Is it me, or are these friends exploiting us?

[JohnPrescottsPyjamas]

Posted before about this couple who sold their house and wanted to stay in our place whilst we were away on holiday.

We’ve been friends for several years. Great company, charming people, but incredibly disorganised and unable to prioritise their life - not our problem, except they have a habit of offloading their crises onto those around them. Everything is always left to the last minute and I don’t know how they do it, but they manage to get a freebie off someone or get everyone running around after them, whether it’s a friend of a friend offering holiday accommodation, a cheap decorator or last minute dog sitter etc etc. For example, DH ended up doing an exceptionally long airport run for them recently because they didn’t want to take their car, the more convenient local airport didn’t fly on a day that suited them (it was to another freebie overseas apartment) and the lift was presented to him as, “are you still ok to take us to……” which he felt obliged to do as he said he honestly couldn’t remember agreeing to, but felt he couldn’t let them down! No offer of petrol etc, just bought DH a coffee and a cake.

They sold their house, have made a nice profit, now cash buyers and looking to downsize, but they have have not planned where they were going to live, refuse to pay for a short term rental and are essentially sofa surfing until they find somewhere to buy. They’ve dropped great big hints suggesting they could stay with us for around a month whilst they search as we “have the room” as clearly they have outstayed their welcome the other friends they have been staying with. We do have the space, and there is no reason why I should say no, but I’m beginning to feel a bit of a mug.

AIBU to say no as it’s only a month and we’ve been friends for a long time, or is not unreasonable to say no, they need to make their own arrangements?

Cheeky fuckers. They can airbnb for a month.

Not a hope! DO NOT do it! They sound like freeloading users.

Cfs, there's no way i'da taken them to airport either

Er, time to deploy the old MN favourite, "No, that doesn't work for us". DO NOT utter the word "sorry" at any time, do not elaborate, just repeat as required. Not your job to find them an alternative either, don't get sucked in.

I'd say something like I don't enjoy house guests and I'm not putting anyone up for a month.

Just say "no, that doesn't work for us". CFs can find another mug, or if they have cash from their house sale they can afford an airbnb for a month or so!

Absolutely not and you know it would end up being more than a month.

There is a reason you can say no - you don't want to.

I almost admire the cheek, I would never have the nerve.

But they're so thick skinned I highly doubt you can offend them by saying no.

"Hi CFs, that won't work for us, I am sure you will find an alternative"

Don't justify or explain or they will try and talk you round.

God no. And there’s no way it would ‘just’ be a month.

Have your response ready to go, and make sure your DH is also prepped.

Something like, 'nope, lots going on, definitely not up for house sharing for the foreseeable'. You could add a 'sorry' on the end if you feel like it. But the main thing is be prepared, don't get blindsided!

House guests are like fish they stink after 3 days. Do not let them stay.

Why would you be friends with people like this?

“They’ve dropped great big hints suggesting they could stay with us for around a month whilst they search as we “have the room”

CFs. No way would I be about to accommodate them. A month is a long time, and you’d end up feeding and watering them for all that time, and in essence running a hotel, to say nothing of having your lives disrupted by them watching stuff you don’t like on telly. There’s no way I’d even contemplate such an arrangement, quite apart from the fact that you might choose to have other visitors of your choosing to come over the next month.

there is no reason why I should say no

1. you don't want to
2. It will be for more than a month
3. you don't want to
4. you don't need a reason to say no
5. you don't want to

You know full well what will happen - they'll bring chaos into your lives, cost you a fortune in extra food and drink, stay for much longer than a month.

If they are really good long standing friends - tell them they need to put their hands in their pockets and pay for a short term let / airbnb

They say a month but in reality at least 6 months, tbh even a month is too much intrusion, I’d say no we like our place to ourselves and suggest a air bnb

As I seem to say very frequently on here, there is no cheeky fucker without a wet lettuce to accommodate him/her. Don’t be that wet lettuce, OP.

You could have ten spare rooms. That doesn’t mean you need to put them up. Their predicament is their predicament, and their issue to sort out. Be cheerfully deaf to ‘hints’, and offer a flat negative to direct requests. ‘Oh, no, that wouldn’t work for us. I’ve realised I just no longer like having people to stay, even for a weekend.’

Absolutely bizarre! I would probably burst out laughing if someone sold their house for hundreds of thousands then tried to live at mine indefinitely because they hadn't bothered buying a new one or it wasn't 'ready'?!

Obviously just decline. But make it plain it's a pretty outrageous thing to ask of anyone.

A month will feel like a year. NOPE.

The average time to buy a house is several months...there is no chance they will be in a new house in a month.

You need to be firm with people like this as they have no shame and will steamroll over you if you let them. Honestly you sound too nice and they are taking advantage of that.

Never let anyone move in with you. They'll be a nightmare to get rid of.

You should definitely do it.

it will be fine - as they are good friends of yours, it only feels fair that you should provide accommodation and fund their living expenses whilst they are between homes.

after all, their needs, comfort and lifestyle requirements are higher priority than yours.

Let us know how it goes 🤩

I admire their cheekiness, it’s a trait I don’t have. But I would also say no in their case. You would bear all the costs of them living with you, the cleaning and disruption. And you might find you wouldn’t be very good friends at the end of it.

“Sorry no, I can’t stand having people stay for more than a day or two, you’re best getting an AirBnb. Oh and by the way, you still owe DH £X for the petrol money to the airport and back”.

They’re being CFs because you’re being a doormat too kind. Once you assert yourself they’ll find someone else to go and leech off.

YANBU. They seem to expect everyone around them to put themselves out to facilitate their preferences.

I'm sure they'll find some other mug to sort this for them so they don't have to do the responsible thing and sort their own housing, but no need to enable this silliness.

Big bag of nope. Their problem is not your problem. You have not invited them. You do not want them to stay. Therefore, not staying. And “are you still ok to take us to……” would have got "oh goodness no, you must have been mistaken if you thought I had offered. Hope you have a great trip though".