To be put off a man because he was asleep during the day?

[PeptoDismal]

Been on a few dates with a bloke. He sent me a message yesterday at 2pm asking what I was upto, I returned the question and he said “I’ve just woke up lol”. At 2pm?? He’d been up in the day earlier as he’d messaged me at 10am saying he was off to shop. How lazy - don’t get me wrong I’m not bursting with energy either but I at least stay awake during the day. It’s really put me off

I was ready to disagree with your first line but the second pulled it back 😆
yes OP how fussy and controlling to dictate when someone sleeps

If you find it off putting then that is your call. I have a friend who pays attention to men's shoes on a date. The logic being that if he has not shined his shoes, he is not putting in much effort and that will be what happens in the relationship going forward.

I'm just about to go for a nap, I'm up every hour in the night with my dd, she's now gone into school for 2 hours and I'm going to lay in bed, stick a film on and hopefully doze off for a bit before I pick her up.

Judge away. Needing sleep isn't some sort of moral failure.

You’re perfectly entitled to turn anyone down for any reason you want.

This is an example of why I don't want to date now. My every move scrutinised, every behaviour criticised...no thank you

Also put me off.
I have a nap if I seriously need one or I'm sick. My husband naps at any opportunity and it fucks me right off.
Also, the part time work would be a red flag for me. Why doesn't he work full time? Unless he is the main carer for his young kids etc.

It'd depend on wider context for me. Kids? busy work? Night work? ill? Bad night's sleep? Late night? One off? Age? How often does this happen? Depending on those factors I'd cut him some slack or not. It wouldn't really work for my lifestyle to have someone who wanted a couple of hours in bed in the middle of the day regularly with no other factors.

TBH the ‘I’ve just woke..’ would put me off, but then I’m a fully paid up GOP (grumpy old pedant).

But there’s nothing wrong with a nap. IMO disapproval stems from the old idea that it was a lazy foreign habit and very un-British.

He sounds like a man after my own heart.

Anyway, op, how is it your business? Presumably he doesn't fall asleep when he goes out with you and he's not your husband.

Having a nap or resting usnt a moral failure.

Youve known him for what? A month? You have no idea if there aren’t ’good reasons’ (in your eyes) fir him to knackered just now.

If you ever get ill (as in longer term, not a cold), you’re going to get a shock

I never sleep during the day but my Husband does, he always has an afternoon nap after lunch. My DH is a good man, great husband and terrific father and Grandfather. You could well be knocking back a great man because he naps. You really are being ridiculous.

@PeptoDismal why does he work part time and what is he knackered ?
health condition ? Or is he unhealthy and gets tired easy?
Does he eat rubbish and stay up untill early hours ? You need to know more, maybe your gutt is telling you something though.

I always take a nap after lunch because I don't sleep very well at night. Restores my batteries for the rest of the day. My DH who wakes up at 8:40 doesn't get that I need a nap although I'm always up at 5 am🙄

But that's always been the case. Dating someone, at whatever time period, has always been about auditioning them to see if they fit with your life, tastes, energy levels etc, and vice versa. It's not a 'now' thing. Naps wouldn't be a deal breaker for some people, but those same people wouldn't contemplate dating someone whose hobby was triathlons, or who had children from a previous relationship, or who hadn't finished school. And those people are also scrutinising the people they are dating.

I think I should have been born in medieval times. I’m often up for a couple of hours in the night and I love a nap to catch up if I’ve got time. I would be pissed off if he prioritized a nap over other things or demanded silence or something-but a non disruptive nap? No problem. When my DS was little he used to say “Patrick have little
sleep” and take himself off to bed.

Don't people get driven mad by inane texts? 10 am, going to shop. 2 pm, just woken up.

I am incapable of napping. I've tried and even with acute sleep deprivation I can only sleep at night time. I tend to regard napping as 'time wasting' (which really annoys my adult kids, who all got adequate amounts of the 'napping' gene), but I can't help it, and I can't be with a napper.

I do like to go to bed quite early though and can easily sleep for nine hours straight. Different strokes for different folks.

It would put me off because I once dated a man who would find any excuse or opportunity to have a nap and he would be in bed by 7-8pm a lot of the time.

I felt we missed out on so much because he would rather sleep.

I would love to be able to nap during the day. I am jealous of those who can. I makes me feel worse but I know people who can nap for 30mins and feel great.
I think its strange to be put off by it but then we are all different.

I'm glad I'm not the only one that would be put off by the 'lol'. He's clearly an idiot.

I’m on the fence about the napping - depends what he’s like the rest of the time. But the poor grammar would definitely put me off him.

Well unless he's the type who spends all day slumped on the sofa gaming ang smoking weed and sleeping then I don't see the issue? I take it he works for a living? In which case if he's on a day off, or he picks his own hours, I don't see why he shouldn't take a nap if he needs it.

Ha, yes, me too!

Using the word 'lol' was enough to put me off.

First post nails it as usual 😂