To think uninviting a child to a party is exceedingly rude

[Exaltedmalteaser]

My child (7 years old)got a party invite via a WhatsApp group. I asked him if he wanted to come, he did, and I replied saying he would love to come on the group. So far, so normal.

I then was removed from the group, and received a message to say that his invite was a mistake.

AIBU to think regardless of mistakes, you don't uninvite? My child has been in nursery/school with this child for years, they play together, and it's not a small party either, or one where numbers are critical or pay per head (just a party at home, which is also fine, and I know they have a good size home and garden).

I don't care that he isn't invited, just that he has been invited, when he is aware of the invite now. He will now be hearing kids talking about the party at school, thinking he is going, but not able to go.

I'd make up some excuse and do something else with DS instead. I'd also make a note to never invite her child to a party.

I cannot believe these people walk amongst us. Has that parent no shame???

Let’s not get dramatic. Small social disaster? 😂 kids at 7 don’t even know what day it is. He’s hardly going to remember a date of the birthday. Not everyone will be invited to parties quicker he learns that the better.

No, this is just lousy.

That’s awful . Not so much around the manners aspect of it but how upsetting for a child to think they were invited to something and then to be told they weren’t.

I couldn't care less whether he is invited to the party. What is not ok is inviting him then uninviting him. I have older children and I have never come across an uninvite before, so no, it's not something that just happens in my experience.

I find some responses a bit weird. No you are not obliged to explain/apologise/ do anything for anyone else ever. But it is normal and polite to do so and grease the wheels of social interaction a bit when you've made a gaffe.

That is to say, explain 'im so sorry, that was meant for Harry S and we're a bit limited on numbers'. Doesn't have to be strictly true, simply that they are limited for Harry B. Or if they all get on roughly and it's an informal party, just absorb another party bag and slice of cake.

Is it worth asking if there's an issue between the kids?

Happened to us last week, sort of. DS2 has got two "Alex" in his class (y7) and he wanted to invite one of them. One of his friends saw his invites and yelled to Axel 2 that "cool, you're invited as well" and Alex2 was so happy and said "thanks, that's really nice". I'm really proud of how DS2 handled it. He gave Alex2 the invite and told Alex1 he forgot his invite at home.
Even an 11 year old has enough empathy to understand that it's hurtful to disinvite even if it's a mistake so a for a mum to do this it's really unforgiveable!!

How can someome be so nasty to a child? it is beyond me. I feel for your son

Do you know many 7 year olds? This is absolutely the sort of thing they understand, and are impacted by.

Perhaps you were fortunate enough to never be excluded in this way growing up. But this is something that does impact children of this age.

It's not just rude, it's cruel to do to a child.

Sorry, I disagree with you all. She explained it was a mistake, her house, her decision, she owes you nothing. Who knows the backstory or reasons for this?! I bet there are some! There's very few people who would do this without good reason. Explain to your son the invite was a mistake and this time he wasnt invited, encourage some resilience, unless he is literally the only child not going from a whole class this is a ridiculous post.

Similar thing happened to my son when he was about the same age.
He had been sent home with a paper invite addressed to him and I accepted. A few days later we sent out his birthday party invites and it was for the same place (it was the place all the boys were picking). The mum then texts me to say he had been uninvited as her son was angry that my sons party was at the same place and therefore he didn’t want him to come.
I just text back ‘fair enough’ and left it.
Didn’t retract her sons invite to my sons party, and she had the brass neck to bring him as well!

N’ah! An adult who makes a mistake needs to take some bloody responsibility to put it right instead of brushing it under the carpet.

OP had replied to accept on the WhatsApp before some of the others replied so if it’s a question of numbers, the party mum should have rescinded one of the late responders invites instead.

At a minimum she should have apologised profusely and explained what went wrong.

Uninviting a 7yr old child to a birthday party without a decent explanation as if it’s no big deal is crap parenting 101 and she deserves to be called out on her shitty behaviour.

Wow that’s just rude and mean of the parent, what is wrong with some people xx

Rude!

Agree it’s really rude, but your main focus now should be making up a white lie to your son to pretend you can’t go, so he doesn’t feel left out. You can’t demand he’s invited back or just show up. And it wouldn’t be nice for your son to have the other parent have to explain to your son that they made a mistake and he’s uninvited. Only real option to give the best chance of your son not feeling bad about it is to say oops turns out we can’t make x party date, never mind. Would have worked fine on my 7 year olds.

Owing someone nothing doesn't make it the right course of action. It is crass and cruel. Sure, you can't change what she has done - but she should be called out for her awful behaviour.

Mumsnet is usually full of posters telling others to not be doormats and stand up against bullying and nastiness. This is nasty behaviour, even if it originated in a genuine error.

Do you not remember anything from your childhood? I'm in my 40s and I absolutely remember casual cruelties like this. They had a bigger impact because I was a child. As an adult, I expect some people to be a bit shitty. But not at 7.

Is this a child your DC is friends with or did it feel like quite a random invite?

It might be uncomfortable for your DC to have turned up to a party if they’re the only one who isn’t part of the friendship group because they were a completely random addition through a name mix-up.

Not inviting him in the first place would be absolutely fine. Inviting him, even by accident, meant that he was told he was invited as his mum asked him if he wanted to go. Unless the venue is limited on numbers, which probably isn't the case as it is a party at home, it is rude and unkind to uninvite.

My youngest was left of off a few party invites from the same clique of parents and I was told by a mutual
friend is was because of the job DP and I do. 🤣

Crass and cruel?! This child will go through far worse than a party he won't even remember in a couple of weeks. It's a birthday party, there will be plenty more, some he may be invited to, others he may not. You are defending something on a public platform that you have no idea the reasoning for. I'd love to hear the inviters side personally.

It's rock-bottom basic manners that if one accidentally invites someone to a social event, one never lets on, and graciously hosts them.

What lowlife those people must be, to uninvite a child.