To think uninviting a child to a party is exceedingly rude

[Exaltedmalteaser]

My child (7 years old)got a party invite via a WhatsApp group. I asked him if he wanted to come, he did, and I replied saying he would love to come on the group. So far, so normal.

I then was removed from the group, and received a message to say that his invite was a mistake.

AIBU to think regardless of mistakes, you don't uninvite? My child has been in nursery/school with this child for years, they play together, and it's not a small party either, or one where numbers are critical or pay per head (just a party at home, which is also fine, and I know they have a good size home and garden).

I don't care that he isn't invited, just that he has been invited, when he is aware of the invite now. He will now be hearing kids talking about the party at school, thinking he is going, but not able to go.

But the other parent doesn’t care about the child, hence the uninviting. So by explaining all this to them it isn’t going to really achieve anything as they ultimately don’t care. Plus the op blocked them and can’t see if there are any replies. Also don’t think Op mentioned anything about the child knowing yet he’s not upset at this moment in time.

Very rude but I had a similar ISH situation happen with my 7year old. I took him to a play area called Flip out for the day and he didn't even care that he missed the party because he had so much fun. See if there's a fun day you guys could do together that day instead possibly?

Agree it’s shocking from the other parent. I think I’d make them squirm by saying ‘oh I’ve already bought the present and reorganised an appointment so XX could attend! What’s the issue??” And await their response.
if they say they’ve invited too many kids etc I’d offer to pay for my child and I’d try whatever to avoid my child being hurt / let down etc.

Id also blacklist that parent for life. What a twat!!

Make sure you let her know your child already thinks he's going and she's a twat for it. Please please don't tell him he's been uninvited. Make up some excuse.

But he was invited and regardless of whether he'll remember the date, he'll definitely remember whn he heads others talking about it.

No way should OP grovel to the other mother! She kicked OP out of the WA group and deleted her messaging thanking her for the invite. That is brutal. OP is right to maintain her self-respect and keep her blocked.

My cousin is a teacher some people goes into teaching because they can't find another job. They don't know what to do with their English or History degree so they go into teaching. She probably hates her job and slags of the parents as well.

Want to add - I hope this other parent is in mumsnet and reads this and sees what everyone here thinks as it’ll be eye opening for them 😂

You obviously don’t have kids.

@arcticpandas

Your son handled that so well.

You’ve done the right thing, she was extremely rude and should be told that.

My DC handed out invites to their class once and someone’s parent who DC didn’t know (not in their class) replied, they couldn’t come (probably because they didn’t even know who my DC was) but if they would of said they were coming then that would of been fine, I’d never tell them they were invited by mistake. This child does play with your DC which makes it a lot worse.

Scum

A lot do, yes. They shouldn't be there but can't get another job.

They are 7, this is the age they need to be taught empathy and owning your mistakes. If mum had invited OP's boy by mistake, mum can explain this to her son and say that it is unkind to uninvite OPs dc now. She can say to the birthday boy "imagine <insert name of birthday boy's friends> invited you and then said you can't come, you'll feel upset wouldn't you? I don't think we should make <insert OPs dc's name > feel like that". If the birthday boy doesn't want to play with OPs dc then he doesn't have to. There'll be other children that OPs dc can play with.

7 is also more than old enough to learn to stand for yourself, and that you don't have to be pushed to spend any time with someone you don't like, and that it goes both ways.

It's healthy to teach children to have boundaries with some people and stick with them.

We should stop forcing our children to invite people they don't like.

In his case, it was a mistake, I am aware!

That is being a doormat.

I used to give out verbal save the dates as often my child would omit an important friend due a falling out. It was always done in good humour. I think once the falling out was bad enough an invite wasn't given at all however. We also used to have to alternate two friends in junior school because they couldn't stand each other 😂.

It was rude but the Mum is probably trying to juggle and indulge the kid a bit too much.

please don’t tell your son. make up an excuse why you can’t go

Firstly, it's not hard to just not fuck up something as simple as getting the right kids invited to a party.

Secondly, it's how you handle your own mistake that matters. I would never uninvite a child and hurt their feelings because I fucked up. Its one small child attending an at-home party. Its not like the mum invited the whole class by mistake.

She was careless and if she thinks she's handled it fine then she shouldn't worry about other people talking about it, should she. She hasn't done anything wrong in your opinion so she won't have anything to worry about. I'm sure noone will empathise with the "petty" mum, as this thread shows.

If I was in her shoes and I absolutely couldn't accommodate, I would have grovelled and flattered a bit, saying I'd gotten confused and was having two little gatherings and had added DC to the wrong invitation day. I'd then organise a smaller playdate and suck it up because we all make mistakes but it's how we handle them that counts.

Interesting that in this whole thread, despite some defending the uninviting, not one person has admitted to doing the same. It's clearly not a done thing, and 98% agree!

Plenty have said the opposite, that they have invited kids by accident, then welcomed them.

I will avoid this mum from now on. I wonder if she has told her partner or anyone else about this, it might give her some insight into her behaviour.

Thank you. Yes, absolutely no point grovelling. I wouldn't want to take him once he has been uninvited as it would be bloody awkward. He should never have been invited to begin with.

To answer another poster, I was never rude to the other mother, I just said that uninviting was rude.

No friendship issues, no. If there was then I'm sure the school, or this tactless mother, would have raised it (she clearly does not feel inhibited)

Totally rude! Especially given your kiddo wanted to go (it wasn't a case of him being utterly confused and not liking the kids in question). If I'd accidentally invited a child I would of course still invite them!!! With one caveat: if the child that had been accidentally invited had been bullying my child or was for some reason someone my child really was upset being around. Though, in that case, I would suck it up and tell the kid's parent the reason for the uninviting.

It's horrible thinking that people don't want to actually spend time with you. I remember my little sister being really excited about getting an invite to a birthday party once...she was at a new school and was so happy to be invited. It turned out that she'd only been invited to make up numbers (the activity that was planned required them to pay for a certain number of kids). And the nasty little snot who's birthday party it was told my sister that this was the case once she was at the party. It was so humiliating and cruddy. And of course back then there were no cellphones so there was no way for her to call home and ask to be picked up. So she just had to put up with it (the little snotty brat in question went on to become a GP - so just goes to show that there are indeed some rotten apples in the NHS - I feel bad for anyone who gets her as a doctor...)

Long way round of saying: it was shitty of them to uninvite your son, but i am glad he wasn't subjected to a situation of being somewhere where he wasn't really wanted. From now on don't bother inviting that other kid to anything.

It's not just rude. It is cruel and unkind. I would have nothing more to do with this parent of the child. Absolutely vile and hurtful.

yes, get rid of her, you were dead right to block her. Life is short, don't waste it on wasters. Imagine a scenario where you as an adult are invited to a party and then the invitation is rescinded as a mistake. How cutting, how ignorant, how ridiculous. Why is it any different for a child?

Thank you. I can't believe that she doesn't realise this. I don't know if her partner is aware she is behaving like this. He seems pretty reasonable and I would have thought would be appalled, but then I thought she also seemed pretty reasonable too. Our other children are friends and have had playdates too, so it's not like I don't know them.