Is this a thing on the bus now in London?

[IrritatedEarthling]

I'm in London for work this week, I don't live there. I'm visibly pregnant (shouldn't make a difference to this story)

I went to the bus stop to wait for the bus, it was only five minutes' wait (hooray, London!)

I stood near to the bus stop sign, rather than sitting inside the shelter. Whilst I was waiting, some other women - three of them - arrived separately with some small children. They looked about 5-7 years old. I realised that they were nannies as the children were addressing them by their Christian names, rather than "Mummy". The ladies knew each other as they chatted together.

One lady stood close to me.

A bus arrived, and someone got off and walked away, and as I didn't get on it, it now became clear that I was waiting for the only other bus that visits the stop.

As the bus arrived, the lady near me stepped ahead of me to get on the bus. It's hard to describe, but i had thought I was in the "getting on" position, and I had my payment hels out in my hand. The other two ladies approached too, stepping ahead of me. However as I was first, I- without pushing, touching or glaring, stepped ahead of lady number 2.

I was thinking, well I was here first.

But I heard her say to my back, "Really?!" as though I was very rude. I got on and the priority seat had been taken by lady number one, so I went and sat a few seats back.

Was I rude? Are you supposed to give priority to people with children? I do have a child of my own aged 4 and when I was with him in the evening yesterday nobody let us cut in front, and neither did I expect it.

What should I have done? How does the queue system for a bus work now in London?

If there is plenty of space on the bus, then the person closest to the door gets on first. I would also allow people with young kids and the elderly or disabled on first.

At many bus stops around here (outer London) several different buses use the same stop, so there’s no orderly queue as such. But I use buses a lot and see very little pushing or ‘elbowing’.

Not really - yours wins today's prize for banality 😁

So:

you waited for a bus
you boarded the correct bus
you found a seat

I fail to see this ‘London centric’ problem. People say asshole things everywhere. London has more people so more assholes. It also has an excellent bus system which is more than I can say for most of the rest of the country.

And you win the prize for the mumsnet cliché.

It’s a bus, not a VIP room. You’ll all get on, what difference does it make who went first and second? Yes, ideally she’d have acknowledged you were there first but your passive aggressive sighing and glaring was probably what made her say ‘Really?’

It’s London, there is often not room to queue down the pavement like lambs for every bus that might come along.

i had thought I was in the "getting on" position

There's no such thing really. At some quieter stops maybe, but in Brixton, where I get buses most often, it's like 'the Mole' scene from Dunkirk! Generally there's no system or position like this, but there's lots of buses and usually enough space so it's not a big deal, as indeed you found as you got a seat no problems.

Yes that's true. But my question was, was I rude. Should I stand at the back when children are waiting. I didn't think so before, and I still don't think so, given these responses.

I do however think that some of the people on this thread would happily push in.

“I think it’s getting worse though, trying to get off the tube can be quite difficult as people force their way in before letting anyone off.”

Earlier this week I had to forcefully push my way off the tube because a crowd were trying to get on before I’d got off (and I was standing near the door, I wasn’t dithering halfway down the carriage). There was a risk I wouldn’t have been able to get off the train.

“I’ve wondered if it’s because it’s such a mix of cultures / tourists, everyone’s not abiding by the UK’s usual queuing obsession. And a whole lot of people just anxious about using the transport system - always several of those per carriage.”

I’ve wondered this too. A mix of people from cultures where pushing on and off busy public transport is the norm. And people who are panicked by navigating an unfamiliar busy and complicated system and are repeating ‘must get on the train must get on the train’ in an anxious voice in their heads.

Well there's another detail I didn't give. There was plenty of room on the very wide pavement.

Exactly thais. I get fed up with people saying how rude London is. We moved out to Ely after 25 years in London and drivers/bus queues etc far ruder here

She thought you pushed in front of her, which perhaps you did, hard to tell.from your description. End of story.

I cant believe you think it was obvious you were now waiting for that bus as you hadn't got on the one before. Do you really think strangers are analysing everyone's moves around them at a bus stop? I also don't understand the relevance of them being nannies and not parents? or indeed of them having kids. People don't like people pushing in, which is what she thought you'd done, rightly or wrongly. Maybe because you came in from the queue for the other bus?

I think anyone with good manners would let the visibly pregnant lady get on and seated first, even if they had joined the queue afterwards.

I’m surprised. I take the bus sometimes in London and there’s a vague sense of queuing still.

Where I live, in Brighton, you would not dare board the bus out of turn. We are very old school about it! The foreign language students who visit are warned about it 😂

At my local bus stop which has about 5 different routes stop there and is in a more residential area I try to let anyone who I know was at the bus stop before me get on first. Especially if they are elderly, pregnant, with kids etc. Others tend to do the same if they know I was there first.

When I get the bus outside King’s Cross or somewhere else very busy there are usually more people waiting and you never know exactly where the doors will be positioned when the bus stops so it’s a free for all. I think people just want to get on quickly and get going. People are not always even aware of who was already at the bus stop when they arrived as they are on their phones, dealing with kids etc. But yes some people can act entitled.

On this kind note I have to leave the thread to go to work. It's my last day of work, so I won't need to post any further threads, boring or otherwise.

Thanks to those who spoke kindly.

This why the North is better (former Southerner here).

And it is views like this… that really make me chuckle

Not boring
just odd

I think people mistake ‘sheer volume of people and just cracking on with your own journey’ for rudeness.

The trains are crammed because everyone uses them. You can’t avoid being squashed together.

People aren’t pushing in front of you rudely, they’re just focused on doing their commute.

If you stop you’ll get in other people’s way, so you just need to crack on with what you’re doing and get to where you’re going.

I get a lot of tourists through my station. They dither at street level, in the station, at the gates, at the top of the escalator, use the escalator wrong, block the corridors wondering where to go, stop at the bottom of the stairs etc etc.

I just charge through them all, as I have places to be - I’m not being rude, I just don’t fancy adding time to my journey trying to politely navigate around them several times a week (and often multiple times a day).

If you don’t immediately get on the bus, I’m going to assume you’re waiting for a different one. The drivers will close the doors and leave if you aren’t quick enough.

What’s a mumsnet cliche about calling your thread banal Op?

The nannies were rude. You could justifiably have said “Yes, really, because I was here before you and I’m pregnant”. Unfortunately, like most polite people, you wouldn’t have thought of a riposte until later! In fact I think the restraint of polite people in these situations is what keeps society going, otherwise we would all be arguing all the time.
Having said that, I’m a frequent and elderly visitor to London, and I’ve been pleasantly surprised by how people have recently offered help with my luggage and offered seats as well, even when I didn’t really need help. This was on the Underground. I hope you encounter more of the nice people. Forget about the nannies.

I've lived in London for 25 years and bus boarding protocol has remained the same.

You loiter individually at the bus stop and when it arrives you form a sort of orderly huddle to get on to the bus. Those who aren't getting that bus drop back visibly so you know they aren't waiting to get on. Generally we give way to people with mobility issues - we aren't monsters.

Order can break down on tube strike days and around school time where children under 16 seem incapable of moving in groups of leaa than 10 ir noticinf anyone else around them.

Because we have such frequent bus services thoughj, it's not generally deemed a disaster if everyone can't fit on the bus that has arrived, another will be along in a few minutes.

I commuted to work at the airport for my whole working life and let me tell you at going home time
at the central bus station at Heathrow it’s every man woman or child for themselves me and the bump for well versed in pushing and shoving out way on 🤣

Lord knows what impression it gives tourists recently landed in the UK as everyone flocks onto the bus from all directions like the last bus ever!!