To think uninviting a child to a party is exceedingly rude

[Exaltedmalteaser]

My child (7 years old)got a party invite via a WhatsApp group. I asked him if he wanted to come, he did, and I replied saying he would love to come on the group. So far, so normal.

I then was removed from the group, and received a message to say that his invite was a mistake.

AIBU to think regardless of mistakes, you don't uninvite? My child has been in nursery/school with this child for years, they play together, and it's not a small party either, or one where numbers are critical or pay per head (just a party at home, which is also fine, and I know they have a good size home and garden).

I don't care that he isn't invited, just that he has been invited, when he is aware of the invite now. He will now be hearing kids talking about the party at school, thinking he is going, but not able to go.

Also I’d just book something else with your DC or visit a family member so they have a really obvious reason why they can’t attend.

In the days before WhatsApp I addressed a paper invitation to Kate instead of Cate (my son was friends with the latter but barely knew the former and I didn’t know that there were two children with the same name spelled differently). When I realised the mistake I just invited Cate asap and explained to her dad why the invitation was a bit late. No way would I have uninvited the other child!

So why didn't the mum explain the nature of the mistake, ie sorry got the wrong Harry. The fact that she provided absolutely no clarification means she knows she's been caught out being really rude but isn't prepared to explain why. Thats not just rude it's cowardice.

Number of kids invited, the cost of things are reasons. The the parent did uninvited the child without giving a really really good reason

I suspect it was name confusion, which can happen, but the uninviting part is still rude. I reply only a day after the invite so unlikely much had changed, and also others still hadn't RSVPed, so numbers were not confirmed yet.

I doubt the parent would care.

Well if it’s the “your child has bashed mine with a stick and my child now hates them” perhaps that’s why?

Even if it’s “we meant to invite Harry B but I got the wrong person because you’re next to his mum on my contact” she’s not obliged to explain and probably feels quite embarrassed.

It’s also possible that she meant to invite the OP’s child but has now realised that she can’t afford it. Again embarrassing to explain but understandable?

If it wasn’t a genuine mistake what’s the alternative- that she invited the OPs child deliberately just so she could uninvite and make life difficult for herself/ make the child feel sad.

Either way, I’m not denying it’s rude but not worth starting a major feud over.

Beyond rude.

If it was a mistake I doubt she cares what you think or about your child.

Unless there's much more to this that's incredibly rude and brazen of them. I once did genuinely end up with a child invited to my child's birthday party by mistake (invitations handed out by school teacher and I had no idea that there would be 2 children in the class with the same unusual name). It was a small party and my child hardly knew the other child but as they accepted I wouldn't have dreamed of uninviting her. (She came along, they all got on well, no drama). Like Tootiredforthis suggested, I'd pretend to my child that I'd decided he couldn't go because I'd forgotten about some other exciting thing we were doing that day.

I'd definitely be bitching about it to other mums and laying it on thick that my sin was upset.

As this thread shows, people will judge her and I'd get some satisfaction out of that.

This is it, mistakes happen, but I would have thought parents would still include following. I would never dream of uninviting a child in this situation.

This is just mean

I think it’s better not to but what if the party is strictly limited in numbers? My kids have had craft parties, nerf parties and trampolines/ inflateables in the garden where the numbers were really strictly constrained. It might be the case that keeping your invite meant not inviting someone who the birthday child really wanted there. Either that or there has been a recent personality clash at school and the mum can’t face it seeping into the party.

Either way, best thing is just to move on and perhaps give the child and the mum a bit of a wide berth.

which is so pretty bloody petty, imagine being that self righteous they are openly judging a parent for making a mistake

Always two sides to every story

You don’t get uninvited for no reason

I once sent a save the date to the parent of a child by mistake. they had got got ointo the wrong class WhatsApp group and then moved over to the right one after the invite had been sent. The mum sent me a message on the day asking what had happened to the invite and what time should they arrive.

On the one hand it was inconvenient because I didn't have the right number of party bags et cetera but there was no way that he was uninvited. In fact I bent over backwards to make sure that they were welcome to come, having explained why they didn't receive the final invitation.

Yeah the kids are only 7! You’ve got 4 years of pickups/ drop offs still to do. Plus sods law you’ll end up with the kids wanting to be best friends with someone where you’ve had a go at the mum or obviously bitched about them. It’s a probably tedious kids party and a bag of sweets not a garden party at Buck House or tickets to Wimbledon!

Did you say I had told him and he's really upset at being uninvited?

Nah, the other parent was cruel to a kid. Damned straight I would be petty (not the person who posted first). You have to be a real dick to uninvite a 7-year-old. Especially as there is no background/ conflict and the party is clearly somewhere without strict limits.

Sounds awkward. But maybe there is only so many children she wants coming to the house and/or maybe has a specific activity booked at home for a set number of children, therefore including your child would mean there would be too many. It sounds a bit embarrassing that she then uninvited your child without giving any more detail than saying it was a mistake and I would have hoped she said more (e.g. sorry wrong Harry or sorry the boys don't play together that much anymore and I can only invite 5 friends).

I think this is the approach. Ask her if she is going to explain to a 7 year old why she uninvited him.

To a young child that's not a small thing, fair enough the mum made a mistake no big deal for the adults, but a small social disaster for a 7 year old. I know he needs to toughen up, worse things happen, etc, but not nice.

Agree. When does this judging stop? Lot of parents are here are sounding like children.

This is because you're clearly a decent person. I am aghast at how many people think what this mum has done is ok!