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Original poster

Upset with friends behaviour on my hen do

524 replies

KelH93 · 22/05/2025 14:45

I’ve recently returned from my hen weekend. It was generally a lovely time but the behaviour of one of my friends has left a sour taste and I don’t really know how to handle things now.

I will try to summarise the main things but basically, she appeared in a mood for the majority of the weekend and this was picked up on by others.

-Moaning about the standard of accommodation (it was a 4 star hotel which everyone else was happy with - more than done the job)

-Unhappy with one of the restaurant choices - repeatedly moaning about it in advance (she still found something to eat)

-One of my friends had a drunken ‘fumble’ with someone on the first night. My friend spent the following days lunch lecturing her and telling her that she must be unhappy in her relationship and asking how she’ll cope with the guilt. Just really unnecessary and made my friend very uncomfortable.

-Telling me repeatedly that getting married means I will be saying goodbye to my sex life (she has never been married herself!)

-We all had bikini bottoms which spelt out a message with the intention of getting a photo and she refused to be in it as she didn’t feel body confident (she knew in advance this was going to happen).

I didn’t say anything to her whilst away and I asked my other friends to be diplomatic as I didn’t want a big row to ruin the weekend.

Now we are home, I feel like I should say something but I’m struggling with how to approach it. Do you think I should just leave it or am I right to bring it up? Obviously it risks a row…

OP posts:
Suzzled · 22/05/2025 20:41

Was she given the longest word on her bikini bottom and took offence…?

MNdrama · 22/05/2025 20:43

FanofLeaves · 22/05/2025 18:27

But so what? Unless my friend was seeking my advice or crying on my shoulder about a drunken transgression with another man I’d assume she knew what she was doing and it’s now her problem to reconcile her own feelings with going forward. How other people conduct themselves in their own relationships is just not my business and is separate to our friendship to unless they seek me out to make it otherwise and ask for my honest thoughts. I wouldn’t get all Aunt Lydia on her and create an atmosphere by judging her and making her feel worse. And if I didn’t even know the woman involved and had only met her on a hen do I happened to be on I’d have even less cause to pass comment.

Edited
Show quote history

No, the cheater's decision is not at all just their own problem to deal with if they don't tell their partner, but still bring them to the wedding

WayneEyre · 22/05/2025 20:46

Suzzled · 22/05/2025 20:41

Was she given the longest word on her bikini bottom and took offence…?

Pahaha there was a scrap over who got ''matrimonial' and who got 'bliss'

TeiTetua · 22/05/2025 20:46

I think YANBU to be annoyed about this, but in my opinion it would be best if you can let it drop. If any of the other friends say "She was being a real pain" just agree with that person, but don't encourage anyone to complain. My suspicion is that this woman is envious of you for getting married when she's not, but whatever it is, it's not worth an argument.

Inthebleakmidwinter1 · 22/05/2025 20:47

You tried to force her to get photographed in bikini bottoms. Yeah that would be a no from me too. I would love to hear her side of the story

JustSawJohnny · 22/05/2025 20:47

KelH93 · 22/05/2025 15:52

I appreciate the bikini sentiment but we’re a bunch of late 20’s/early 30’s women. We’d probably have felt differently and not done it if we were middle aged and all saggy after multiple kids etc!

I feel like the point is being missed.

I feel like you're coming across REALLY badly.

Gustavo77 · 22/05/2025 20:47

I'm with your friend. She no doubt spent a lot of money on your hen and ended up with a bunch of awful people. Maybe apologise to her for the behaviour that went on, she seems to have been the only one that has morals and standards.

alcoholnightmare · 22/05/2025 20:50

Team friend… who’s with me!?

ThejoyofNC · 22/05/2025 20:51

JustSawJohnny · 22/05/2025 20:47

I feel like you're coming across REALLY badly.

Show quote history

Unsurprising from a person who can call cheating on your spouse a "fumble".

MNdrama · 22/05/2025 20:53

Teanbiscuits33 · 22/05/2025 20:39

‘’lecturing her’’ were OP’s words, and to be honest, either way, if I was the fumbling friend I’d find that bloody annoying to be asked intrusive personal questions by someone who had no business asking since we weren’t close, and I’d tell the nosey cow to fuck off. Not that I would cheat in the first place, but anything personal that had nothing to do with her would be met with the same response.

Show quote history

How are those examples of personal, intrusive questions? You seem to have missed my point entirely

HeartyViper · 22/05/2025 20:54

…We all had bikini bottoms which spelt out a message with the intention of getting a photo and she refused to be in it as she didn’t feel body confident

yep, no. Hard no from me too.

Someone in a relationship who is ‘fumbling’ with someone else would also make me uncomfortable.

I would not be bringing any of it up, and revisit if everyone is ‘genuinely’ happy to participate in thing prior to getting a hump about it.

HeartyViper · 22/05/2025 20:56

KelH93 · 22/05/2025 15:52

I appreciate the bikini sentiment but we’re a bunch of late 20’s/early 30’s women. We’d probably have felt differently and not done it if we were middle aged and all saggy after multiple kids etc!

I feel like the point is being missed.

