DH won’t stay with me in hospital

[swampwomp]

Fully prepared to be told IABU if I am being.

Baby due next month and I’m having a c section. In the hospital I’ll be in, husband’s/partner’s are allowed to stay overnight. I haven’t had a c section before but worried how I’ll manage getting baby if I’m sore (also getting hysterectomy). I know there’s buzzers but I had a bad degree tear before with previous DC and I pushed the buzzer twice over a 4 day stay and they took forever to come and seemed cross about it. DH has said there’s no way he will stay with me in the hospital. Practically I can see that it makes more sense for him to be well rested to help the next day but AIBU to be a little hurt that he immediately was saying absolutely not without thinking about it? We do have other DC but have childcare arrangements in place so it’s not practically impossible.

There are no visiting hour restrictions there and I think that he plans on being there for the birth/for a bit after, bringing DC to meet baby once I’m on the ward and then going home for the afternoon/evening, to come back late morning the next day.

One of my favourite of all parenting moments was alone with my first born in the hospital. Just us. All I had to do was change his nappy and breast feed him. I’d also had a C-section. I’m a bit jealous of you!

17 years ago and I can still remember it well. Night 1 - staff had to help as I was catheterised and told not to get out of bed. But night 2 I had to get on with it. I remember wishing I’d gone home as DH would have helped. It was very hard. If DH had been allowed to stay I would have insisted on it.

I’d certainly be upset. My husband stayed with me as much as he was able to following my c-section. He was such a huge help to me practically and emotionally. As amazing and lovely as the staff were, they were always do busy. I do hope your husband changes his mind!

Can I ask, if you can’t move apart from arms, how DO you change the baby?

if you're having a planned caesarean-hysterectomy there will be extra nursing support - it's not a terribly common operation to do and they should be planning that you'll need more help. If he doesn't want to be there I wouldn't try and make him.

Did you have a hysterectomy at the same time? Because OP is.

I’d be cross too. I also had a c section and at night specially took forever for anyone to show up whenever I buzzed (I couldn’t change baby alone, grab to feed etc). He should stay at night with you.

These days the NHS is so understaffed, that there is a high chance of patients not getting their basic needs met. For that reason alone I would take up the opportunity of having my partner with me.

I’ve had 3 sections. Stating over wasn’t a thing (thank god - would have hated random men there all the time) - but tbh the other kids needed him at home. It was fine.

They have childcare arrangements so he’s available to help her. As he should.

I get why you feel like that. You’re feeling vulnerable and he’d make you feel safe.- Hope all goes ok. X

I think he is unreasonable. If you have childcare for other kids, use it the next day instead so you can both take turns to get some sleep at home.

With extreme difficulty.

I had to with DS because he’d weed everywhere and no one came when I buzzed I pulled him onto my chest, I was quite propped up which helped, and just did my best. The cannula was a massive pain in the arse as my hand didn’t bend properly.

Later in the early hours I tried again and he weed straight into the air covering me and the clean clothes so I had to buzz and just wait till someone came as I couldn’t reach my bag and was just stuck.

I think the fact you’re also having a hysterectomy makes a huge difference here. Of course you’re going to need help with your newborn baby in hospital, how does he think it’s fine for you to struggle?

I arranged the cot my baby was in so it was sideways to the bed, with the bottom part of it sitting across the bed to make getting her out and back in easier.

I did find moving ok once the catheter was removed but it’s undeniably sore and very ginger movements.

I don't know if you've ever stayed on a hospital ward before, but I would not rely on the nurses helping you.

I don't even know you and I'd stay overnight with you to help you!

of course, but what happens when you both return home. Both exhausted, both probably snarling at each other.

How do you think people cope when their husbands/parents aren’t allowed to stay, which is in the vast majority of cases (certainly here, anyway). You’ll be grand.

YANBU. My husband would do whatever made me feels comfortable and I think yours should be doing the same, practical or not.

This. It was lovely.

The point is you don't know how you'll be. Some women like myself had catheter in the first night and then collapsed when I tried to stand. I had to get help lifting the baby, and they took a while to come which was quite distressing with a screaming newborn. Others are fine. So it seems harsh that he has made up his mind now, without knowing how you're going to feel and what you'll be capable of.

DH didn’t stay with me overnight after either of my C sections . Men were not allowed thank goodness . Women snoring was bad enough.
Wards need to be quieter not doubled up on people . Why would I want DH to sleep in a chair . Much better for him to rest at home and be fresh to come and help during the day.

I managed just fine with a little help from the midwives.

In my hospital they get you out of bed for a shower after six hours so you might be up quickly.
Otherwise while in bed, I would just reach over for baby and change them on the bed with me
(Had three sections)
Partners also not allowed to stay over night

My husband went home with a headache after my CS 🤦‍♀️All ok and he was refreshed for when I came home. We also had a 22 month old as well so he got his priorities right.

He should do what you want surely? I really could have done with DH staying with me after my first birth, I couldn’t move around the bed one handed so trying to get the baby feeding was really hard