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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My partner’s son’s girlfriend stays Fri-Sun every weekend - I’d like a weekend on our own

257 replies

ThatKindStork · 20/05/2025 16:09

Sorry, long first post!!
My partner’s son has a new girlfriend. Within 3 dates, he’d brought her home to stay the weekend and she’s been staying every weekend since then (4 weekends on the trot), Fri-Sun. He doesn’t even ask his dad if she can stay, he just brings her home.
This isn’t his first girlfriend, this is his fourth and he’s only just turned 18. The first GF used to stay for weeks on end which used to cause issues.
I’ve asked my partner to have a word with his son to say she can’t stay every weekend as I want us to have some time together, but also because my partner works every other weekend so we only get 2 weekends out of 4 to do anything.
My OH always gets defensive, says it’s his son’s home too (I live with him) and “do I want him to kick him out”, “where is he going to go”. (his girlfriend’s/his mum’s?) which is absolutely not what I’m asking. When I say it’s supposedly my home too, he just gets worse.
The OH basically lets his son rule the house and there are no boundaries. He also does ridiculous things for him like folding his washing up, yet leaves all our stuff for me to sort out.
The fact that we can hear them having sex after he told them to be discreet, shows the son has absolutely no respect for us.
Am I being unreasonable asking for weekends without them staying? I don’t think I am but my OH doesn’t get what the issue is. He even said to me when I told him I could hear them having sec above my head that “it wouldn’t bother me, I’d have just turned my music up”?!
I feel like I’m invisible in the household 😓

OP posts:
Ilovelurchers · 20/05/2025 16:14

I actually think you are a bit, yeah. If I am lucky enough that my daughter decides to live with me once she has turned 18, I'll be happy for her to bring partners back as much as she wants, just as I would consider it to be my right to. Obviously everyone should behave respectfully in the shared spaces, no shagging in the lounge etc.

Out of interest, were your partner and his son living in the house first and you moved in to it? Or have they moved in to somewhere you were living?

If your partner moved you in to his son's hom permanently, not sure he can object to his son just bringing someon into it for weekends. (And sounds like he doesn't).

How does her presence stop you spending time with your partner on the weekends he is free?

ForAquaMember · 20/05/2025 16:14

Have you moved in with your boyfriend and his son in a place he owns himself? Do you pay towards bills / rent etc

I need this info to make my judgement haha

BernardButlersBra · 20/05/2025 16:17

ForAquaMember · 20/05/2025 16:14

Have you moved in with your boyfriend and his son in a place he owns himself? Do you pay towards bills / rent etc

I need this info to make my judgement haha

I would be intrigued to know this as well. It sounds like the son rules the roost and this wouldn’t work for me. I don’t want a house full of randoms every weekend, l want to relax

BigDahliaFan · 20/05/2025 16:18

If you aren't on the same page about this and your partner isn't going to be supportive then you are effectively making him choose. That isn't going to end well. And it's not just the girlfriend is it? There's other stuff you don't like.

No you aren't being heard but .... that might mean that it's not the right environment for you.

We had a similar problem but my DH was on a similar (not the same) wavelength to me. In retrospect I wish I hadn't banged on about it so much and had found a way of talking to everyone involved and also taken myself off for the odd weekend on my own...

ForAquaMember · 20/05/2025 16:19

Also sorry want to know how long you and partner have been together too!

HedgehogOnTheBike · 20/05/2025 16:20

Just move out. It's their house.
Then your DP can visit you at your quieter home.

Sailorstripe · 20/05/2025 16:23

Why can’t you do anything if she’s there? If he’s 18 presumably you don’t do all your activities with him?

outerspacepotato · 20/05/2025 16:24

I wouldn't live with a partner who was ok with his son's girlfriends moving in on the weekends. I don't want short term gfs basically living in my space.

The son is making the household rules and your partner enables that.

Next time you hear them having sex, yell at them to keep it down. I think he's being deliberately loud now that it was asked they time down the noise.

I'd be looking for my own place.

Platespace · 20/05/2025 16:25

I sounds like his dad moved you into his home permanently. Daresay there are time he'd have preferred them to have the house to themselves. I don't think you can have any complaints here tbh, provided they're respectful while they're there. This is what happens when you share a house with adults.

Maxorias · 20/05/2025 16:26

I wouldn't be happy with this but if your partner is, your only option is to move out.
(and I wouldn't sort his laundry if he sorts his son's but never makes an effort with you).

CowTown · 20/05/2025 16:26

Move out. Leave them to it—OH happily folding his grown son’s laundry whilst the son loudly shags his latest GF.

