Is this a thing on the bus now in London?

[IrritatedEarthling]

I'm in London for work this week, I don't live there. I'm visibly pregnant (shouldn't make a difference to this story)

I went to the bus stop to wait for the bus, it was only five minutes' wait (hooray, London!)

I stood near to the bus stop sign, rather than sitting inside the shelter. Whilst I was waiting, some other women - three of them - arrived separately with some small children. They looked about 5-7 years old. I realised that they were nannies as the children were addressing them by their Christian names, rather than "Mummy". The ladies knew each other as they chatted together.

One lady stood close to me.

A bus arrived, and someone got off and walked away, and as I didn't get on it, it now became clear that I was waiting for the only other bus that visits the stop.

As the bus arrived, the lady near me stepped ahead of me to get on the bus. It's hard to describe, but i had thought I was in the "getting on" position, and I had my payment hels out in my hand. The other two ladies approached too, stepping ahead of me. However as I was first, I- without pushing, touching or glaring, stepped ahead of lady number 2.

I was thinking, well I was here first.

But I heard her say to my back, "Really?!" as though I was very rude. I got on and the priority seat had been taken by lady number one, so I went and sat a few seats back.

Was I rude? Are you supposed to give priority to people with children? I do have a child of my own aged 4 and when I was with him in the evening yesterday nobody let us cut in front, and neither did I expect it.

What should I have done? How does the queue system for a bus work now in London?

It's London. It's every woman for themselves. You just have to shove yourself on the bus.

It's London. Every man or woman for himself. Its what your elbows are for.

You're supposed to queue (born Londoner here) and us actual Londoners will do, but there seem to be too many people nowadays who just push ahead.

I'd give priority to anyone I could see was elderly, disabled, pregnant women, and anyone with small children, but if they weren't struggling they should certainly have let you go first as you were ahead of them and pregnant!

I don’t think it had anything to do with children

she simply thought you’d nudged yourself in and said “really”

I wouldn’t have given it a passing thought. How long ago did this happen op?

Weird level of detail of Op

Did we really need to know they were nannies

weird

Massive overthinking here - you got on the bus, you found a seat.

There is a kind of queue and I generally defer to people with kids / mobility problems / preggos & buggies and, likewise, men and teenagers generally defer to me. But it depends and not everyone follows the rules. The main thing is just to get on.

It’s not just a London thing - I’ve been elbowed out of the way in other places too. Not sure why it matters they were nannies either. 🤷‍♀️

I live in London and don't shove on the bus/tube. Many don't.

there is no orderly queues on london transport. it's elbows out usually.

however, I have never been refused a seat if I needed one if I asked.

Exactly. I'm a nanny and always make sure I get on the bus after the people who were there before me, not sure why my occupation is relevant? 🤔

Do you have a tendency to generalise and make up/look for rules? Sometimes things just happen.

In any event

no one shoved in the OP’s very banal scenario

I work in a city with lots of people from overseas who don't do queueing in the cultures they're from. It's usually the men from these cultures who go ahead and push right on which I find really rude and usually say something as I'm old and grumpy these days and I think they should learn that it's rude to push in. I've been on crutches before now and they still pushed in!

You’re really giving this more thought than it deserves! London has only ever had a vague bus-queueing system. You encountered three people, not an entirely new codification of public transport queueing.

It's not a London thing. I'm London born and bred and I grew up only seeing people queuing for buses and if there was a scattering, people knew inherent who was there before them and then let them on before them. These ladies - clearly don't know about polite queuing. YANBU

I get buses in central London fairly regularly, and I don't think I've ever seen a formal queue. I don't notice who was at the stop first or where I come in the order. The bus comes and might stop right by the sign or might not. And people just head for the door in a kind of swarm. I've never pushed or been pushed, but there's nothing organised about it.

But like I say, that's in central London and usually at busy times.

"Do you have a tendency" Mumsnet bingo.

The detail is because otherwise people pick apart what you say, and then you are accused of a drip feed. Oh why didn't you say you were pregnant? Oh why didn't you say you were standing at the curb? Etc

I mentioned they were nannies because I wondered if that makes a difference. If it were women with their own kids the interactions might be different. I was a teacher and my reactions were a bit different when with school kids than with my own. That probably doesn't make a lot of sense to most, but it's the reason I mentioned it.

There is not even theoretically queueing for buses in London. The signs 'queue this side' went years ago.

You seriously bloomin wondered whether them being nannies impacted on this utterly utterly banal exchange where one person said “really?” To you?

Ok, this explains it, thank you.

I shouldn't worry about it. If they were chatting together and busy with children they probably were just moving as a group and didn't think about whether you were getting on this bus or waiting for another. Maybe they deliberately pushed ahead of you but I doubt it if they made that response when you stepped in. Misreading I'd say.

If it were women with their own kids the interactions might be different.

how?