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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it me, or are these friends exploiting us?

428 replies

JohnPrescottsPyjamas · 23/05/2025 14:24

Posted before about this couple who sold their house and wanted to stay in our place whilst we were away on holiday.

We’ve been friends for several years. Great company, charming people, but incredibly disorganised and unable to prioritise their life - not our problem, except they have a habit of offloading their crises onto those around them. Everything is always left to the last minute and I don’t know how they do it, but they manage to get a freebie off someone or get everyone running around after them, whether it’s a friend of a friend offering holiday accommodation, a cheap decorator or last minute dog sitter etc etc. For example, DH ended up doing an exceptionally long airport run for them recently because they didn’t want to take their car, the more convenient local airport didn’t fly on a day that suited them (it was to another freebie overseas apartment) and the lift was presented to him as, “are you still ok to take us to……” which he felt obliged to do as he said he honestly couldn’t remember agreeing to, but felt he couldn’t let them down! No offer of petrol etc, just bought DH a coffee and a cake.

They sold their house, have made a nice profit, now cash buyers and looking to downsize, but they have have not planned where they were going to live, refuse to pay for a short term rental and are essentially sofa surfing until they find somewhere to buy. They’ve dropped great big hints suggesting they could stay with us for around a month whilst they search as we “have the room” as clearly they have outstayed their welcome the other friends they have been staying with. We do have the space, and there is no reason why I should say no, but I’m beginning to feel a bit of a mug.

AIBU to say no as it’s only a month and we’ve been friends for a long time, or is not unreasonable to say no, they need to make their own arrangements?

OP posts:
Shatteredallthetimelately · 23/05/2025 14:47

Although maybe not impossible and though cash buyers what are the chances they'll even find a property and be moved out within a month?

You can possibly add a few extra months on to that, that's if they don't get to comfy at yours and infact decide there's no rush to find somewhere.

Are they the "after all wer'e going into winter there's not a lot about on the market, maybe well wait until spring and see whats about" type?

If they're that cheeky will they expect it all on you?

Can you potentially afford the extra money you may have to stump up in utility bills, food, them tagging along on days out?

It would be a no from me, even if they get at DH and he then tries to convince me, it'll still be a no.

DancingFerret · 23/05/2025 14:48

Not a chance.

Our home is our sanctuary; we would struggle to share it for longer than a weekend, even with our closest and most considerate friends - although we wouldn't abandon them in the event their house became uninhabitable through no fault of their own.

latetothefisting · 23/05/2025 14:48

As long as they stay hints, great big ones or not, easiest (and most fun) way is to keep pretending they are going straight over your head.

Only if they ask directly do you need to bring out one of the examples mentioned - while "no is a full sentence" etc I do think something a bit more friendly like @DollopOfFun suggested is what I'd go for. But do not say yes! Not even for a weekend!

myplace · 23/05/2025 14:49

Gosh no- we wouldn’t like that at all. We’re used to having our own space and value our privacy.

LillyPJ · 23/05/2025 14:50

They might say 'only a month' but that could well turn into much longer. I bet they wouldn't offer to pay towards your utility bills etc either so it would end up with you out of pocket. Don't let them into your house!

Theoldbird · 23/05/2025 14:50

I don’t know how they do it, but they manage to get a freebie off someone or get everyone running around after them

They manage it because their friends enable them. Take your dh for example doing the long slog to the airport even though he doesn't remember agreeing to and 'didn't want to let them down'. He should have said he hadn't offered and wasn't able to do it.

WayneEyre · 23/05/2025 14:51

No, don't overthink it. They'll take it on the chin and try someone else. Sounds like they bounce through life asking favours without shame, and if it's an eventual no it's a no. Just be clear, civil and firm and they'll move on.

Sunnybutchilly · 23/05/2025 14:51

refuse to pay for a short term rental

Adopt the same rigid response. Refuse to host them. CFs.

No wonder they’re in such a favourable financial position.

LlynTegid · 23/05/2025 14:53

Just say no.

In a way you are helping them to face reality by doing so. Perhaps also then they will not ask someone in future whose response is less charitable.

threeeggsontoast · 23/05/2025 14:53

Think of it this way - if they stay with you for a month, it could well destroy your friendship. If they’re not keen on paying their way, presumably you’d be expected to feed them too? If it were me, I’d politely decline.

Bruisername · 23/05/2025 14:54

If they re just hinting then I would ignore

if they ask outright I would answer ‘I value our friendship too much to say yes’ big smile, walk away

murasaki · 23/05/2025 14:54

Hard no, they are total cheeky fuckers.

Totallytoti · 23/05/2025 14:54

You feel like a mug because you are. You are the only one giving them permission to take advantage of you. No one forced your dh to get in his car and drive, he willingly drove to this far out airport of his own choice.
you know they are users but still asking what to do 😒

FamBae · 23/05/2025 14:55

It won't be a month, conveyancing takes an age these days, if they have only just offered it could be nearer 6 months.

MostlyHappyMummy · 23/05/2025 14:57

They know you'll agree to it

ThatLimeCat · 23/05/2025 14:57

They are give an inch take a mile people, I'm concerned you'll have them in the house for months. Ignore the hints, if they ask explicitly be prepared with a no and a solid excuse. They seem like people you'll need an excuse with.

Bollindger · 23/05/2025 14:57

Say this.
oh friends we don’t do that as we want to stay friends .
They say but only for a month.
Sorry not interested in hosting.
maybe you could book air b n b and have a holiday or test the area your looking at.

Isitreallythough · 23/05/2025 15:00

Probably not. It’ll be longer, won’t it, and if they’re not in dire need…
Would they do it for you?

PullTheBricksDown · 23/05/2025 15:01

ThatLimeCat · 23/05/2025 14:57

They are give an inch take a mile people, I'm concerned you'll have them in the house for months. Ignore the hints, if they ask explicitly be prepared with a no and a solid excuse. They seem like people you'll need an excuse with.

Agree. I know it should be fine to just say no but these are tricky customers. I would say I have various family members staying at different times so no, there is no room. Should they come round, it will be when one set of relatives has just left and you're hustling to clean before the next lot arrive on Monday 😉
Make sure your DH is fully briefed on this as he seems like the easily talked around link in the chain.

JaneGrint · 23/05/2025 15:02

“Only a month”!!!! 🤣🤣

There’s very few people that I’d want as house guests for more than a long weekend.

From what you say, they can afford a short term rental, they’d just rather not, for whatever reason. I’d be firmly ignoring any hints they throw in your direction. And be preparing ways to say “no” if they ask you directly!

PaulKnickerless · 23/05/2025 15:02

Even as cash buyers with a straightforward purchase, it can still take 6 months before moving, so there is no way. They need to find a longer term Airbnb or a cheap 6 month tenancy. You will be lumbered with them if you say yes.

EveryOtherNameTaken · 23/05/2025 15:02

Pretend you can't pick up the hints.

Middlechild3 · 23/05/2025 15:05

Just say no, sorry no. No. No etc

newfriend05 · 23/05/2025 15:05

Please tell us when you tell them no ! Because CFs like this will still try it

Scottishskifun · 23/05/2025 15:06

OP I get the whole wanting to help friends out in difficult situations but this isn't one of those. Your friends are not homeless because they have suffered some sort of crisis, are struggling financially or fleeing some horrible circumstances.

They have no where to stay because they are tight and simply don't want to pay!

Even as a cash buyer the process is very very rarely 4 weeks even if they have found something to put an offer in on.

If asked just say afraid that doesn't work for us have you checked air bnb, vrbo etc etc