My partner’s son’s girlfriend stays Fri-Sun every weekend - I’d like a weekend on our own

[ThatKindStork]

Sorry, long first post!!
My partner’s son has a new girlfriend. Within 3 dates, he’d brought her home to stay the weekend and she’s been staying every weekend since then (4 weekends on the trot), Fri-Sun. He doesn’t even ask his dad if she can stay, he just brings her home.
This isn’t his first girlfriend, this is his fourth and he’s only just turned 18. The first GF used to stay for weeks on end which used to cause issues.
I’ve asked my partner to have a word with his son to say she can’t stay every weekend as I want us to have some time together, but also because my partner works every other weekend so we only get 2 weekends out of 4 to do anything.
My OH always gets defensive, says it’s his son’s home too (I live with him) and “do I want him to kick him out”, “where is he going to go”. (his girlfriend’s/his mum’s?) which is absolutely not what I’m asking. When I say it’s supposedly my home too, he just gets worse.
The OH basically lets his son rule the house and there are no boundaries. He also does ridiculous things for him like folding his washing up, yet leaves all our stuff for me to sort out.
The fact that we can hear them having sex after he told them to be discreet, shows the son has absolutely no respect for us.
Am I being unreasonable asking for weekends without them staying? I don’t think I am but my OH doesn’t get what the issue is. He even said to me when I told him I could hear them having sec above my head that “it wouldn’t bother me, I’d have just turned my music up”?!
I feel like I’m invisible in the household 😓

My son brought a girl home in October and she doesn’t appear to have left yet. There are now six of us to cook for. I’m 60 and still working. But I’m grateful they’re all still with me.

Sorry Op - I didn’t read the thread. Ignore me x

The difference being we’d been dating for 2.5 years before he asked me to move in.
He could have moved into mine but can’t for work. If he did, my son wouldn’t have been having his GF stay every weekend.

You moved in with them. It’s his Dad’s decision. I can understand why you aren’t happy but you need to move back into your own place.

OP it's not clear who you're replying to, quoting the message or @ the username will help people reading your replies.

They are gross OP.

I wouldn't even bother to tell them you are moving out, arrange for your stuff to go into storage and move in with your Dad whilst they are at work/away for the weekend if whatever. Or bide your time, give notice on your tenants and wait until that was available then move back there, again I wouldn't tell your Partner and his Son.

I would just leave a note on the day I left (and I would leave whilst they were at work) telling them how selfish and entitled they are.

I would move out.

I don’t really see a huge issue. I remember having my bf stay over when I was a teen…eventually he moved in as he was working local. My parents charged us rent though.

He’s 18 and not like you need spend time with him (he’s not a child), surely him having his GF over means they can get on with their own thing and so can you? you can go out for the day with DP and leave them to do what they want to do?

I'd just tell my partner that this wasn't working for me any more and that I was leaving. It's up to him to navigate his relationship with his son, but you don't have to stay there to witness it. Neither he nor his son have any respect for you.

As for those who say she's on an equal footing with the boy's girlfriend, are you crazy? The OP pays 50% of the bills. Her partner owns the house. It's a completely different setup to the temporary girlfriend of an 18 year old boy.

@Ilovelurchers

why would you feel lucky?

Stop treating yourself like a rub rag because they've seen that and they're following your example.

Move out and leave him and his unmannerly son to it because it is not going to get any better.

He has shown you what he thinks of you-he allows you to be sworn at and expects you to accept all manner of shite.

Pack your bag and go. I wouldn't be seeing him again because I don't allow love goggles to allow anyone to treat me like dirt and ,apart from when I was a gormless teenager, no man ever has. In my experience, if you value yourself at more than 2/6 so will others.

People will wipe the cheap Primark scarf to their arse but they carefully fold the Hermes scarf and look after it. Be Hermes, not Primark!

You have put a low value on yourself and, as they say, monkey sees and monkey does.

If you think this bottle of HP sauce that you have drawn out of the Love Tombola is worth being demeaned for then accept it and carry on but my advice is, show him your heels.

YANBU but your partner will obviously do nothing. Time to move on from this relationship.

There should be compromise, but as he's not your child, does it really make a difference if his GF is here?

You can't have a fully free weekend with a young man in the house, even if it's your step-son. It's not the same with your own child, or if you have been in their life since he was a baby.

That said, if you feel it's not your home, you are not heard, it's not healthy for you to stay there

Being able to invite a girlfriend or boyfriend to spend the night, or to host them for a weekend, is a privilege for self-supporting adults who are contributing to the homes they live in. A co-equal partner in financing and running the household.

Not on for any horny, dependent, non-contributing teen to subject his parents to sex noises when he and his shag du jour feel like it.

Failing to set boundaries for the son and insist that he behave respectfully toward all members of the household is lowlife on the part of your boyfriend. Why would you want to be with a lowlife?

This isn't a good environment for you. You have no say over anything but have to live with the consequences.

I'd let DP know I am planning to live elsewhere. You could still keep the relationship going. He sounds like he's trying his best but right now his priority is providing a stable home for his son and he's getting it all a bit wrong.

Are you saying though that you want the son to leave the house on weekends too? Just with you saying you want some time just you and your dh, sounds like you want the son out of the way at weekends as well. Totally understand about not wanting the gf there, but you can’t really expect the son to vacate too when it’s his home.

"If I am lucky enough that my daughter decides to live with me once she has turned 18"

I find this a strange sentiment. I hope my kids are doing extremely interesting and highly paid jobs in far flung parts of the world, not living with me.

Could your parents hear you having sex?

And how many of your boyfriends lived in their house?

I remember reading a very similar or identical post a while back. Did you post about this before?

Why isn't he staying at the girlfriends house every week because guaranteed her parents are not okay with it that's why! I'm all for them having relationships but seriously he's basically just met the girl and now she's staying over every weekend. Its very disrespectful. It's sad ur partner has also not realised were ur coming from after the length of time you've been together. I'm intrigued do they sit in the living room or stay in there rooms? Does she tidy up after herself? What's it like when shes there do they even go out and do things or do they stay in the house all weekend so u don't get any time at all?

Is the son working? Where would he move to if his dad laid down some rules?

It's about the new GF but it's not about the new GF. It's about you being used as a skivvy and for sex, but having to put up with mad disrespect and your partner not stepping up to set some appropriate house rules or parent. Time to stop cooking or cleaning or doing laundry for anyone but yourself.

I think you're being treated poorly. I would leave if it was me because this relationship has gone bad.

I’d go stay with your dad every weekend now, and work on preparing a room for yourself and finding storage. Just say I don’t feel like sharing the house with a strange girl and listening to them have sex every weekend, it doesn’t feel like my home and I’d rather go elsewhere since I’m not allowed to say anything. Give it a month of prep then move and stop paying anything.

I’d hate this and would have to move out - perhaps that will be a wake up call for OH but if it isn’t he’s not that bothered about your feelings.

So its not your house and not your rules? its the dads and sons house.

I have my own 18 year old son who has a girlfriend and they have so far not spent the night at either house and I am in zero rush for that to happen. If it is raised and asked for, i will consider it but on MY terms and as a very occasional occurence. The idea that some non contributing teen would see it as their right to swan in and out of the house with a series of sexual partners is just bizarre to me. This is our family home with younger siblings not a shag palace for horny teens.