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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think uninviting a child to a party is exceedingly rude

363 replies

Exaltedmalteaser · 21/05/2025 16:26

My child (7 years old)got a party invite via a WhatsApp group. I asked him if he wanted to come, he did, and I replied saying he would love to come on the group. So far, so normal.

I then was removed from the group, and received a message to say that his invite was a mistake.

AIBU to think regardless of mistakes, you don't uninvite? My child has been in nursery/school with this child for years, they play together, and it's not a small party either, or one where numbers are critical or pay per head (just a party at home, which is also fine, and I know they have a good size home and garden).

I don't care that he isn't invited, just that he has been invited, when he is aware of the invite now. He will now be hearing kids talking about the party at school, thinking he is going, but not able to go.

OP posts:
TheGrimSmile · 22/05/2025 08:51

Just awful. People are horrible. I would tell your son that you've just remembered that you have plans already - and plan something - rather than say he's been uninvited.

thetrumanshow · 22/05/2025 09:49

Exaltedmalteaser · 22/05/2025 08:41

Thank you. I can't believe that she doesn't realise this. I don't know if her partner is aware she is behaving like this. He seems pretty reasonable and I would have thought would be appalled, but then I thought she also seemed pretty reasonable too. Our other children are friends and have had playdates too, so it's not like I don't know them.

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You don't know if HER PARTNER is aware? 😂 how more patronising can you get.

I have no idea why the idea of your child at her house party was such a no, and why she just kept him on the invitation list after her mistake. It's unlikely there's no reason at all.

I wonder if she has told her partner or anyone else about this, it might give her some insight into her behaviour.
I still think you got that part completely wrong, and you are naive if you think she can't tell her friends in a way that is not flattering for you - just being factual, she made a mistake and you are throwing an absolute tantrum about it. The more drama you create, the worst you appear. It's up to you.

Original poster
Exaltedmalteaser · 22/05/2025 10:10

thetrumanshow · 22/05/2025 09:49

You don't know if HER PARTNER is aware? 😂 how more patronising can you get.

I have no idea why the idea of your child at her house party was such a no, and why she just kept him on the invitation list after her mistake. It's unlikely there's no reason at all.

I wonder if she has told her partner or anyone else about this, it might give her some insight into her behaviour.
I still think you got that part completely wrong, and you are naive if you think she can't tell her friends in a way that is not flattering for you - just being factual, she made a mistake and you are throwing an absolute tantrum about it. The more drama you create, the worst you appear. It's up to you.

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Lol. Your opinion is definitely in the minority here. 98% agree with me that she is unbelievably rude. I have just called out her appalling behaviour, nothing more, so I don't know how she can spin this where she looks good without lying.

OP posts:
Original poster
Exaltedmalteaser · 22/05/2025 10:15

thetrumanshow · 22/05/2025 09:49

You don't know if HER PARTNER is aware? 😂 how more patronising can you get.

I have no idea why the idea of your child at her house party was such a no, and why she just kept him on the invitation list after her mistake. It's unlikely there's no reason at all.

I wonder if she has told her partner or anyone else about this, it might give her some insight into her behaviour.
I still think you got that part completely wrong, and you are naive if you think she can't tell her friends in a way that is not flattering for you - just being factual, she made a mistake and you are throwing an absolute tantrum about it. The more drama you create, the worst you appear. It's up to you.

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Are you the mum? That would make your replies make sense. Otherwise you are just coming across as bonkers.

OP posts:
Helloworlditsmeagain · 22/05/2025 10:22

I wouldn't be surprised if that poster is the obnoxious mum.

thetrumanshow · 22/05/2025 10:30

Exaltedmalteaser · 22/05/2025 10:15

Are you the mum? That would make your replies make sense. Otherwise you are just coming across as bonkers.

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You are the one making a drama, telling someone she is rude for making a mistake, and blocking her. It's bizarre, and I don't need to know the other woman to guess she is not bothered - or she would have just kept the invitation instead of backtracking so fast. With no fixed number, there is a reason surely.

I would love to know the reason, but she does, and you are forgetting when she is telling others, they will know why too.

If you like to call me bonkers, go for it, goes well with the rest😂

thetrumanshow · 22/05/2025 10:32

Exaltedmalteaser · 22/05/2025 10:10

Lol. Your opinion is definitely in the minority here. 98% agree with me that she is unbelievably rude. I have just called out her appalling behaviour, nothing more, so I don't know how she can spin this where she looks good without lying.

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when parents point blank refuse to involve a child, it's either because of the child or because of the parents, and others tend to know it, and more often than not agree. That's just what I was trying to say.

