Is it me, or are these friends exploiting us?

[JohnPrescottsPyjamas]

Posted before about this couple who sold their house and wanted to stay in our place whilst we were away on holiday.

We’ve been friends for several years. Great company, charming people, but incredibly disorganised and unable to prioritise their life - not our problem, except they have a habit of offloading their crises onto those around them. Everything is always left to the last minute and I don’t know how they do it, but they manage to get a freebie off someone or get everyone running around after them, whether it’s a friend of a friend offering holiday accommodation, a cheap decorator or last minute dog sitter etc etc. For example, DH ended up doing an exceptionally long airport run for them recently because they didn’t want to take their car, the more convenient local airport didn’t fly on a day that suited them (it was to another freebie overseas apartment) and the lift was presented to him as, “are you still ok to take us to……” which he felt obliged to do as he said he honestly couldn’t remember agreeing to, but felt he couldn’t let them down! No offer of petrol etc, just bought DH a coffee and a cake.

They sold their house, have made a nice profit, now cash buyers and looking to downsize, but they have have not planned where they were going to live, refuse to pay for a short term rental and are essentially sofa surfing until they find somewhere to buy. They’ve dropped great big hints suggesting they could stay with us for around a month whilst they search as we “have the room” as clearly they have outstayed their welcome the other friends they have been staying with. We do have the space, and there is no reason why I should say no, but I’m beginning to feel a bit of a mug.

AIBU to say no as it’s only a month and we’ve been friends for a long time, or is not unreasonable to say no, they need to make their own arrangements?

Please come back and update on what they say when you say no!

and when they say “oh but why not, we’ll be no bother etc etc whine waffle whinge beg” (because they will) you have so many answers …

“we don’t want to”
”the favour bank ran dry after the airport run”
”ha, we’re not that daft, that would wreck the friendship pretty fast”
”we don’t want to”
”everyone else in this situation would pay for short term accommodation, why can’t you”
”i hear what you’re saying and the answer is no”
“we don’t want to”

In your situation @JohnPrescottsPyjamas I would be airily unaware & completely but politely obtuse about any hints they're dropping.

If they ask straight out, say you're sorry, but you can't do it.

A weekend would be OK, but a whole month? I've had people stay for that length of time, and longer, to help them out, but it's been very much on a sharing house basis - they do their own cooking etc. I tell them, I will be living my life, and they'll have to flex around me. I do not "host" in the way I would for visitors I've invited ie cooking meals, catering, going out & about with visitors etc.

They were even wondering if estate agents offered empty houses free for short term occupancy - as if?!

Suggest home guardianship to them. They'll still need to pay, like. But it's cheaper than market rent.

Oh, and mind and count the teaspoons after their next visit.

Please don’t let them move into your home! Not even for a weekend!

One of our friends did this - sold the house with nowhere to go and was expecting everyone to rally round and put them up (plus two dogs!).
Nobody did so she then started posting passive aggressive memes on fb about knowing who your friends are in times of need 🙄

There is absolutely no way I’d agree to anyone staying a month unless they were actually homeless with no means to pay for a hotel/rent etc. As you have room for them as well they might get comfortable and decide to extend the stay and then you’ll have to have an even more awkward conversation of asking them to leave.

This is why people have one year old triplets. No one wants to live with you if they are going to be woken up 7 times a night be screaming toddlers!

P.S. Do they work from home? If so (and they’re not tied to a certain area) it may be worth them joining some pet/house sitting apps. Yes you have to pay to join but the cheapest one is about £30 for a year.

It’s time to channel your inner Pauline Prescott and get tough.
My parents had friends like these, they were absolutely loaded. Used to drive all over the UK when they retired, staying with others.
They eventually bought a luxury golf apartment in Spain. Never invited anybody.
Say no. Not only will they get on your nerves they will be using all of your gas, elec, water etc.

You say, 'Oh no, I've heard terrible stories about people overstaying their welcome and friendships being ruined.'
Be firm and make sure your dh is on the same page. CF's can scent weakness @JohnPrescottsPyjamas

This is spot on and a classic example of how it has panned out.

They sold their house before they found somewhere. Sensible enough, as it gives you a bit more control in a currently very odd market, but because of their usual disorganisation, they had made no plans about where they were going to meanwhile stay. They could and should have arranged some sort of short term rental whilst they were looking. After all, they released around £150k in order to downsize so there isn’t a shortage of funding.

They’ve also made noises about our availability to help them move as they don’t want to pay a company, but I have drawn the line at that.

” I can get £2500 for a month.! How do I sign up?”

Another whole family in your home for a whole month. Errr, I don’t think so.

They get away with it because people let them. If the tables were turned, would they do the same for you? Some people don't really have friends, just people they can sponge off.

And where is all their stuff, furniture etc are moment?

Good God OP do not give them free rein and the run of your house - they’ll never leave!

We live in a holiday location, we get no end of hints from people who “will be no trouble” and “can look after themselves”.

I’ve been very clear, my home is not for sharing and I don’t want to be anybody’s landlady. I don’t care if it sounds rude, if it puts them off asking.

Mostly in storage - but also in my garage! 😕

Absolutely do not do this. Just reply to her and say that you’ve had time to think about it and it really wouldn’t work for your family to have extra people in the house for that long.

Dont feel that you have to over explain yourself, it is not your problem to solve. Leave them to it.

Who the hell would think it was unreasonable to say no to people wanting to stay with you for a whole month when they've got a load of money in the bank and could easily get an Airbnb?

Cheeky bastards. Absolutely tell them no.

Don't do it - they are being tight. They need to spend some of their money on accommodation for themselves. That's what everyone else does.

Argh I know a couple like this. Somehow always getting people to do things for them but never seen them doing a favour/offering to help anyone. Anything from free stays, childminding, part organising, etc. can't stand them. Just say no.

I think they've used you enough!

@JohnPrescottsPyjamas Please tell me they don't have keys/alarm codes for your house or garage?

How MUCH stuff in your garage? Jeez