I assure you I am neither middle aged nor saggy.. and it sounds tacky as anything, and really not everyone’s thing.

FanofLeaves · 22/05/2025 20:58

MNdrama · 22/05/2025 20:43

No, the cheater's decision is not at all just their own problem to deal with if they don't tell their partner, but still bring them to the wedding

Show quote history

You cannot dictate what someone chooses to tell their partner even if you don’t agree with it.

Summersun9 · 22/05/2025 21:01

If I had the body of a super model there is still no way I'd have taken part in the bikini bottoms message idea 😂

The rest I'd just forget & put it down to her own personal issues.

Letmehaveabloodyusernameplease · 22/05/2025 21:03

Well I agree with her on the drunken friend snogging someone behind their partner / husband's back.
And I wouldn't want my arse photographed either.

MNdrama · 22/05/2025 21:12

FanofLeaves · 22/05/2025 20:58

You cannot dictate what someone chooses to tell their partner even if you don’t agree with it.

Show quote history

In a vacuum, maybe not, but when you're all going to the same wedding soon? Dictate away

Teanbiscuits33 · 22/05/2025 21:15

MNdrama · 22/05/2025 20:53

How are those examples of personal, intrusive questions? You seem to have missed my point entirely

Show quote history

Because whether she tells her partner or breaks up with her partner is nobody’s business but hers and her partners, not the friends. She’s a cheating shitbag but she is an adult and she can do what she likes. It’s not up to someone she doesn’t even consider a close friend to ask ‘’are you going to break up with your partner?’. What’s it to her? How cheater deals with it is her own issue. The moaning friend doesn’t have to get so personally involved.

Namechange1345677 · 22/05/2025 21:17

Team friend....

MNdrama · 22/05/2025 21:20

Teanbiscuits33 · 22/05/2025 21:15

Because whether she tells her partner or breaks up with her partner is nobody’s business but hers and her partners, not the friends. She’s a cheating shitbag but she is an adult and she can do what she likes. It’s not up to someone she doesn’t even consider a close friend to ask ‘’are you going to break up with your partner?’. What’s it to her? How cheater deals with it is her own issue. The moaning friend doesn’t have to get so personally involved.

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"if not, are we just expected to effectively cover up for you when we're all at the wedding?", etc etc

That was my main point

It is 100% everybody's business

PrettyParrot · 22/05/2025 21:24

I wouldn't be impressed at drunken fumble friend but equally wouldn't think it was my place to castigate her on what is meant to be a fun trip. Ditto re complaints about everything. It does sound like she was in a mood.

My arse has never been photo worthy but if you lot are, then good on you :D if she didn't recoil at the idea ahead of time but bailed out on the day then I think you're not unreasonable to be a bit disappointed. However when talking things over with her, maybe leave out this bit as she could get self righteous over it very easily.

Do you think she's jealous that you're getting married? I'm struggling to think why else she'd act like this.

FanofLeaves · 22/05/2025 21:25

MNdrama · 22/05/2025 21:12

In a vacuum, maybe not, but when you're all going to the same wedding soon? Dictate away

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Yeah but it’s not Lorca’s Blood Wedding is it?! It’s not up to anyone else to ‘reveal’ anyone’s secrets just because they’re at a wedding.

Teanbiscuits33 · 22/05/2025 21:25

MNdrama · 22/05/2025 21:20

"if not, are we just expected to effectively cover up for you when we're all at the wedding?", etc etc

That was my main point

It is 100% everybody's business

Show quote history

It isn’t. Yes, other people were witness to it, but it was cheating friend’s choice. Just because someone doesn’t think a choice is wise it doesn’t mean she isn’t free to make that choice and it doesn’t mean anybody else has to make themselves involved in it.

As I said earlier, it’s a case of ‘’not my circus, not my monkeys’’ as the saying goes. It’s HER choice and HER problem, nobody else’s to worry themselves about. It’s a waste of energy.

MrsKeats · 22/05/2025 21:28

eustoitnow · 22/05/2025 14:56

I wouldn’t have been happy with someone cheating on their other half either and the bikini bottoms photo id also find tacky
TBH I think you are being overly precious

Yes. I was sympathetic up to these points.

MNdrama · 22/05/2025 21:36

FanofLeaves · 22/05/2025 21:25

Yeah but it’s not Lorca’s Blood Wedding is it?! It’s not up to anyone else to ‘reveal’ anyone’s secrets just because they’re at a wedding.

Show quote history

Wasn't saying that. Was saying that it's clearly going to be incredibly awkward/uncomfortable, particularly since the wedding's likely going to be soon

Would you be comfortable interacting with their OH knowing that she cheated and he has no idea?

FanofLeaves · 22/05/2025 21:38

MNdrama · 22/05/2025 21:36

Wasn't saying that. Was saying that it's clearly going to be incredibly awkward/uncomfortable, particularly since the wedding's likely going to be soon

Would you be comfortable interacting with their OH knowing that she cheated and he has no idea?

Edited
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well depending on the size of the wedding, the interaction may well be very minimal 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’d probably just be polite and concentrate on having a nice day to be honest. Plus you have no idea what he may know or not know.

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