardychops · 24/05/2025 08:36

EBearhug · 24/05/2025 01:37

She went onto suggest that while for young males this is probably a natural expectation in a partner due to socialisation via pornograpgy, any man of ‘our age’ ( 40s/50s) who wouldn’t be averse to a hairless minge is virtually paedophile adjacent!!

It is a feminist issue if you are doing it only for the benefit of men, or if it is an expectation through socialisation or porn.

I have never shaved my legs, though I have waxed them a few times, but usually I can't be bothered. I have sometimes wondered how my feminist principles would hold up in this matter if I weren't naturally pretty sparse of hair. No one has yet run screaming from the swimming pool as a result.

I have shaved sometimes, with a strip left, because I like how it feels, particularly if they're going down on me. But quite often, I can't be bothered. I am early 50s and have dated a few men in the last few years. Some have strong preferences, others don't. Whether I pander to those preferences depends more on me than them. I prefer them to be trimmed, but it's not essential.

Girls at school talked about shaving their legs, but I don't think I'd heard of shaving public hair till I was an adult, and I think thr first time was in the context of thr risk of HIV if you cut yourself (it was the time of the AIDS epidemic.) I don't know if I'd have ever thought about it without porn, even if it's not an overt influence.

Still, if it does come up, I do like to mention how originally people did it to get rid of lice. And that public luce are becoming endangered because of the lack of habitat these days. It's just the sort of conversation to get someone in the mood.

🤭😆

OP posts:
MyOliveHelper · 24/05/2025 08:37

Mischance · 24/05/2025 08:35

It is a feminist issue. No woman should ever have to change her body to suit a man, especially when the wish to see shaven pubes is porn-driven. And you can't get anything more anti-feminist than porn.

Why do you assume they are shaving for a man? What about lesbians who shave?

Lardychops · 24/05/2025 08:39

Bitchesbelike · 24/05/2025 00:51

None of your fucking business (or
anyone elses for that matter)

does anyone expect men to carry out topiary on their bodies?!

Loads blokes ‘manscape’
Ive got four sons - 3 remove all their chest hair.
Bloody shower always getting blocked!

OP posts:
ThisUsernameIsNowTaken · 24/05/2025 08:39

I find the feminist argument really stupid. Why have most women in the UK got long hair on their heads? I'll tell you why - because it's the fashion / expected, so how liberated are we in that department? I shave mine (pubes) because the hair gets really itchy and also gross beyond a certain length, especially at my time of the month. It's certainly not my husband dictating how I look down there; in fact he wants me to grow a bush because I've not had one for so long and it would turn him on.

hangingonfordearlife1 · 24/05/2025 08:39

ProudCat · 24/05/2025 06:32

I used to live in the middle east ... Hair doesn't 'trap' sweat, it facilitates it, and sweating is how the body regulates its temperature. In other words, shaving makes you hotter. Shower first thing, before nap, after nap, before dinner and before bed. Sweat only stinks when it's stale.

I don't shave, don't see it as a feminist issue, your body and your choice. However, see above re: hotter, have noticed over the years, including during menopause, that I seem to be generally really good at regulating body temperature. Friends who stopped shaving to see if that helped with hot flashes found it to be a positive move, also with switching from anti perspirant to deodorant.

Edited

yes have lived here 15 years so think we know best what works for our bodies by now

Lardychops · 24/05/2025 08:40

Velmy · 24/05/2025 01:32

And in answer to OPs question, I can't abide mine being anything other than smooth as Kojak's head.

I Raise you Yul Brinner …

OP posts:
PizzaSophiaLoren · 24/05/2025 08:41

Ahsheeit · 24/05/2025 00:31

Generally can't be arsed and call the council once a year when it gets out of control 😉

Brilliant!

I also heard a full bush being called “the full English” on here.

Lardychops · 24/05/2025 08:41

EmpressaurusKitty · 24/05/2025 06:33

Shaven haven is a really creepy phrase.

Sort of meant to be lighthearted and flippant not creepy.

OP posts:
NOTANUM · 24/05/2025 08:41

Still, if it does come up, I do like to mention how originally people did it to get rid of lice. And that public luce are becoming endangered because of the lack of habitat these days. It's just the sort of conversation to get someone in the mood.
@EBearhug 😂

Lardychops · 24/05/2025 08:45

Swanlame · 24/05/2025 06:47

Call me old fashioned but I’d rather those working in ‘children’s social care’ maybe not be spending hours discussing their pubic hair? Bit fucking weird.

Ha!
Its the downtime, the humour, the filthy/banal chats and the dark/gallows humour that build the camaraderie and gets you though the week luv!

Without that we’d all go around the twist. (And do something else for less hours and more dosh)

OP posts:
StarlightLady · 24/05/2025 08:47

WaltzingWaters · 24/05/2025 06:54

My fiancé does trim, yes. As do I. Neither of us want to be constantly plucking stray hairs from our mouth whilst giving oral.

Also, it’s itchy and hot when I do get lazy about things!

I do!

Plus l’ve shaved a few men in my time.

Littledidsheknow · 24/05/2025 08:47

Swanlame · 24/05/2025 07:31

You know what your adult daughters have their intimate body hair like? WTAF
this thread is so fucking disturbing

Eh? How?
I know one of my DDs leaves all her body hair: she complains about the expectation on women to remove it, and says she doesn’t remove anything.

Other DD I wild swim with, so we’re getting changed together, with other women.

What’s grim about that?