My partner’s son’s girlfriend stays Fri-Sun every weekend - I’d like a weekend on our own

[ThatKindStork]

Sorry, long first post!!
My partner’s son has a new girlfriend. Within 3 dates, he’d brought her home to stay the weekend and she’s been staying every weekend since then (4 weekends on the trot), Fri-Sun. He doesn’t even ask his dad if she can stay, he just brings her home.
This isn’t his first girlfriend, this is his fourth and he’s only just turned 18. The first GF used to stay for weeks on end which used to cause issues.
I’ve asked my partner to have a word with his son to say she can’t stay every weekend as I want us to have some time together, but also because my partner works every other weekend so we only get 2 weekends out of 4 to do anything.
My OH always gets defensive, says it’s his son’s home too (I live with him) and “do I want him to kick him out”, “where is he going to go”. (his girlfriend’s/his mum’s?) which is absolutely not what I’m asking. When I say it’s supposedly my home too, he just gets worse.
The OH basically lets his son rule the house and there are no boundaries. He also does ridiculous things for him like folding his washing up, yet leaves all our stuff for me to sort out.
The fact that we can hear them having sex after he told them to be discreet, shows the son has absolutely no respect for us.
Am I being unreasonable asking for weekends without them staying? I don’t think I am but my OH doesn’t get what the issue is. He even said to me when I told him I could hear them having sec above my head that “it wouldn’t bother me, I’d have just turned my music up”?!
I feel like I’m invisible in the household 😓

This is an argument in favour of getting your own place where you get to decide.

If this is on top of trying to save the relationship then it’s time to have a serious think. You’re never going to be seen as anything other than a live in girlfriend. Do you want to look back in ten years full of regret? Find happiness somewhere else.

That’s how I see it too.

It’s his and his son’s home. Both of them can have their girlfriends stay over, so why should you have priority over the other girlfriend?

Time to move back to your place OP.

I wouldn't be entangled in this shitshow.

Clearly you are the lowest priority person in that household, even under the teenager's latest shag.

Move out and move on.

He's being totally unreasonable - no one need there girlfriend every damned weekend.
They can share out being at one another's houses and they can also spend the nights apart. That much intense togetherness in understandable in the hormone fuelled relationships of 18 year olds, but not necessarily wise.

However, you're completely hobbled by your useless partner not expecting moderation from his son. Yes, it's his son's home but that doesn't mean moving his teenage girlfriend in every single weekend. My adult children managed to survive the odd night apart without pitching a hissy fit.

I'd move out if I were you. You deserve more respect and some space.

Thank you. I’m at that point of moving out tbh. But I just wanted some opinions before I did because sometimes people do things hastily don’t they.

Move out and date your DP if you so wish.

It doesn’t sound like your relationship is great in general anyway 🤷‍♀️ He doesn’t respect your opinion or contribution to the household.

In an era where many kids end up living with their parents until well into their 20s, you could have years of this behaviour to go. His Dad refuses to deal with it, so move out and leave him to it.

I hope you’re not cooking for any of these twats?

If you are, stop cooking for them all
Stop doing DP’s washing
Don’t tidy after them

No, your troubles are caused by your boyfriend being disrespectful of YOU. The son is just a symptom.

Out of curiosity, who does most of the cleaning?

Can you move in with your dad until you can reclaim your house?

I always say if you don't have DC together there's no point in living together if either of you has DC at home. Live apart and date him once or twice a week, you never have to see the son and GF if you don't want to. I would patiently wait for your tenants to move out.

Even though you pay in as much as your DH does, as you moved into his home, he doesn't think that you have any rights and he will always take his son's side.

It doesn't sound enjoyable in any way and you often feel uncomfortable in your home so I would make plans to leave. You will need to give your tenants notice.

You have nailed it here, the problem is a difference in expectations. I think some men are just less understanding about what other people want. It's his son, he doesn't mind the GF, and he doesn't want a row and to fall out with his son because you want a weekend on your own.

It sounds as if there might be other stuff going on too, as you say you've been trying to rescue the relationship for a while, but your DP doesn't think it's worth trying to keep the odd weekend free to spend time together.

Ypu cannot rescue the relationship on your own and it doesn't seem like DP feels it's worth him making an effort.

It won’t change, I’d go home and have your partner come and stay with you. You will have control in your own place.

Leave and go back to your own house. Neither of those men appreciate you. Before long he'll move the girlfriend in anyway.

You can still have a future together if you move back to your property and just enjoy dating. No domestic drudgery needed.

With no marriage contract and your name not on the boyfriends deeds you can't really dictate who the man allows in his house.

(To reply to a specific post you can quote it or @ the username)

I’m of the opinion that my own dd can have all the overnight guests she wants once she moves out to university. The move isn’t that far away. She doesn’t need to have anyone stay in my home right now or during these early years when she is back and forth between my home and student housing. We can revisit if she develops a long term relationship that may last indefinitely.

that said, if you are as much of an interloper as any of the son’s girlfriend’s then it isn’t really your decision. It depends on if this is really your home or just your boyfriend’s

I’d move out. You’re not a priority.

It doesn’t sound like you living there has worked out: would move out.

You dislike aspects of your DP’s DS’s behaviour and your DP’s parenting: if your DP wanted to change his parenting and/or how he treats you he would have done so by now.

He’s not going to choose you over his son so if you can’t stand it then you’ll have to leave 🤷🏻‍♀️

We have started to but then we’re having to go out to have our relationship when his son has freedom of the house to do what he likes.

There’s other stuff. I once asked the son to not do something (I’d asked him before) and it ended up him swearing at me and OH did nothing. I did tell him at that point if he didn’t respect me then we’d have no future.

Go home OP you do not need this at all.

Have you said anything to the GF ? "Look Doris, I think you should stay at your Mum's &/or Dad's or SSon's Mum's in rotation.
Because I don't want to hear you having sex every single w/e. I really need some rest & space after my week at work."

No. We don’t see her. But even been introduced.