To think uninviting a child to a party is exceedingly rude

[Exaltedmalteaser]

My child (7 years old)got a party invite via a WhatsApp group. I asked him if he wanted to come, he did, and I replied saying he would love to come on the group. So far, so normal.

I then was removed from the group, and received a message to say that his invite was a mistake.

AIBU to think regardless of mistakes, you don't uninvite? My child has been in nursery/school with this child for years, they play together, and it's not a small party either, or one where numbers are critical or pay per head (just a party at home, which is also fine, and I know they have a good size home and garden).

I don't care that he isn't invited, just that he has been invited, when he is aware of the invite now. He will now be hearing kids talking about the party at school, thinking he is going, but not able to go.

You’ve gone on another thread that I’m on, commented a derogatory comment.

That is stalking…… you’ve not just read comments. Come on, own it! You’ve done it!

I’ve looked through all the thread and it was you that’s been starting arguments with other posters. But you did start the beef with that poster first. So think it’s you that’s the problem. And now you’re starting beef with me because I commented.

I didn’t know it was you, I don’t pat attention to usernames, you obviously leave idiotic comments on other threads too. You know what you are & I’m right

Sorry, you tagged me and I responded, am I not allowed to? Do I have to just accept your view and not respond?

If so, why do you feel that’s acceptable?

“beef with me” 😀

That’s horrendous and cruel. We don’t know why he wasn’t invited then uninvited but to suggest punishing a child when the issue is with the parents is 🤯

That's so strange of the other parent. I'd want to know why too. If it is 'just a mistake' and nothing else behind it, then it seems weird to uninvite. If there are friendship issues then I could more understand - and I'd want to know too.

I wouldn't make this a big deal with your son. I wouldn't make it a huge day etc just a change of plans...

And I would have blocked her too. There won't be any playdates. You don't normally converse with her. If there is a class group chat she will still be on it - and that's enough.

I’m pointing it out and so are other posters that you seem to start arguments and leave weird comments regularly.

Where did I start “beef” with you?

By answering you, when you tagged me? Are you actually saying I can’t respond?

Because that’s what it seems like to me.

You knew it was me, your comment was unkind and pointed. At least own it?

Haven't read the full thread but have read all the OP's posts. It does seem a cruel thing to do to a 7 year old especially as there doesn't seem to be a limit on numbers. From what you've said the party boy mum has acted very matter of fact about it, some people do lack empathy and she is clearly one of them.

Saying “blimey, there’s two of you” you’ve already made quite derogatory comments about that other PP and then say that. As we speak you’re having ANOTHER argument with someone on this post. So yes, you seem to be the problem here.

I said casual cruelties. This scenario is not a child not getting an invite... This is a child who knows about the invite having that invite rescinded for no clear reason. That's a different situation.

In terms of an example of casual cruelty that stayed with me. I loved singing, like many children I was not very good. One year, instead of a nativity they decided to do a concert. I spent a couple of weeks learning the song along with classmates... To be dragged out of the line up a few days before the performance. Told by a teacher that my voice was ruining everything. And given a triangle to hold at the back of the orchestra very much out of sight with all the severely disabled children (mostly Down's Syndrome or non-verbal autism) from the attached special unit. I stopped singing for pleasure that day, and never really picked it up again. Had I never been with the bigger group singing,it would have hurt a lot less.

Your comment belies a total lack of empathy. For a child. And makes fun of those who have said (as backed by multiple scientific and medical journals) that these sort of actions cause lasting upset.

As an adult I have a successful high-pressure job, a loving husband, and two lovely kids. My oldest little boy is 6 a d he demonstrates more empathy than you do with your comments.

The world would be better if we all exercised a little more kindness for others.

I would be sending a message to the mother saying:

Oh no, he was so happy and excited about coming. I can't really bring myself to tell him it was a mistake and he can't go, when all his friends are. He's not really old enough to deal with that. Would you mind if he came please?

Have read all your posts @Exaltedmalteaser.

YANBU. Really awful behaviour. More than rude: unkind. If you invite a child by mistake and it’s a party at home with a lot of children, one extra makes no difference whatsoever, unless they need a great deal of extra supervision.

Even if your own DC says: “I don’t want Johnny there because he causes bother”, you say: “Well, I’ve invited him now, so it’d be unkind to say he can’t come. I’ll make sure he doesn’t bother anyone”. Then, if necessary, ask the parent if they mind staying, or ask an extra family member/friend, to help supervise.

Even if it’s a limited number party, and you can’t pay for an extra place, then you profusely apologise and offer another birthday treat (e.g. cinema, bowling) to compensate.

I wouldn’t block them. But I wouldn’t be impressed.

God, no! Don’t do this, op.

yes because of course you’re more right than me..

The other parent needs to take responsibility and honour the invitation and your kid should know nothing about any of this.

I hope said parent who made the mistake does not become or is not one who will defend their child against unacceptable actions.

Look, you tagged me, you then objected that I responded, which is frankly ridiculous IMO!

You’ve told me your opinion, I’ve said I don’t agree, move on? Stop tagging me, then saying I’ve got “beef” with you.

This is awful!
Easy mistake to make but you go with it! Unless the child doesn’t like your son which clearly isn’t the issue, you’d just let them come! This is so mean and your response was fine! I’d block too.

TBH, I would rather my dc not go to a party they were not invited to. As by that age or any age if a child did not want another dc at their party they could make it obvious and your dc might feel worse. It was a mistake and sure it is crappy, but these things happen. Once someone else's email was in the wrong spot for the class list so I invited another child my dd was not friends with to her bday party by mistake. But it was an obvious mistake since the invite email was addressed to the child it was intended for. The mother responded straight away to let me know wrong email and I apologized saying there was a mistake on the class list and that was that. I would just explain to your dc that there was a mix up and perhaps a little white lie could be given to spare your dc's feelings. I would say you forgot you already made plans for your dc (and arrange a play date for the same day with another child to do something fun).

That's absolutely horrible. Rude, callous behaviour.

I'd have to book a great day out and tell him "I'm sorry, I thought you could go to x's party but forgot I'd booked (great day out) for you".

Then spoil him rotten.

so emotional manipulation?

I wouldn’t try and force her to change her mind but Jesus I’d find it hard not to send her a message and let her know what a bitch I think she is.

No, explaining the consequences of their total lack of care for a child’s feelings (as a result of their own mistake) and offering them the chance to take responsibility and do the decent thing.

Yes it makes it even worse this has to be pointed out so explicitly to them - any good parent would have realised and felt it too bad to upset the child like that.

That is incredibly rude. What is wrong with people?! I wouldn’t block just because it can be seen as an act of aggression. I’d just ignore. But who the hell does that to a child?!