For not dating an unemployed man?

[Butterfly789]

Just need some validation that I’m not a complete heartless cow!

I recently met a man via online dating and we have been chatting for a few weeks (haven’t met up yet). At first, he was a bit vague about what his job was, but eventually admitted he’s unemployed due to an accident he had 5 years ago. He says he’s unable to work because of this. I was a bit apprehensive, but carried on talking to him and arranged a date, as he’s actually really lovely and I enjoy speaking to him. This was until today when I had a bit of a ‘what am I doing?’ moment and decided this man isn’t for me. I told him this (in a diplomatic way) and he didn’t take it very well.

For context - I am 28, have a well paid professional job, am a homeowner and have a 3 year old. He is 10 years older than me, lives in council housing and as I previously mentioned, is unemployed.

Am I just being a massive snob? As I said, he’s a really lovely man, I’m just not sure how it would work with us having such different lifestyles!

100% this. ^

Also, it would be completely different if I was already in a relationship with him and then he had an accident, of course I wouldn’t break up with someone for that!

Even if it was because he was disabled and/or because he lives in council housing, that would be perfectly valid. You’re not required to date people to be nice or fair or because they deserve a break.

It's never heartless to not date someone. Dating isn't about kindness, it's about choosing the partner who best fits what you want from life, and building something with them.

I can't believe this is even a question, if he's not right for you then that's it. The end.

Other people's opinions are 100% irrelevant and don't let him guilt trip you either.

You don't owe your time and attention to anyone except your child!

OP relationships are about so much more than love. It's clear that you are aware of that. You've done the right thing for yourself and that's fine.

I know if things went further with him I would be the sole earner. I’m not sure this is a great idea

No sh#t Sherlock!

Next time, don't chat online for a few weeks - meet ! asap.

This isn’t a snobby comment, it’s a fact. He does live in council housing!

Plenty of disabled people have full time jobs. If he’s that bad at 38 after an injury 5 years ago then things aren’t likely to improve.

What is wrong with him? Plenty of disabled people have jobs. If he’s had a traumatic brain injury then yes I can understand he may be unemployed. But we need context.

Eh?
Why would that make a difference?

So if it isn't snobby and you don't mind, why did you mention it?
🤣

Or he could be like my BIL and received a massive payout due to his accident at work and need nobody to keep him ever...

You're entitled to end a relationship for whatever reason you want. Even if that is jumping to judgement on someone's situation. It's your choice.

Because then it would already be an established relationship based on love, not someone I’ve just been talking to for 2 weeks. I wouldn’t walk away from someone I love after having an accident!

Because that would be someone she loved and to whom she was committed. Not some random dude off the internet she doesn’t know from Adam. That’s why it would be different. I’d have thought that was fairly obvious.

It's context. In the same way as their ages, if he has kids, if she has kids.

Op didn’t use the term disabled. So we don’t know this. Plenty of people have jobs who are disabled.

It is obvious

I wouldnt date anyone unemployed.

I mentioned it to show our different lifestyles.

I think one of the hardest things would be having less in common and less to talk to about someone who doesn't work. I would also feel anxious being a sole earner in a relationship because what if something happened to my job, where's the money going to come from. Especially when supporting a child too.

Lack of income from him severely restricts things you can do together.
As does having a child.
It’s too much mismatch.
But, is he retraining. , getting qualifications, has aspirations beyond his current health issues?
Disabled does not mean unable.

Oooh, do go on; you’re sending shivers down my spine. I’m happily married but might reconsider if Jason Momoa or a good semicolon show up.

As pointed out, you can decide someone’s not for you for as serious or tiny a reason as you feel. As a single parent you have a lot of things to consider, you could well end up financially supporting this (however lovely) man which could cause financial strain in the future. I think that’s more realistic of you than cow-ish.