I just got back from a 10 day holiday with my DD. DH didnt go because he couldn’t take off work, doesn’t particularly like camping, and has bad seasonal allergies. Before I left, I made sure that the house was clean, the laundry was done, the dogs had been to their regular vet appointments and were stocked up on meds, etc. On my way home, I thought DH would have surprised me by having kept up with the laundry and cleaning, and probably have gotten me a gift or two, as he usually does when I go away for long periods of time. Just as like an expression of “I missed you and I’m glad you’re home!”
Well… He did his dishes, but that’s about it. He said he didn’t leave things lying around, but I noticed a few of his things out. His hamper is full again, the house is dirty, and he complained that our bedding is gross (it needs to be done basically twice weekly because the dogs are always sleeping there.) He didn’t get me any gifts, but he did purchase 24 little, squishy animal toys and hide them around the house for DD to find, which she has delighted in and I thought was cute.
I was also exhausted from traveling and caring for a child on my own for 10 days and extremely touched out, and we stayed up late waiting for him to get home so DD could see him. He recognized my mood, but he didn’t make any effort to put DD to bed, either, which I thought was a bit inconsiderate.
I’m torn. On one hand, the house upkeep is my responsibility, as the financial provision is his, and he did encourage me to put some of the trip expenses on the credit card he usually pays off. And if I’m off having a holiday, maybe he should get to come home from work and do whatever he wants, too. Enjoy the child-free time, you know?
On the other hand… It’s very difficult for me to catch up on 10 days worth of cleaning and laundry, especially when I need to be preparing for a two-week work trip starting June 1st, and if he was relived from childcare for 10 days, he would have had a lot of free time to get some cleaning done. It makes me not want to go on future holidays, knowing how much I have to do when I get back. He’s also going on holiday with his older DD (she’s 18 and off at uni in another country; he’ll go to visit with her there and then they’re going to tour Portugal) in a few days, so I kind of feel like he’s getting the equivalent time off, you know?
There’s also the fact that he invited me out to lunch today and I declined because I have a lot of work to do at home and for my job (where I kind of hinted that the house is dirty because he hasn’t cleaned in 10 days) and he took that personally, like I didn’t want to spend time with him. He “joked” that he should be my #1 priority. It was… frustrating in a weird, hard, saddening kind of way. I wanted to cry over it. I’ve been jet lagged and overwhelmed by everything (also I think I forgot to take my meds) so I haven’t gotten much done today anyway. Mad at myself for it. Digging myself in deeper, I know.
I know I’m being entitled about the gift, but it also kind of feels like he’s not putting as much effort into “wooing” me as he used to. So I do feel disappointed and kind of worried about it, even if I know there’s no reason I should expect a gift. Also I didn’t bring him anything back from the trip, but that was because I didn’t have any spare room in our luggage, with all the gear and clothing we needed to bring, not for lack of consideration.
Thoughts?