Is this a thing on the bus now in London?

[IrritatedEarthling]

I'm in London for work this week, I don't live there. I'm visibly pregnant (shouldn't make a difference to this story)

I went to the bus stop to wait for the bus, it was only five minutes' wait (hooray, London!)

I stood near to the bus stop sign, rather than sitting inside the shelter. Whilst I was waiting, some other women - three of them - arrived separately with some small children. They looked about 5-7 years old. I realised that they were nannies as the children were addressing them by their Christian names, rather than "Mummy". The ladies knew each other as they chatted together.

One lady stood close to me.

A bus arrived, and someone got off and walked away, and as I didn't get on it, it now became clear that I was waiting for the only other bus that visits the stop.

As the bus arrived, the lady near me stepped ahead of me to get on the bus. It's hard to describe, but i had thought I was in the "getting on" position, and I had my payment hels out in my hand. The other two ladies approached too, stepping ahead of me. However as I was first, I- without pushing, touching or glaring, stepped ahead of lady number 2.

I was thinking, well I was here first.

But I heard her say to my back, "Really?!" as though I was very rude. I got on and the priority seat had been taken by lady number one, so I went and sat a few seats back.

Was I rude? Are you supposed to give priority to people with children? I do have a child of my own aged 4 and when I was with him in the evening yesterday nobody let us cut in front, and neither did I expect it.

What should I have done? How does the queue system for a bus work now in London?

Get a life. FYI, I’m one of those disabled people that other people give way to so I’m not exactly pushing in or rushing onto the bus.

I travel mostly by bus in London, frequently get offered seats, and people often stand aside for me to get on first. I will offer my seat to anyone that looks as if they need it, or nudge any twat that thinks their bag deserves a priority seat.
Tubes aren't so great, but it depends which line - Northern line heading into the city was great, Victoria line not so much.

Now thinking I must look more ancient than I feel.

@nomas , @TheFluffyTwo I was referring to a situation where there are 4 people.
Let's say they are called Niamh, Ruth, David and Matthew.

Ruth is English but her faith is Jewish. Can't you see that referring to her "Christian name" is potentially offensive.

Would you refer to Bilal, Rajinder, Deepika or Amina as a "Christian name"?

Given that in that situation I am Niamh, and I know the people quite well, I think Ruth would have been offended but would not have mentioned it, and David and Matthew would have picked me up on it discreetly but firmly.
I think Ruth would have been sensible to report it to HR.

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER , I didn't really understand your post that was addressed to me.

I genuinely think it is ridiculous - and trivialising a very serious issue - to suggest that casually asking someone's "Christian name" is in any way "antisemitism".

Another example, if someone wishes me well or says essentially, "let's hope so" using the phrase, "God willing!" or "Inshallah" in conversation I wouldn't expect anyone to jump up and down on my behalf about it being anti-polytheism or anti-atheist. Half the people who use it aren't even religious themselves - it's just a turn of phrase with a cultural root.

"Christian name" is ordinary, everyday lexicon for the country we're in. If someone picked the OP up on it in a work setting directly and said they were offended, then yes, I would probably expect her to make an effort not to use it to that person but I would also expect that the OP would think, "good grief, there's a person actively looking to be aggrieved. Goodness knows what other innocuous words and phrases I use with a cultural root that I haven't thought of that could be used against me. I'll just avoid that person as much as possible in future." Because that is where silly intolerance and a refusal to take things in the spirit they are intended like this leads - more division for the fear of saying something 'wrong'. It's so counter-productive.

But what you were objecting to was not even the OP using this directly to the people it referred to. She was explaining a scenario in a general way, in her own language, to a faceless mass of third parties. There was absolutely no possibility of the individuals in question being offended or affected in any way about her choice of language, yet you felt the need to police and suppress her use of her own language anyway because it happens to contain reference to her cultural history.

All languages have their history or culture woven into them - it's one of the joys of them.

In my view, Puritanical* attempts to sterilise them (or some of them - again, I struggle to believe that you would lecture native speakers of all languages in this way equally) and strip them of that richness are incredibly depressing and misconceived.

Honestly, life is much more pleasant and straightforward when you decide to take things in the spirit they're intended and that would be my honest advice to Ruth, Matthew and David too. You know if someone is trying to offend or ostracise you and when they're not, regardless. They could be coldly excluding using the most 'correct' language and be warm and inviting using language that would wildly fail this sort of purity test.

In my experience all that is achieved with this sort of nitpicking is making people more nervous to engage in open and free-flowing conversation with anyone who might be perceived as in any way different from them and I think it's a real shame.

*there's another example for you. I bet you're not literally a Puritan, either!

Nearly all buses around here have both entry and exit doors. The only people who use the exit doors for entry, are some with larger buggies (who park, and then go and pay) and wheelchair users who need the ramp.

The tube is a different matter. But most people do wait for passengers to get off first.

Blimey, why do i need to 'get a life', because I'm happy to let people on in front of me?!

@TheFluffyTwo , you clearly can't see why the term 'Christian name' is problematic in a multicultural society. The use of the term is archaic.

Interesting comment on the Tube lines - when I was pregnant I found that the Victoria Line was brilliant. The Northern Line heading into the City was a nightmare and even when very heavily pregnant I often didn't get a seat unless I asked for one.

My experiences on the Piccadilly line throughout pregnancy, and lugging a pushchair and/or luggage were pretty much always good.

OK, clearly we are not going to find any common ground here. All the best!

The days of polite queueing for buses are gone in London, sadly. I'm a Londoner but left a long time ago. When I started to visit there, it was a real shock to see that it was no longer practiced. It made me feel very sad.

I had the same thing happen to me years back, when I was heavily preganant but on a train and stepped in front of what appeared to be an able bodied young woman. I felt embarrassed but the fact was I needed a seat more than them (call me selfish but whatever). I'd spent so many journeys standing or sitting on the floor of trains I just thought sod it and put myself first. Don't give it another thought.

Or were they white collar workers? 🤔

Welcome to the city of London!

I need to use crutches. About 3 months ago I was in London & found that people would stand to offer me their seat and would offer to help me on/off the bus or tube. No 'Paddington' hard stares needed. Everyone was very polite & helpful.

Possibly they were all foreign visitors? 😂

This is just life in the UK now - everyone's a bastard

That's not true, if the bus is empty and youre sitting in the priority seat then you move, it's nothing to do with the bus being full, it's to do with less able people needing to be at the front so they can get on and off easily

People lose all manners on public transport, tw4ts! And yet another reason I prefer dogs to humans 😁

My special person uses a stick and I have to ask people to give him a seat bc he's too polite to.

It sounds like they were just being rude.

I don't take the bus often but when I do, quite often people let me on the bus before them with DD. This is really helpful because she's a law into herself and I need to get her sat down before the bus moves off.

When I was pregnant, I didn't really expect priority and was happy to sit anywhere, including upstairs.

I would always let a pregnant lady get on the bus first and have my seat but I was told recently to never assume that someone is pregnant or ask so I wonder if that was the case with these ladies ?

I worked In London in the 70s, 80s and 90s and the queueing system was alive and well, especially during the rush hours.
Fewer tourists on these routes, I suppose and also many City/Fleet St workers would have given queue jumpers very short shrift. Ditto to the people who got on before all the passengers had got off.
(Waterloo to Fleet St and back, later Liverpool St to Fleet St and back. )

I was not referring to you - wasn't that clear?

Over thinking? She was rudely treated by someone who, given she turned up at the bus stop after the op, should have known better. When I arrive in a Q, I check who was before me so they get served/on the bus first. It's the right thing to do.