Stepfordian · 22/05/2025 10:33

Incredibly rude, even if I invited an absolute horror of a child by mistake, or it was going to cost me an extra £50 for an extra party place (appreciate that’s not an issue here) I’d just suck it up and put up with them for 2 hours rather than uninvite a child!

LittleFrogs · 22/05/2025 10:41

I was in that whatsapp group. I don't think there was any malace, she did say in the initial invite that it's only 13 children going. She mistook your name for another mums name on the class WhatsApp group as there's one letter different.
Doing craft activities is quite hard to manage with lots of children.

Original poster
Exaltedmalteaser · 22/05/2025 11:01

LittleFrogs · 22/05/2025 10:41

I was in that whatsapp group. I don't think there was any malace, she did say in the initial invite that it's only 13 children going. She mistook your name for another mums name on the class WhatsApp group as there's one letter different.
Doing craft activities is quite hard to manage with lots of children.

I'm not sure if this is the same group, as there was no mention as to the number invited in the WhatsApp group. There was more than 13 numbers in the group though.

Regardless, is there much of a difference between 13 and 14 children, and is there a need to uninvite? In my experience there is always at least one child who cannot make the date as well.

OP posts:
MissScarletInTheBallroom · 22/05/2025 11:03

LittleFrogs · 22/05/2025 10:41

I was in that whatsapp group. I don't think there was any malace, she did say in the initial invite that it's only 13 children going. She mistook your name for another mums name on the class WhatsApp group as there's one letter different.
Doing craft activities is quite hard to manage with lots of children.

None of that excuses rudeness.

You make a mistake, you live with it.

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 22/05/2025 11:08

What type of party was it. If it was an activity with a strict limit then I could see it as very disorganised and embarrassing for the person rather than rude

pollymere · 22/05/2025 11:15

I HAVE had to uninvite a child after they had a massive falling out. But obviously the invited child didn't want to go anymore either. They made up afterwards and we had a trip with just the two of them. However, I chose the more tactful route of talking to the Mum and explaining that they'd clearly had a row and so DC didn't want them to come anymore. I was extremely embarrassed and the Mum was lovely.

If I'd invited a child in error, I'd have just made room.

Thisismetooaswell · 22/05/2025 11:23

Not just rude but downright unkind to a child. I would be very hurt on m child's behalf. You just cannot uninvite a child (or anyone)

BarnacleBeasley · 22/05/2025 11:27

Like PPs, I would probably just have included the child and not said anything. If I'd already had my kid draw up a guest list and he'd said he didn't want your kid, I would probably have chosen to have an awkward conversation with my child rather than social awkwardness with you.

But in the interests of trying to imagine that not everyone is a total bastard... Not all parents actually ask their kids if they want to go to a party or not. I would ask if my DC didn't know the child that well (child of my friends, not his friend) or if it was an activity I thought he might not like. But if it was someone I know he likes on a date that worked for us, I'd just accept on his behalf. If the inviting mum does the same, it might not have occurred to her that your child would already know about the invitation. In which case I'd say it's a bit rude, but nowhere near as bad as inviting the child directly and then telling the child they can't come.

If I were the inviting mum and I'd done this, if I messaged you that it was a mistake and you said 'well, I think you're being really rude', I'd find that a bit weird. If you said 'oh shit, that's awkward because I asked DC if he wanted to come so now he thinks he's invited', I'd try and squeeze him in.

Original poster
Exaltedmalteaser · 22/05/2025 11:35

BarnacleBeasley · 22/05/2025 11:27

Like PPs, I would probably just have included the child and not said anything. If I'd already had my kid draw up a guest list and he'd said he didn't want your kid, I would probably have chosen to have an awkward conversation with my child rather than social awkwardness with you.

But in the interests of trying to imagine that not everyone is a total bastard... Not all parents actually ask their kids if they want to go to a party or not. I would ask if my DC didn't know the child that well (child of my friends, not his friend) or if it was an activity I thought he might not like. But if it was someone I know he likes on a date that worked for us, I'd just accept on his behalf. If the inviting mum does the same, it might not have occurred to her that your child would already know about the invitation. In which case I'd say it's a bit rude, but nowhere near as bad as inviting the child directly and then telling the child they can't come.

If I were the inviting mum and I'd done this, if I messaged you that it was a mistake and you said 'well, I think you're being really rude', I'd find that a bit weird. If you said 'oh shit, that's awkward because I asked DC if he wanted to come so now he thinks he's invited', I'd try and squeeze him in.

