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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think uninviting a child to a party is exceedingly rude

363 replies

Exaltedmalteaser · 21/05/2025 16:26

My child (7 years old)got a party invite via a WhatsApp group. I asked him if he wanted to come, he did, and I replied saying he would love to come on the group. So far, so normal.

I then was removed from the group, and received a message to say that his invite was a mistake.

AIBU to think regardless of mistakes, you don't uninvite? My child has been in nursery/school with this child for years, they play together, and it's not a small party either, or one where numbers are critical or pay per head (just a party at home, which is also fine, and I know they have a good size home and garden).

I don't care that he isn't invited, just that he has been invited, when he is aware of the invite now. He will now be hearing kids talking about the party at school, thinking he is going, but not able to go.

OP posts:
Donthaveacowman45 · 21/05/2025 17:31

Exaltedmalteaser · 21/05/2025 17:13

I couldn't care less whether he is invited to the party. What is not ok is inviting him then uninviting him. I have older children and I have never come across an uninvite before, so no, it's not something that just happens in my experience.

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No, that’s what you think. She made a mistake. She never had any intentions of inviting him. She said sorry it was a mistake and uninvited him. Why you making a huge massive deal over this. Deal with it move on.

AJ20 · 21/05/2025 17:32

Some big issues yes... not a recinded birthday invite!

TooGoodToGoto · 21/05/2025 17:33

arcticpandas · 21/05/2025 17:16

Happened to us last week, sort of. DS2 has got two "Alex" in his class (y7) and he wanted to invite one of them. One of his friends saw his invites and yelled to Axel 2 that "cool, you're invited as well" and Alex2 was so happy and said "thanks, that's really nice". I'm really proud of how DS2 handled it. He gave Alex2 the invite and told Alex1 he forgot his invite at home.
Even an 11 year old has enough empathy to understand that it's hurtful to disinvite even if it's a mistake so a for a mum to do this it's really unforgiveable!!

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Your son is a credit to you 💙.

If only all parents fostered this type of behaviour.

Lifeofryan · 21/05/2025 17:33

Very rude indeed. I hope they get their come uppance. I would book something else for your little one for that day and tell him that mummy's sorry, she forgot that she had already booked xyz on that day and that he couldn't go to hid classmates party. I wouldn't tell him that he is no longer invited . I am so sorry this has happened to your little one OP.

TooGoodToGoto · 21/05/2025 17:33

AJ20 · 21/05/2025 17:32

Some big issues yes... not a recinded birthday invite!

Not sure what you’re saying here?

Oddsocksanduglyshoes · 21/05/2025 17:33

It’s not rude it’s evil.

Donthaveacowman45 · 21/05/2025 17:34

EsmeSusanOgg · 21/05/2025 17:05

Nah, the other parent was cruel to a kid. Damned straight I would be petty (not the person who posted first). You have to be a real dick to uninvite a 7-year-old. Especially as there is no background/ conflict and the party is clearly somewhere without strict limits.

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So then what happens after you’ve been petty? You just going to continue that until the kids leave school? You are also harming a potential friendship. What if these kids do become friends, but you’ve been a petty child to the other parent, do you think the kids are going to view you in any favourable light? You’d just look stupid.

Lifeofryan · 21/05/2025 17:35

Donthaveacowman45 · 21/05/2025 17:31

No, that’s what you think. She made a mistake. She never had any intentions of inviting him. She said sorry it was a mistake and uninvited him. Why you making a huge massive deal over this. Deal with it move on.

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I think we've got the host mum on here!

Gossyboo · 21/05/2025 17:35

I think it's really rude. I accidentally invited an extra 5 children than I meant to to my DD's last birthday, because I put the invite in the wrong group chat. I sucked it up and paid the extra to have them. Turned out a great party!

thepariscrimefiles · 21/05/2025 17:35

AJ20 · 21/05/2025 17:28

Crass and cruel?! This child will go through far worse than a party he won't even remember in a couple of weeks. It's a birthday party, there will be plenty more, some he may be invited to, others he may not. You are defending something on a public platform that you have no idea the reasoning for. I'd love to hear the inviters side personally.

We know what the inviter's side is. She invited OP's child by mistake and withdrew the invitation after OP had responded to the invite to confirm that he would attend. She then uninvited him. What more do you need to know?

Are you implying that OP's child is horrible in some way so deserved to be uninvited?

AJ20 · 21/05/2025 17:36

I'm saying you are bring dramatic. If being disinvited from an event at 7 years old haunts you, I'm not surprised you are having this reaction to a post where we have very little information on the actual story of WHY he may have been uninvited.

I would never have anyone in my house I didn't want there. Adult or child, simple. And I would not be extending pity invites out of a mistake or courtesy.

TooGoodToGoto · 21/05/2025 17:37

Donthaveacowman45 · 21/05/2025 17:31

No, that’s what you think. She made a mistake. She never had any intentions of inviting him. She said sorry it was a mistake and uninvited him. Why you making a huge massive deal over this. Deal with it move on.

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So you excuse upsetting a child with “I made a mistake”, get over it? You don’t own it?

Says a lot about you.

AJ20 · 21/05/2025 17:38

I don't know which is why I wouldn't comment on that. What I'm saying is there certainly is a reason, the inviter is providing the location, which is even more important as it is her HOME, dealing with the expense and whatever reason she has be it too many kids attending or a child that potentially could be a problem that is her choice.

