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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Upset with friends behaviour on my hen do

524 replies

KelH93 · 22/05/2025 14:45

I’ve recently returned from my hen weekend. It was generally a lovely time but the behaviour of one of my friends has left a sour taste and I don’t really know how to handle things now.

I will try to summarise the main things but basically, she appeared in a mood for the majority of the weekend and this was picked up on by others.

-Moaning about the standard of accommodation (it was a 4 star hotel which everyone else was happy with - more than done the job)

-Unhappy with one of the restaurant choices - repeatedly moaning about it in advance (she still found something to eat)

-One of my friends had a drunken ‘fumble’ with someone on the first night. My friend spent the following days lunch lecturing her and telling her that she must be unhappy in her relationship and asking how she’ll cope with the guilt. Just really unnecessary and made my friend very uncomfortable.

-Telling me repeatedly that getting married means I will be saying goodbye to my sex life (she has never been married herself!)

-We all had bikini bottoms which spelt out a message with the intention of getting a photo and she refused to be in it as she didn’t feel body confident (she knew in advance this was going to happen).

I didn’t say anything to her whilst away and I asked my other friends to be diplomatic as I didn’t want a big row to ruin the weekend.

Now we are home, I feel like I should say something but I’m struggling with how to approach it. Do you think I should just leave it or am I right to bring it up? Obviously it risks a row…

OP posts:
MNdrama · 22/05/2025 21:38

Teanbiscuits33 · 22/05/2025 21:25

It isn’t. Yes, other people were witness to it, but it was cheating friend’s choice. Just because someone doesn’t think a choice is wise it doesn’t mean she isn’t free to make that choice and it doesn’t mean anybody else has to make themselves involved in it.

As I said earlier, it’s a case of ‘’not my circus, not my monkeys’’ as the saying goes. It’s HER choice and HER problem, nobody else’s to worry themselves about. It’s a waste of energy.

Show quote history

Of course they're free to make that choice. Doesn't mean everyone has to be happy dealing with the inevitable post choice drama / awkwardness

Again, people have every right to be involved in this specific situation, seeing how they're being forced to be involved soon if the cheater brings their partner to the wedding

NoSoupForU · 22/05/2025 21:41

You sound awfully precious and spoilt.

I'm in my 30s and have a lovely arse. But nothing on this planet would get me to wear a bikini I haven't chosen myself and/or pose for a tacky insta picture of bikini bottom messages because its just shit and icky.

I'd not be overly delighted with the cheating.

Was she consulted on the restaurant choices or just told that's what was booked? Because its really ok for someone to not like a menu. Being able to find something to eat from it isn't necessarily an enjoyable experience. Especially if its a pricy place.

Complaining about the hotel again needs context. Was it expensive for what you got? Was there a reason to expect more?

Teanbiscuits33 · 22/05/2025 21:41

MNdrama · 22/05/2025 21:36

Wasn't saying that. Was saying that it's clearly going to be incredibly awkward/uncomfortable, particularly since the wedding's likely going to be soon

Would you be comfortable interacting with their OH knowing that she cheated and he has no idea?

Edited
Show quote history

If she’s not even close with the friend on the hen do then my guess is she’s probably not at all close to the OH and therefore is going to very rarely interact with the friends OH at the wedding, if at all. But yes, I would be comfortable talking to him because it’s not my place to say anything. Unless I was really close to the OH then maybe I’d feel a bit awkward but that’s the only time.

ClareBlue · 22/05/2025 21:46

Please tell us what the message was

ethelredonagoodday · 22/05/2025 21:46

KelH93 · 22/05/2025 15:52

I appreciate the bikini sentiment but we’re a bunch of late 20’s/early 30’s women. We’d probably have felt differently and not done it if we were middle aged and all saggy after multiple kids etc!

I feel like the point is being missed.

Ahhhhh…well done OP, a grade ‘A’ example of how best to piss off loads of women, who too were once in their 20s and 30s, in one easy step. 🤦🏼‍♀️🤣

Mumtobabyhavoc · 22/05/2025 21:47

Todayisaday · 22/05/2025 18:55

Because there is nothing to post about 😂
Went away on a hen, had a nice time, lovely hotel, well organised, everyone got on well and behaved like normal women on a weekend away, slightly sore heads on day 2, we all wore a silly hat on the night out and the barman asked for sallys number but she declined as shes married.
Is not really a post for AIBU 😂

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Excellent summary! 😂

JHound · 22/05/2025 22:04

KelH93 · 22/05/2025 15:52

I appreciate the bikini sentiment but we’re a bunch of late 20’s/early 30’s women. We’d probably have felt differently and not done it if we were middle aged and all saggy after multiple kids etc!

I feel like the point is being missed.

Gross OP.

BunnyLake · 22/05/2025 22:12

Teanbiscuits33 · 22/05/2025 21:41

If she’s not even close with the friend on the hen do then my guess is she’s probably not at all close to the OH and therefore is going to very rarely interact with the friends OH at the wedding, if at all. But yes, I would be comfortable talking to him because it’s not my place to say anything. Unless I was really close to the OH then maybe I’d feel a bit awkward but that’s the only time.

