Ok yo become a Dad to a newborn at 57?

[WaterBed]

Apart from being desperate to crack the joke

“i really hope so - I only live at 55”

in all seriousness - I personally think it’s fine to be a Dad age 57 when your OH has a newborn. Any thoughts ?

It's selfish to have a child when you will probably be dead/incapable of supporting your child long before they reach adulthood.

Yes, anything can happen, you could get hit by a bus tomorrow. But that doesn't make it any less selfish to knowingly do that to a child.

nope far too old

I know a man whose dad was a lot older. He's deeply unhappy. He's an only and ended up doing a fair amount of caring.

Plus, old men with young women give me the ick. I'm in my early 50s and wouldn't date a 30-something (or 20-something?).

My husband was 58 when our 4th was born.

OH has a newborn.

That wording is odd. She gave birth but surely you both have a newborn.

Oh and OH? Not marrying her?

I dont get the joke about 55

Mine is 53 we just had our 4th (I'm 42)

Ok - I admit I used OH deliberately and not another term for the sake of today’s inclusive society - so yes both have a newborn

selfish! nothing else. why would you think it's ok? Can you elaborate?

My ex was 53 when our twins were born. I was 38.5.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but with now 7 year old twins? He's 60.
It's too old.

No - I think it’s gross, actually

Horrific idea. If we'd done that (physical impossibility for me, but let that pass) our child would now be nearly 13. The idea of being responsible for someone that young at our ages is dreadful. If we had grandchildren, I'd be delighted to help out here and there, but full responsibility for a child is a very different matter. I think it's selfish, especially when the man already has children from an earlier relationship.

Because most 57 year olds who looks after themselves healthwise would be almost certain to see child to adulthood and bring wealth of experience

I'm 37 and my "partner" is 55, he was 50 when our son was born. I wouldn't recommend it, however that's more due to his personality than his age. His friend married a woman 15 years younger (her 40 and him 55) and she's pregnant. His other child is 27.

It’s lame I admit

I had a good friend growing up whose Dad at about that age when she was born, it was totally fine and he lived into his 80s

And I also had a friend's whose Dad when we had just finished primary school and was probably in his 40s

Neither of those anecdotes proves anything at all or is relevant to your situation.

If the baby is already here or on the way what's the point of your question? If it isn't make your own mind up

It's a bit late to ask, if you and your parent already have a newborn. It's not like you can just put it back where it came from.

What are you actually looking for by posting here? Validation? An argument?

Nah, way too old, the kid will get the mickey taken out of him for his grandad picking him up from school.

No / can be married or not married

How old are you, OP? I'm in my mid 60s and my husband is nearly 70. He is as fit as a flea and far more active than most men of his age. He's still far too old to be father to a teenager, and would have been too old to deal with a baby and toddler 10/12 years ago, when he was in fact recovering from a heart attack. Just not fair on the child.

There go your retirement years! 😂

It really depends on the man doesn't it? Some men are useless fathers in their 20s, 30s & 40s. Some older men are more chilled and patient. I imagine it would be very challenging to parent teenagers in your 70s but if you have the energy to do it...

My husband was 58 when our youngest was born. All our kids are gainfully employed and self supporting and my husband is still working part time.

Maybe it's not ideal but there are no exams for who can be a parent and age is only one parameter to take into account. Unlike so many of the men on MN, he was present in our kids' lives, supported us, spent time with us (never went cycling or played golf; never disappeared for a stag fest) and has never been unfaithful, incapable or obnoxious. He played football and cricket with them, talked about history and world events with them, and was as good a dad with our kids as he was to the family he had in his 30s. He is who he is and that hasn't changed with age.

Whether "old men give [you] the ick" or not, i fancied him enough to have a family and love him enough to have been married for over a quarter of a century.

No I’m not going to argue with anyone

totally respect everyone’s opinion

If your OH is also an older Mum, perhaps in her early to mid 40s, I think it looks ok (or at least better than if she was 20-30 years younger.)
If she's a lot younger it might appear that she's wife No.2/ 'trophy wife' etc, hence looks a bit icky and some people might judge. 😇