TooGoodToGoto · 21/05/2025 17:38

AJ20 · 21/05/2025 17:36

I'm saying you are bring dramatic. If being disinvited from an event at 7 years old haunts you, I'm not surprised you are having this reaction to a post where we have very little information on the actual story of WHY he may have been uninvited.

I would never have anyone in my house I didn't want there. Adult or child, simple. And I would not be extending pity invites out of a mistake or courtesy.

Another one who doesn’t own her mistakes…..

Capital letters do not make your point any stronger.

You might also want to quote what you’re responding to, because currently some of your posts are non sensical.

thepariscrimefiles · 21/05/2025 17:39

AJ20 · 21/05/2025 17:36

I'm saying you are bring dramatic. If being disinvited from an event at 7 years old haunts you, I'm not surprised you are having this reaction to a post where we have very little information on the actual story of WHY he may have been uninvited.

I would never have anyone in my house I didn't want there. Adult or child, simple. And I would not be extending pity invites out of a mistake or courtesy.

It's quite obvious that you would never do anything out of courtesy. I would assume that you and courtesy are strangers to each other.

TooGoodToGoto · 21/05/2025 17:39

AJ20 · 21/05/2025 17:38

I don't know which is why I wouldn't comment on that. What I'm saying is there certainly is a reason, the inviter is providing the location, which is even more important as it is her HOME, dealing with the expense and whatever reason she has be it too many kids attending or a child that potentially could be a problem that is her choice.

Who are you answering?

TooGoodToGoto · 21/05/2025 17:39

Lifeofryan · 21/05/2025 17:35

I think we've got the host mum on here!

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😆

AutumnLover1989 · 21/05/2025 17:40

Do you know why you have removed from the group?

CautiousLurker01 · 21/05/2025 17:40

Exaltedmalteaser · 21/05/2025 16:33

I have said her uninviting him is rude. She said sorry and it's 'just' a mistake. No backstory. I think she really has no insight.

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I’d be asking her to explain her mistake to my son in person then.

BunnyEaster · 21/05/2025 17:40

People are weird and rude. My dds entire class was invited to a whole class party. Dd was not. She has ASD. The mum of the party boy made a real effect to come up to me and another mum saying how sad it was that my mum mates child couldn't go as everyone else was there, that child was so delightful, popular, polite, well behaved and everyone loves her.

I felt like saying "so unlike my shit head of a child eh?. I get it. I'm not completely stupid and your laying on the snide insults with the grace of bulldozer"

Op ot really hurts but unfortunately it's part of the course bring a mum so don't take it personally. It's her, not you.

They might end up on the receiving end eventually. The mum above was moaning to my dh her son is being picked on now by a lot of the boys in his class years later. I doubt she sees the irony. It sucks

Donthaveacowman45 · 21/05/2025 17:41

EsmeSusanOgg · 21/05/2025 17:17

Do you know many 7 year olds? This is absolutely the sort of thing they understand, and are impacted by.

Perhaps you were fortunate enough to never be excluded in this way growing up. But this is something that does impact children of this age.

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No, I don’t. I prefer people in my social group to be my own age. I do have a teenage daughter, so yes I have met and known many 7 year olds at some point and them children certainly have not been impacted so negatively by being uninvited to a party. Did care, couldn’t even tell you if it was a Friday or Saturday. The thing is kids need to understand that they’re not going to be included in everything. Move on. Get over it.

Nanny0gg · 21/05/2025 17:41

AJ20 · 21/05/2025 17:36

I'm saying you are bring dramatic. If being disinvited from an event at 7 years old haunts you, I'm not surprised you are having this reaction to a post where we have very little information on the actual story of WHY he may have been uninvited.

I would never have anyone in my house I didn't want there. Adult or child, simple. And I would not be extending pity invites out of a mistake or courtesy.

There really are some unkind, rude people out there these days

If it was your mistake, unless bullying, then you should own it.

He's seven for god's sake! Who goes out of their way to upset a kid?

Nanny0gg · 21/05/2025 17:42

Donthaveacowman45 · 21/05/2025 17:41

No, I don’t. I prefer people in my social group to be my own age. I do have a teenage daughter, so yes I have met and known many 7 year olds at some point and them children certainly have not been impacted so negatively by being uninvited to a party. Did care, couldn’t even tell you if it was a Friday or Saturday. The thing is kids need to understand that they’re not going to be included in everything. Move on. Get over it.

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There really are some bloody horrible people out there these days

So many don't think of anyone else

Spinachpastapicker · 21/05/2025 17:42

LunchtimeNaps · 21/05/2025 17:27

My youngest was left of off a few party invites from the same clique of parents and I was told by a mutual
friend is was because of the job DP and I do. 🤣

Police or teachers is my bet!

Nanny0gg · 21/05/2025 17:44

AJ20 · 21/05/2025 17:38

I don't know which is why I wouldn't comment on that. What I'm saying is there certainly is a reason, the inviter is providing the location, which is even more important as it is her HOME, dealing with the expense and whatever reason she has be it too many kids attending or a child that potentially could be a problem that is her choice.

Then she should have been more careful when she sent the invitations out