To be put off a man because he was asleep during the day?

[PeptoDismal]

Been on a few dates with a bloke. He sent me a message yesterday at 2pm asking what I was upto, I returned the question and he said “I’ve just woke up lol”. At 2pm?? He’d been up in the day earlier as he’d messaged me at 10am saying he was off to shop. How lazy - don’t get me wrong I’m not bursting with energy either but I at least stay awake during the day. It’s really put me off

Spanish men won't be for you then. Most have a siesta in the day over there. I love a daytime nap when I can. It's harder with a toddler who doesn't nap these days though. DH is napping right now, but he was up at 4am

Also a lover of a nap. I don't sleep that well, work looong shifts and on a day off love nothing more than a little Power Nap. Good job DH loves me what a red flag I am!

This.

Well within your rights to not be interested in someone for whatever reason.

For me, this would probably be one of them in the very first stages of dating.

(If I didn't know anything else about the person! Turns out I am now happily married to someone who loves naps.)

I think you’re being quite judgmental. There’s a whole lot of reasons why he could have been sleeping at that time. He might have been feeling ill, or been up late due to a close friend/family member being very ill or in hospital, or the poor guy could have insomnia.

Absolutely nothing wrong with a nap !

Hmm. What’s the reason for the nap? I wouldn’t want to be with a man who regularly needs to take a nap unless we were both elderly or there was good reason tbh

It wouldn't put me off too. I don't even understand napping when you're ill. My family never did it so I grew up not realising napping was a thing so never do it now.

Wow I am surprised at these comments. If he has an illness with fatigue, totally understandable. Otherwise I would be totally put off with someone going to bed during the day.

I meant to say it WOULD put me off

Sure better to just ask him why he’s knackered instead of making assumptions? Maybe he’s lazy or had a bad night/early start, does shifts, isn’t well, depressed - how could you know the reason if you don’t ask?

Ex used to do it, but in his case it was in the context that 'I was knackered' or 'it's more productive to take power naps like the Italians and Spanish, you know' actually meant 'I was drinking from 9.10am and passed out sometime around midday'.

I'd pass on that basis, as I am neither a toddler or an 80 year old, nor are we in a Mediterranean country and need to avoid the heat of the day pretty much every day - but others' mileage may vary.

Well it's your feelings that matter here. A one off daytime nap wouldn't bother me personally. If it's a frequent thing and he's not ill or anything then it might give me the ick a bit. However, I had a father who frequently napped in the day and expected everyone else to fall silent until he woke up, with full on rages if he was woken, and he was a very light sleeper. So no laughter, doors closing, normal sounds of play, kettle boiling and so on. So I am a bit biased.

Someone who naps during the day probably wouldn't gel with me energy-wise so it would definitely put me off. Each to their own but a daytime napper wouldn't appeal to me.

I love a daytime nap and sleeping isn’t some kind of moral failing, doesn’t mean someone is lazy if they need to sleep, though if you both have way different energy levels that’s different as that can cause issues down the road.

I love a daytime nap. I’m on maternity with my 5 month old who can a have the odd bad night waking a lot, so occasionally I‘ll have a little hour or so nap with her before I collect my 3 year old from preschool. If you’d have said he didn’t wake up until 2pm I’d be a bit more apprehensive (unless he worked night shifts of course) but I personally don’t mind a lil daytime sleep, whereas my partner hates them

I rarely nap in the day but if I’ve had a bad nights sleep or been up early, an afternoon nap for half an hour keeps me going the rest of the day. Where’s the harm in it?

Part time employees are allowed to be shattered too

Just to clarify - OP wants to ditch someone she’s seeing because he had A NAP!

I nap most days that I’m not at work.

YABU

Yes? I'd probably, if not ditch, then seriously reconsider someone who regularly napped, assuming good health, not a shift worker or having had an interrupted night's sleep as a one off.

I have a nap most days. I work part time hours for myself.

Im someone who needs a lot of sleep to be able to function and an hours nap can be the difference between having to go to bed at 8pm and not spending time with my husband or staying up until 10pm. It doesn't hurt anyone when I have an hours sleep in the daytime.

But why …

It suggests a level of low energy that just wouldn't work for me. There's nothing objectively wrong with it, obviously, but dating someone is purely a matter of whether that person's tastes, personalities and habits suit you or not (and vice versa. I mean, I doubt a habitual napper would particularly want to date me. Neither would my friend who does ultramarathons, whose idea of a perfect weekend involves extreme running, or race events where you basically see who can keep going around a circuit the longest.)

There's a thread on here at the moment called something like 'I got the ick at lake Garda' where an OP has gone on her first holiday with her boyfriend of a year, only to discover they're completely incompatible. She wants to explore the area and go out for walks and do things. He appears baffled by this, and hostile, and wants to stay in bed. They have completely different approaches to leisure, and, probably more importantly, about exploring/being curious about the world around them. No one is wrong, but the OP has just realised this relationship isn't a goer. Part of that is on the grounds of different energy levels.

God, I love a good nap. Tomorrow I'll be going back to bed after the school run. I'm up at 5am for work and I've been fantasising about tomorrow's nap all week.