For not dating an unemployed man?

[Butterfly789]

Just need some validation that I’m not a complete heartless cow!

I recently met a man via online dating and we have been chatting for a few weeks (haven’t met up yet). At first, he was a bit vague about what his job was, but eventually admitted he’s unemployed due to an accident he had 5 years ago. He says he’s unable to work because of this. I was a bit apprehensive, but carried on talking to him and arranged a date, as he’s actually really lovely and I enjoy speaking to him. This was until today when I had a bit of a ‘what am I doing?’ moment and decided this man isn’t for me. I told him this (in a diplomatic way) and he didn’t take it very well.

For context - I am 28, have a well paid professional job, am a homeowner and have a 3 year old. He is 10 years older than me, lives in council housing and as I previously mentioned, is unemployed.

Am I just being a massive snob? As I said, he’s a really lovely man, I’m just not sure how it would work with us having such different lifestyles!

Can’t believe this thread has somehow turned into a debate about disabilities.

First of all, as I’ve already said numerous times, this man doesn’t claim to be disabled. He said he has a leg injury which “occasionally” causes him pain - HIS WORDS. He has never used the word disabled and says he is just having “a break” from work. So the people saying I’m rejecting this person because he’s “disabled”, kindly stfu, you don’t know what you’re talking about.

Furthermore, if someone in the early stages of dating decided against dating a disabled person, that’s perfectly fine, the same way it’s fine for people to decide against dating me due to me having a child, as so many of you have pointed out.

"You don't LOOK disabled". Fucking dickheads.

OP - ignore the absolute pile on this thread has become.

Honestly you can refuse to date anyone for any reason. No one is owed a relationship.

I would t date a long term unemployed person either but also wouldn’t date a Spurs fan or someone who likes country music - we all have our own dating boundaries and no one should feel guilty for having their own rules.

OP you seem to be switched on. You have a child, of course you will put your child first. You are not a teenager, you are looking for a relationship and a relationship should be with someone who is your equal. Even if he was disabled, you would still be entitled to say no thank you, whoever is slating a woman for chosing with her head is delusional. You have a child which will be a no-no for many indating world. And that's fine. You are at the stage of chosing, you should chose someone who can looknafter themselves, you already have a dependant don't need another one. I am sure there will be someone who will be happy to be this chap's partner, long term goals and values are a very important part in a relatonship, yours and this chap do not allign. Best of luck!

He’s practically a stranger to you, you don’t owe him anything. What happened to him is very sad, but you have to prioritise your daughter and the fact that you’re still a young woman.

A partnership needs to be equal, at least until you’ve vowed “in sickness and in health”, but you don’t need to pursue things beyond one date with a man in this situation. What future could there be?

I would t date a long term unemployed person either but also wouldn’t date a Spurs fan or someone who likes country music - we all have our own dating boundaries and no one should feel guilty for having their own rules.

I wouldn’t date someone unemployed, or someone with a disability (sorry) or someone who doesn’t drive, or is shorter than me. Spurs fan are welcome 😃 particularly if they can get me tickets

Hope you're okay OP. Mumsnet can be a horrible place sometimes. I think some of these people must be very bored with their own lives to want to twist and manipulate your words. Good luck with your dating journey, I am on a similar one and it's not easy sometimes! But please know you have done NOTHING wrong if you decide this man isn't for you. You are looking after yourself and your child which shows strength, courage and integrity.

So in your eyes genuine disabled people have to be housebound and celibate.

How would this work for Paralympians?

You're stretching it here, Jenifer. Paralympians work their arses and make money! Nobody asks for the impossible, but I agree if someone is able to socialise, date and meet friends should be striving to find a job, there are plenty of opportunities for disabled people like work from home jobs. Even if not working now, at least to have an aim, to try to improve, do a course, something, anything! But is easier to stay home and claim benefits.

Thank you for your lovely comment 😊

I’m okay, as far as I’m concerned, a lot of the posters here are just keyboard warriors with nothing better to do. 😂

You can be able to date and socialise, but not able to work from home. I have a friend who had to leave her WFH job to to her illness progressing. It will kill her eventually. She will never work again, yet she still goes out and meets friends.

I am sorry for your friend. I am talking about generally, majority, your friend is most likely the exception. Anyway, this thread OP says nothing about any disablity, but an accident that left him with some pain. A world away. We are derailing I think

Well, actually OP said:

"At first, he was a bit vague about what his job was, but eventually admitted he’s unemployed due to an accident he had 5 years ago. He says he’s unable to work because of this."

🥱

Well his leg injury is disabling for him. So yes you can say he is disabled..disabled doesn't auto only mean in a wheelchair.

Lol at you now attacking posters telling them to stfu and calling them keyboard warriors 🤣

How is he disabled when he can do all the things an able bodied person can do? Again, this is something HE has actually told me. I don’t understand why people are insisting this man is disabled when he doesn’t even class himself as disabled.

And yes I will call people keyboard warriors and tell them to stfu when they’re talking utter shite and trying to insult me!

Genuinely can’t believe this thread is still going 😂

They are saying he is disabled because YOU said

"At first, he was a bit vague about what his job was, but eventually admitted he’s unemployed due to an accident he had 5 years ago. He says he’s unable to work because of this."

I don't think it's the people who are pointing this out who are talking "utter shite". I think you might find the culprit somewhat closer to home.

Good for you in standing up to the online bullies. The irony is lost on them.

She has already said snobbery has nothing to do with it.

It's not that she won't admit it, it's that you won't accept her answers

I wonder if he got a payout five years ago and he's been living on it for a while since.

While the irony of her complaining about people talking "utter shite" is lost on you 😂

Well unless it was a substantial sum, that may be on its way to running out. What better than to find his cock a lodging opportunity. Maybe.

Having an accident doesn’t automatically make someone disabled! He worked for years after his accident and then chose to stop working 5 years ago.

The definition of disabled is “a physical or mental impairment that has a substantial and long-term negative effect on their ability to carry out normal day-to-day activities.”

This man doesn’t fall into this category because he (as he has said HIMSELF) has no issues carrying out day to day activities.

Thanks bye

You're lost on you 😆 🤣

Inclined to very much agree, hence the "maybe going back to work soon" thing.