Not picked as bridesmaids out of a 3 way friendship

[ThisDearPearlBee]

Hello,

AIBU? I am really close with two friends, we’ve been close for some time now and we do everything together, we go shopping together, out for meals and we have a group chat and message continuously. I’ve always felt that we were equally as close as a three, and been told multiple times by the friend in question Friend A, that we are all best friends together and she could tell us anything and everything. I’ve found out, through my other friend, Friend B, that Friend A has chosen her to be a bridesmaid, it’s then put over Instagram. I’ve had nothing since but radio silence from Friend A, no message explaining or anything. We do everything as a 3 and I am SO hurt that she didn’t feel like she could at least message me before or after to even lie and say that she would’ve loved to have us both as bridesmaids but couldn’t. I feel super hurt and like I’ve totally misjudged the entire friendship. Friend B feels awkward and now I feel like it’s just changed everything for me. I am so hurt, not about being a bridesmaid, but not even having a message to soften the blow… AIBU?

Some strange replies -

One suggesting that you’re fat and wouldn’t look good in a bridesmaid dress and another suggesting you must be so gorgeous that she can’t have you upstaging her on the big day! 😂

None of us can possibly say why she hasn’t chosen you and why she has not even spoken to you about it so obviously something is afoot that you were unaware of!

Could be that her husband to be doesn’t like you? Or her mother doesn’t like you? Or Friend B has shit stirred for some reason? Who knows?

You either decide to ask her outright or let them get on with it.

Pwrsonally, I would be relieved at not having to be a Bridesmaid and all the rigmarole that goes with it but it is odd that you were not asked so I understand that you feel slighted.

That's really hurtful. I wonder why she decided to leave you out? I mean what's one more bridesmaid?! I had 4 bridesmaids, so thst I didn't leave anyone out. I bought cheaper dresses to afford it all, because I wanted them all there. Surely she must know that it's changed the dynamics of the friendship now! I think she doesn't see you as a close friend like the other one. I'd take a big step back and stop messaging so much. I'd keep in contact with the other friend because she's done nothing wrong. I don't think talking about it with her, would change anything. She doesn't see you as her best friend, that would be a nail in the friendship coffin for me.

>one suggesting that you’re fat and wouldn’t look good in a bridesmaid dress

Don’t put words into my mouth that I didn’t say and take my reply out of context, that is really nasty. I said as a plus size person myself (I did not say the word fat) mainstream dress companies often do not do plus sizes and bride may have her heart set on a dress from there, which still doesn’t excuse her awful behaviour

NOWHERE did I say she wouldn’t look good in a bridesmaid dress, even if she was plus size which OP has confirmed is not the case.

Because it's embarrassing, awkward and makes you look needy if you ask 😅

I hear these sort of arguments all the time... no one is entitled to have a part in anyone's wedding.

just respect the persons decision and move on with life... they don't owe you an explanation.

Many people don't seem to realise that your wedding, if you choose to have a 'big traditional wedding' is effectively the place you lay out in a hierarchy who is valued most in your life. Of course this hurts those who felt they were closer to you than you think they are. Anway OP, your friend is not your close friend, she's shown that in her actions and choices. You can now proceed accordingly.

I really appreciate all the responses, apart from the arguments!

Arguing with another person who has a different point of view 😆 maybe you’re the problem 🤔

One more bridesmaid adds up in cost. Dress, outfit, make up and hair, bridesmaid gift. Could easily be another £300-£400.

They misquoted what I’d said completely. I’m guessing it’s probably you on an alt. I have reported you as I’ve just seen your stupid DM.

I haven’t DM you. I replied to a post. Which is exactly the same thing you did to me? Did you not stalk me first? Go back on a comment I made and post a comment? Actions have consequences sweetheart. We simply disagreed, which people can do. But you took it personally and started going through my old threads. So I’m just calling out your behaviour and doing the same.

But why even ask about your weight? Who cares if you’re fat or skinny?

Honestly, what makes brides think it doesn’t matter what I do, how badly I act, who I upset.

I will just say “it’s my day”, fine get on with it.

But your day or not, people will honestly think less of you.

Which us quite right in this case.

Fall out with everyone using your “it’s my day “ mantra.

Nobody cares if anyone is plus size or not. I was just trying to think of reasons bride has cut her friend out as other people were as it appears to make no sense with her updates about her friend crying over their closeness. Albeit bride seems thoughtless in the extreme already, so being fussy about everyone being in the same dresses isn’t much of a reach.

it was not meant to offend, if it offended OP I apologise.

But I don’t like the nasty way a PP took the words and what I said completely out of context, making things up as they went along. “Wouldn’t look good in a bridesmaid dress” indeed! 🙄 I think the fact the person who reworded it has not replied is telling.

But cudnt the bride have anyone in the same dress? Can’t you just get it taking out or go to a shop that does different sizes?

I think if you mention weight, it could offend people. Can you see how that might upset someone? I’m overweight and if someone mentioned what you said, I wud be thinking is this what really people think, I’m too fat be a bridesmaid?

With respect, you are reading too much into this. I am overweight too. Nowhere did I hint or say plus size people are too heavy to be bridesmaids.

i don’t know if you’ve been married/bridesmaid/MOH but sadly most in person mainstream bridesmaid shops are not very size inclusive both in plus sizes and long/short lengths. People that are plus size, v tall, v short often have to go elsewhere.

most people get around this by letting bridesmaids all wear similar or same colour/dyed dresses from different places. But if (IF) it’s the case* this bride (who has proven to be thoughtless already) has decided everyone wears the same dress from the same shop, this could be a reason.

*its obviously not now as OP has replied if you skipped back and this is not her situation.

A nasty thing to do.

She should have told you.

She is obviously closer to friend B.

I wonder if they talk about you behind your back op

Am I? Ppl are talking about plus-size in the comments. why is the bride thoughtless? Size inclusivity?

p

BM’s all having the same dress from a particular company is one of many possible reasons, in this case it’s v unlikely as OP is not plus size.. Essentially nobody except the bride knows, and it’s up to Op to ask her

I’m going to pop off the thread now as I do not want it to be hijacked but good luck OP, I hope you get things sorted

But she said there was only one bridesmaid? Or is there more?

Jesus H Christ. You okay there? @Dancingintherainxxx what makes you think they are talking about her behind her back

& this Ladies & Gentlemen is why I'm planning the wedding I am.jesus so many opportunities to hurt feelings, among your "friends" It's a minefield

Maybe it's as simple as she's only having one bridesmaid, you say you cried when she said you were one of her best friends, maybe she's worried you'll be a blubbering mess. You should just talk to her, or maybe ask your friend to. Just say, you're not bothered about not being a bridesmaid but that she didn't tell you. Although maybe she just feels awkward about the whole thing so putting it on SM was her clumsy way of letting you know

Yep, easier to elope

It might not be 'nonsense' though. They could be actual reasons, regardless of how unpalatable it might be to say/hear.