Is it me, or are these friends exploiting us?

[JohnPrescottsPyjamas]

Posted before about this couple who sold their house and wanted to stay in our place whilst we were away on holiday.

We’ve been friends for several years. Great company, charming people, but incredibly disorganised and unable to prioritise their life - not our problem, except they have a habit of offloading their crises onto those around them. Everything is always left to the last minute and I don’t know how they do it, but they manage to get a freebie off someone or get everyone running around after them, whether it’s a friend of a friend offering holiday accommodation, a cheap decorator or last minute dog sitter etc etc. For example, DH ended up doing an exceptionally long airport run for them recently because they didn’t want to take their car, the more convenient local airport didn’t fly on a day that suited them (it was to another freebie overseas apartment) and the lift was presented to him as, “are you still ok to take us to……” which he felt obliged to do as he said he honestly couldn’t remember agreeing to, but felt he couldn’t let them down! No offer of petrol etc, just bought DH a coffee and a cake.

They sold their house, have made a nice profit, now cash buyers and looking to downsize, but they have have not planned where they were going to live, refuse to pay for a short term rental and are essentially sofa surfing until they find somewhere to buy. They’ve dropped great big hints suggesting they could stay with us for around a month whilst they search as we “have the room” as clearly they have outstayed their welcome the other friends they have been staying with. We do have the space, and there is no reason why I should say no, but I’m beginning to feel a bit of a mug.

AIBU to say no as it’s only a month and we’ve been friends for a long time, or is not unreasonable to say no, they need to make their own arrangements?

Wow they are professional freeloaders and really know how to play the game don't fall for it OP

No Fucking way. Would you treat friends like this?

I met someone like this once: it seemed like a compulsion

’Can I borrow your (professional equipment), I’ve forgotten mine’

’Can I photocopy your entire textbook, I don’t want to buy one’

’Getting a coffee? Oh I’d love one thanks!’

they had plenty of money - I think exploiting other people is a thrill for the rare few

Use this one OP, it really works! Will stop them in their tracks, and you might (although I doubt it) even get some petrol money out of them, although doubtless they won't have been to the bank, so be prepared with 'Oh, don't worry, I'll give you our bank details, you can pay it straight in then'.

on the one hand I quite admire their thick skinned gall, on the other I thnk they are horrendously rude piss takers

It takes longer than month to buy a house. They will be with you till Christmas! Just say no.

They’ll only exploit you if you let them. Don’t let them stay. If they made a profit, they can rent/air BnB somewhere.

People can only exploit you if you let them. Just say no, that won't work for us. No excuses or explanations. They can rent an Airbnb!

Surely the correct answer to ‘are you still ok to drive us to the airport?’ Is ‘I think you’ve got me confused with someone else, I’m not driving you to the airport’ and if they persist it’s ’I’m busy that day/time’ if they ask what you’re busy doing ‘why do you want to know? I’ve said I’m busy, I was being polite, I don’t want to take you to the airport’

If they outright ask to stay with you then a ‘no, I’m afraid that’s not possible’ if they push it then ‘I’ve said no, please don’t push it because I don’t want to fall out with you.’

You have to be harsh/less polite with these type of people because they don’t respond the way normal people do and they’ll walk all over you if you let them.

I’d say yes, tell them what the going rate for Airbnb is and tell them I wanted a month’s payment upfront. You won’t see them for dust.

No one needs an excuse to turn down unwanted guests! And people who won't accept a plain 'No' are definitely not people you'd want as guests.

Oooh yes, this.

It's astonishingly effective, I have discovered.

Thank you all - I really appreciate your replies as it reinforces my suspicion that they’re cheekily freeloading and it’s not me being inflexible or unreasonable!

I suggested an AirBnB as a short term solution and it was met with horror. “We don’t want to pay £2500 for a month! Especially when we could stay for free with you” They were even wondering if estate agents offered empty houses free for short term occupancy - as if?!

They are currently on a freebie holiday in the Med staying in the apartment of a friend of a friend - this is how they seem to operate - and the solicitor handling their house move is an old school friend they’ve managed to get a favourable deal through. I wish I had the brass neck and cheek to pull in favours like they do, but I just couldn’t do it to anyone.

They're not friends. They're leeches. They will stick around until they have had their "fill" from you and then move on to take advantage of the kindness and generosity of others, repeated ad infinitum.

I can very easily imagine you giving them house room and finding your lives being manipulated endlessly to maximise the benefit to them at your own comfort and expense, and I don't know why you would consider risking that.

If they've made a tidy sum on their house sale, then leave them to spend some of it on accommodating themselves from the get-go! Where's the incentive to actually buy somewhere if you can endlessly abuse friendships and scrounge off others, getting freebies constantly? They've behaved like this because they can, because others let them. Don't be like those others!

I think I'd actually laugh in their faces at the accommodation hinting.

"Haha, full marks for brass neck – God loves a tryer, eh? Anyway, about that drink you were going to buy me...

I'm not normally an advocate of blocking people, but I'd make an exception in this case.

Ugh. Nope.

The fact that they don't want to use any of the cash sitting in their bank account to pay rent is not your problem.

If you let them move in for a month they will still be there a year later.

And if they don't stop dropping them
just reply with "lord, no way would we let anyone stop at ours for more than it takes to have a meal and drink, would hate to have people staying over"

You have to be very plain with CFs. Just say “Sorry, absolutely not, don’t like houseguests, we find it too intrusive and we’d be at each others’ throats inside a week”. Laugh if you like but hold that line and do not give an inch.

They sound quite calculating actually. Be careful they don’t invite themselves for an overnight stay and then linger. I’d keep them at a distance till they’ve actually moved.

A month?! Do you know how long it takes to buy a house? You will have them for the best part of a year.

Do not do this!

What a great idea! We are putting that room on Airbnb next week. To make it all stress free you can book it when it goes online. Why? It is tied up with our house insurance.

They will never leave. They will move in, run the leccy bill sky high, eat you out of house and home, leave dirty dishes everywhere then probably end with a flourish by smothering you in your sleep and feasting on your remains.

But hey, at least they're 'charming'.

Just. Say. No.

You and your H sound like you have been and remain easy targets for these CFs.

Don’t make suggestions about options or engage with their problems: ‘oh dear’. If they ask directly for you to subsidise them in any way say no: no explanation needed.

This is how BIL and SIL operate, they travel widely in Europe, always “looking after a friend’s home”. Never reciprocate though.

They arent friends. They are CFs who think your both mugs and idiots.