Not picked as bridesmaids out of a 3 way friendship

[ThisDearPearlBee]

Hello,

AIBU? I am really close with two friends, we’ve been close for some time now and we do everything together, we go shopping together, out for meals and we have a group chat and message continuously. I’ve always felt that we were equally as close as a three, and been told multiple times by the friend in question Friend A, that we are all best friends together and she could tell us anything and everything. I’ve found out, through my other friend, Friend B, that Friend A has chosen her to be a bridesmaid, it’s then put over Instagram. I’ve had nothing since but radio silence from Friend A, no message explaining or anything. We do everything as a 3 and I am SO hurt that she didn’t feel like she could at least message me before or after to even lie and say that she would’ve loved to have us both as bridesmaids but couldn’t. I feel super hurt and like I’ve totally misjudged the entire friendship. Friend B feels awkward and now I feel like it’s just changed everything for me. I am so hurt, not about being a bridesmaid, but not even having a message to soften the blow… AIBU?

She must have known you would be upset OP and yet she still left you out. That's horrible!

In your shoes I wouldn't be so available going forward.. Slow fade.. No drama. You now know your worth.

Op is entitled to have feelings on it, the bride is entitled to pick who she would like. I’m not sure why you find that self centred?

Yes, all that strange emotional stuff and crying about the friendship as well. It's odd.

I hope you weren’t around with a shoulder for one or both of them to cry on.

Did you talk to her about it?

@Nanny0ggno it never came up. We are still good friends and actually a lot closer now than we were

To be unkind and not give the OP a reason?

Not unkind at all...

But the OP would know about...

About treating a friend badly without telling her what her plans were>?

She must know her friend would be hurt

You think that's ok do you?

I can see how my description reads like that, but it wasn’t. She accepted full responsibility, was and still is very remorseful. She offered those explanations, not excuses, for the way she’d treated me, and that helped me to understand. It helped me to realise I hadn’t done anything to warrant the treatment, it was her not me, and she really felt awful for hurting me so much. I have forgiven her, she’s been so grateful to be forgiven, and has really stepped up as a friend. Our friendship has survived, but probably wouldn’t have done if I’d continued to wallow and not confront the situation.

Why?

That isn't always the case

That stole my house user is a troll, there is no point engaging with them

I totally ageee that I would feel the same way you did…..

it’s so incredibly hurtful. I’m so sorry

That's really, really rubbish and seems like poor form for not, at the very least, talking to you about it before the news was made public.

I'm sorry your friend let you down so badly.

I think she isn't a nice person

I wouldn't say anything and I would watch the drama that always comes with brides. All.the shopping, the hen events. .. and I would be grateful I am not tied up with it. You know where you stand so do t waste any more time on her.

YANBU
It’s very shabby and I would be very hurt and upset too. She’s completely disregarded your feelings and hasn’t had the guts to talk to you about it. Can your other friend shed light on it?

Well, now you know.

No matter how she tries to justify it, the facts speak for themselves.

Not all friendships last forever; in fact, most do not. Focus your energies on cultivating new friends and people to do things with. Personally I'd not attend the wedding; why rub salt in your own wound? Choices have consequences.

This is good advice. Think of all the time, money and aggro you will save not having to be involved in the pageant.

Whatever you do, don't allow yourself to be pressed into service as a lackey. Don't attend dress shopping, hen do or any of that other claptrap.

The bride can do what she likes. Why does the bride have to tell her plans, they clearly aren’t as close as she thinks. And yes I completely think this is okay to do. Her wedding, her choice.

You’ve been on here all evening for hours telling every single person on OP’s side that they’re wrong and trying to pick fights on other threads. Give it up.

It only took typing your username into Google to see the (often abusive) claptrap you’ve been spouting to other people on this site

No, you just have to type your username into google free of charge to see it.