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OP invited someone she’s not close to on her hen night?

Franpie · 22/05/2025 22:13

I think it’s probably a case of your friend just being a bit classier than the rest of you.

Teanbiscuits33 · 22/05/2025 22:16

BunnyLake · 22/05/2025 22:12

OP invited someone she’s not close to on her hen night?

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No. OPs cheater friend and moaning friend aren’t close to each other according to her update, which is why I’m baffled as to why moaning friend is concerning herself with covering up cheater friends secret when it seems unlikely she will even interact with cheater’s OH much, if at all.

Mollysocks · 22/05/2025 22:21

ThejoyofNC · 22/05/2025 15:01

You wouldn't catch me in a bloody pair of bikini bottoms spelling a word out.

Maybe have a look the way you/your friends acted and you might see why she was in a mood. I certainly would have been if I was surrounded by drunken fools cheating on their spouses. Then being forced to eat in places I hadn't even chosen or made out to be difficult. And having paid a fortune for the pleasure presumably.

Edited

This.

Northerngirl821 · 22/05/2025 22:28

There’s a big difference between wearing a bikini round the pool on holiday and actively posing in one for a photo of your bum which will be plastered all over the internet. If your friend is planning any sort of professional career then that alone makes it a bad move.

Your flippant attitude to her discomfort makes think you are the one BU.

MidnightMusing5 · 22/05/2025 22:44

HundredMilesAnHour · 22/05/2025 14:58

Agree. I think I’m probably on the “moody” friend’s side. I’d like to hear her version as it all sounds rather grim.

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I agree, it does sound a bit grim. Yabu.

MidnightMusing5 · 22/05/2025 22:46

Franpie · 22/05/2025 22:13

I think it’s probably a case of your friend just being a bit classier than the rest of you.

Hit the nail on the head

theriseandfallofFranklinSaint · 22/05/2025 22:46

FWIW @KelH93 I think your hen sounds great, right up my street!

I'm older than you but more than happy to get a bikini on and what the hell, I'd be in the staged photo too 😁

Hope you had a fab weekend!

harriethoyle · 22/05/2025 22:49

KelH93 · 22/05/2025 17:17

I thought we left calling women slags for having partners in the last decade, I guess I was wrong 🙄

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I thought we left casual agism about “saggy” older bodies in the last decade, I guess I was wrong 🙄

AnxietySloth · 22/05/2025 22:57

Franpie · 22/05/2025 22:13

I think it’s probably a case of your friend just being a bit classier than the rest of you.

This in spades.

Sunshineandblueskysalltheway · 22/05/2025 23:14

'And cheating on your partner with a stranger on holiday makes you a slag in any decade fyi'

Have you had your brain removed love? Misogynistic language under any circumstances is not ok anymore. Why do women like you not get that?

ThinWomansBrain · 22/05/2025 23:19

Standards of the hotel can't have been that great if the arse photo was in a public area.

Tinseltuttifruitti · 22/05/2025 23:26

I want a thread from the friend so badly. Here's hoping she'll show on MN in the coming days 🙏

Bootlebride · 22/05/2025 23:27

I can't see what good it would do bringing it up to be honest. Given that she's your friend I'm going to assume she's not normally like that, in which case I'd chalk it up to her just having a bit of an off-week.

If you want to bring it up, I'd maybe do so from a concerned point of view ("you didn't quite seem yourself at the hen do, is everything OK?") rather than telling her off, which will only cause hard feelings without actually achieving anything.

PopeJoan2 · 22/05/2025 23:28

It sounds as though she wasn’t having a great time. I would have a word with her but it would be to ask her if she is all right.

Canshehavewaferthinham · 22/05/2025 23:41

Notabikerchick · 22/05/2025 18:02

Sounds like your friend was too classy for such a tacky hen do.

Yes, It's very classy to sit and whinge and moan and make people uncomfortable when they're trying to enjoy a meal isn't it?

A lot of people on here don't actually know what 'class' means.
Clue: it is the opposite of that ^.

BadLad · 22/05/2025 23:41

There’s nothing classy about

Telling me repeatedly that getting married means I will be saying goodbye to my sex life (she has never been married herself!)

Only a tedious, miserable killjoy would do that. But that has been rather overlooked because the aborted bikini bottoms picture has hogged the thread.

Boreded · 23/05/2025 00:05

Wow, at first I thought YANBU but then I read your posts. You’ve no consideration of other people’s feelings at all have you? You could easily have talked about your friends’ bodies without the middle aged comments, and you know that. You know that your friend isn’t being called slaggy because she had a sexual partner, but actually because she was cheating on her partner.

your poor friend who went on this trip will be glad she knows what you are all like now so she can get herself a new set of friends if this chavvy behaviour is what you consider to be normal