I wouldn't want him to go regardless now as it would be really awkward, and clearly I wouldn't send him when he isn't welcome. If nothing had been said I would have been none the wiser.

My reply said 'X would love to come' which I thought made it pretty clear he was aware of the invite and would like to come. This is a child he knows well and plays with.

OP posts:
Original poster
Exaltedmalteaser · 22/05/2025 11:36

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 22/05/2025 11:08

What type of party was it. If it was an activity with a strict limit then I could see it as very disorganised and embarrassing for the person rather than rude

A party at home. If the other poster who replied was correct, they planned to do some crafts. Nothing number critical or pay per head.

OP posts:
Helloworlditsmeagain · 22/05/2025 11:37

thetrumanshow · 22/05/2025 10:32

when parents point blank refuse to involve a child, it's either because of the child or because of the parents, and others tend to know it, and more often than not agree. That's just what I was trying to say.

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A lot of the time those parents who pretend to agree think they are a wanker and tolerates them. They have to show pretence for their child's sake not that they agree with her point of view of the parent or child they have taken a dislike to. When I heard the playground gossip I only listened I never gave my opinion.

BarnacleBeasley · 22/05/2025 11:38

My reply said 'X would love to come' which I thought made it pretty clear he was aware of the invite and would like to come.

Yeah, but people write that whether they've asked their child or not. I think that's exactly what I said last time DC was invited to a party and I definitely hadn't asked him!

Original poster
Exaltedmalteaser · 22/05/2025 11:40

BarnacleBeasley · 22/05/2025 11:38

My reply said 'X would love to come' which I thought made it pretty clear he was aware of the invite and would like to come.

Yeah, but people write that whether they've asked their child or not. I think that's exactly what I said last time DC was invited to a party and I definitely hadn't asked him!

That's fair, but there was no clarification asked from me. I always ask just in case they aren't keen, and we get a lot of party invites. I never thought it wouldn't be safe to ask, due to an imminent uninvite.

OP posts:
Enough4me · 22/05/2025 11:47

If it's crafts at home it wouldn't make a difference if it was 13 or 14. If a child was invited it's rude to uninvite them.
OP I'd avoid someone who was thoughtless like that too.

LauraP32 · 22/05/2025 12:25

BarnacleBeasley · 22/05/2025 11:27

Like PPs, I would probably just have included the child and not said anything. If I'd already had my kid draw up a guest list and he'd said he didn't want your kid, I would probably have chosen to have an awkward conversation with my child rather than social awkwardness with you.

But in the interests of trying to imagine that not everyone is a total bastard... Not all parents actually ask their kids if they want to go to a party or not. I would ask if my DC didn't know the child that well (child of my friends, not his friend) or if it was an activity I thought he might not like. But if it was someone I know he likes on a date that worked for us, I'd just accept on his behalf. If the inviting mum does the same, it might not have occurred to her that your child would already know about the invitation. In which case I'd say it's a bit rude, but nowhere near as bad as inviting the child directly and then telling the child they can't come.

If I were the inviting mum and I'd done this, if I messaged you that it was a mistake and you said 'well, I think you're being really rude', I'd find that a bit weird. If you said 'oh shit, that's awkward because I asked DC if he wanted to come so now he thinks he's invited', I'd try and squeeze him in.

I see your point entirely but just one thing - You have to bare in mind (if I remember right) the Mum deleted her message and then kicked her off the group before sending her the message.

So that contributed to the - this is really rude.

I mean it's pretty humiliating for the OP to reply - 'my son would love to come' in front of all the other mums only to have that happen.

Regardless which Mum saw her message. I'd feel pretty humiliated in that context.

thetrumanshow · 22/05/2025 13:33

Helloworlditsmeagain · 22/05/2025 11:37

A lot of the time those parents who pretend to agree think they are a wanker and tolerates them. They have to show pretence for their child's sake not that they agree with her point of view of the parent or child they have taken a dislike to. When I heard the playground gossip I only listened I never gave my opinion.

Edited
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It's not someone going round the playground badmouthing a child or their parent, is more comments you get. I have been told "oh you are brave!" by people when I invited some children as part of large groups 😂

Some people ARE difficult, it's not taking a "dislike to" a child, it's plain and simple fact that either the child can be "difficult" to say the least, and/or other children do not like them. Same with parents known to be too dramatic.
It's easy to see which children are always invited, and which ones less.

DraigCymraeg · 22/05/2025 17:38

It's a 7 year old child - this is very odd and cruel.

mediumdicketh · 22/05/2025 17:43

Parent WhatsApp groups shouldn't exist. Full of c u next Tuesdays