OH spelled it out loud and clear—the wants of his son/GF are a priority over yours, and you’re not considered an equal partner in the home.

TonTonMacoute · 20/05/2025 16:35

Your OH has made it clear that, rightly or wrongly, keeping his DS happy is more important than keeping you happy. So now you know, over to you OP.

FWIW I would absolutely hate this too, so YANBU in that respect.

whistlesandbells · 20/05/2025 16:40

Did you move in with your DP or did you set up this home together? Also, from what age (if this is the fourth girlfriend) did his son start bringing home girlfriend 1?

I don’t think it is reasonable to put up with every weekend like this to be honest.

Catsandcannedbeans · 20/05/2025 16:45

4 girlfriends by 18? Alright Casanova.

To be honest I don’t think it would bother me so much that he had girls over, I’d be more bothered his dad is still folding his clothes. If you can’t sort your own washing out you shouldn’t be shagging. If it really bothers you then I would say move out. With regards to being able to hear them having sex, a sure fire way to nip that in the bud is to say something in front of both of them. My brother and now SIL lived with us when they were teenagers and you could hear a lot. One day at dinner my mum said something (quiet jokingly) I can’t remember exactly what but I do vividly remember the horrified look on my now SILs face.

Starlight1984 · 20/05/2025 16:45

Yeah I'm sorry but if it's your partner's house that he lived in with his son before you came along then I don't really think you can say anything.

Original poster
ThatKindStork · 20/05/2025 16:49

Yes I’ve been here a couple of years now and yes he does rule the roost.

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 20/05/2025 16:49

At the very least you need to find a b&b / hotel / airb&b every single weekend for yourself.
Then find your own place.

Lmnop22 · 20/05/2025 16:49

The thing is you’re ignoring what your partner’s son wants (his girlfriend to stay) and what your partner wants (his son and his girlfriend to be in the home whenever they like) and then complaining about not being heard 🫠

Not being heard is not other people disagreeing with your point of view.

You get to spend time with your partner at home in the house you live in, why shouldn’t your partner’s son get to do the same?

mrsmiggins78 · 20/05/2025 16:51

I'm with the dad on this - it's his and his son's home. You 2 are girlfriends. Why do you trump the other girlfriend?

alcoholnightmare · 20/05/2025 16:52

As a PP said, move out, and have your boyfriend visit you there. Your living arrangements aren’t working for any of you anymore.

Original poster
ThatKindStork · 20/05/2025 16:53

Yeah. I have tried talking to them both, neither are great at communication. We’ve been target 4.5 years

OP posts:
Platespace · 20/05/2025 16:55

ThatKindStork · 20/05/2025 16:53

Yeah. I have tried talking to them both, neither are great at communication. We’ve been target 4.5 years

Are they not communicating or are they not saying what you want to hear/you're not listening?

S0j0urn4r · 20/05/2025 16:55

You're a lodger in this set up. Move out.

Jjenjjen83 · 20/05/2025 16:55

ThatKindStork · 20/05/2025 16:09

Sorry, long first post!!
My partner’s son has a new girlfriend. Within 3 dates, he’d brought her home to stay the weekend and she’s been staying every weekend since then (4 weekends on the trot), Fri-Sun. He doesn’t even ask his dad if she can stay, he just brings her home.
This isn’t his first girlfriend, this is his fourth and he’s only just turned 18. The first GF used to stay for weeks on end which used to cause issues.
I’ve asked my partner to have a word with his son to say she can’t stay every weekend as I want us to have some time together, but also because my partner works every other weekend so we only get 2 weekends out of 4 to do anything.
My OH always gets defensive, says it’s his son’s home too (I live with him) and “do I want him to kick him out”, “where is he going to go”. (his girlfriend’s/his mum’s?) which is absolutely not what I’m asking. When I say it’s supposedly my home too, he just gets worse.
The OH basically lets his son rule the house and there are no boundaries. He also does ridiculous things for him like folding his washing up, yet leaves all our stuff for me to sort out.
The fact that we can hear them having sex after he told them to be discreet, shows the son has absolutely no respect for us.
Am I being unreasonable asking for weekends without them staying? I don’t think I am but my OH doesn’t get what the issue is. He even said to me when I told him I could hear them having sec above my head that “it wouldn’t bother me, I’d have just turned my music up”?!
I feel like I’m invisible in the household 😓

Just tell the girlfriend outright that you don't want her there every weekend. Why get family members to play messenger?

Veganpug · 20/05/2025 16:56

I think your being unreasonable
It's their home ,you moved into
It's up to his dad