My partner’s son’s girlfriend stays Fri-Sun every weekend - I’d like a weekend on our own

[ThatKindStork]

Sorry, long first post!!
My partner’s son has a new girlfriend. Within 3 dates, he’d brought her home to stay the weekend and she’s been staying every weekend since then (4 weekends on the trot), Fri-Sun. He doesn’t even ask his dad if she can stay, he just brings her home.
This isn’t his first girlfriend, this is his fourth and he’s only just turned 18. The first GF used to stay for weeks on end which used to cause issues.
I’ve asked my partner to have a word with his son to say she can’t stay every weekend as I want us to have some time together, but also because my partner works every other weekend so we only get 2 weekends out of 4 to do anything.
My OH always gets defensive, says it’s his son’s home too (I live with him) and “do I want him to kick him out”, “where is he going to go”. (his girlfriend’s/his mum’s?) which is absolutely not what I’m asking. When I say it’s supposedly my home too, he just gets worse.
The OH basically lets his son rule the house and there are no boundaries. He also does ridiculous things for him like folding his washing up, yet leaves all our stuff for me to sort out.
The fact that we can hear them having sex after he told them to be discreet, shows the son has absolutely no respect for us.
Am I being unreasonable asking for weekends without them staying? I don’t think I am but my OH doesn’t get what the issue is. He even said to me when I told him I could hear them having sec above my head that “it wouldn’t bother me, I’d have just turned my music up”?!
I feel like I’m invisible in the household 😓

It's his son's home. Why shouldn't his girlfriend come round at weekends? If you don't have kids together, why don't you just move out and you'll have your own space. I can never understand why people with children- even 18 year olds- move other people into the family home. It's just unnecessary and always causes issues.

The problem is, they’re not respectful and because OH has let his son do what he wants, he can’t set any boundaries now.

Maybe because the son has known her a month and OP has been living there for 2 years?
Wouldn't be for me OP, I'd be outta there. They have zero respect for you.

I would also say it would be different if you were married to your partner, shared a child together or if you are carrying a great financial burden to current living arrangements. But you seem to be stuck at the moment and seen as the lodger. I would move out.

This!

So why are you standing for it?
Was this a new revelation?

The son is not doing anything different than his dad did
At least he hasn't moved her in permanently..like his dad did

Yes, but you moved in and it's your partner's house, not yours. I can see why you wouldn't like it but if it gets too much and your partner chooses to let it continue you'll have to accept it or move out.

OP, I would genuinely move out. You aren’t being listened to or considered at all.

i don’t know. That’s why I’m asking for advice. I wouldn’t have expected my boyfriend of a few weeks to stay over at my parents house. But then dies that mean I’m old fashioned 🤷‍♀️🤣

Well, just guessing but it is quite likely that the OP shares the costs and household chores in a way that the 18 year old's girlfriend is unlikely to

Also, why are you doing his laundry? Let him do his own! (Dad's I mean)

I know. There’s lots of other stuff too but yes I’m now at that point where I think I’m not valued and should move out.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. No 18 year old need to have a girlfriend staying every weekend and I totally get it’s an intrusion. Having said that it’s poor parenting by your partner.

are you saying adults with kids can’t have adult relationships and a future together, because that’s ultimately why I was asked to move in, if they didn’t have kids together!?

I have adults and older teens myself and it is a balance but I feel that my adult kids have as much right as I do to enjoy our home.
I don’t think ‘my home my rules’ works unless you want kids to rush into leaving home before they are ready and able. Basic respect is key, I expect my adult kids and their guests to have the same courtesy I extend to them and that my guests have for our home. There is not much argument if they see my expectations of them aren’t different than those I have for myself and my husband. Your issue is your husband doesn’t have a lot of respect for you and your comfort. He expects more from you while doing less himself and models that behaviour. Stop pandering to your husband, stop focusing on your step son and look to your own comfort.

If the op is paying rent and bills for the last 2 years I would suggest she has more say than the 18yo son's gf of 4 weeks.

Sounds like you may benefit from doing something out the house with your OH at weekends like walking or travelling or both. Maybe he just thinks 'that's my boy' when he can hear him having sex.

@ThatKindStork the son isn’t the issue. Well he is but isn’t. The issue is your partner. His lack of respect for you. Lack of laundries for son.

You aren’t in an equal nor loving relationship. Start quietly making plans, building resources and leave. Don’t need to announce it until you are ready to go.

You are not respected nor loved here.

Please find the strength and leave so you can have the happiness you deserve especially in your own home.

I guess because I love him and I’ve been trying to save our relationship for about six months. Ultimately all the issues are caused by his son bringing disrespectful to his dad and me yet his dad can’t see it.

Anyone who posts this usually about their own child gets told that they should alternate weekends ie one at the boy's house then one at the girl's house and a limit on the number of nights they stay too. Maybe Friday or Saturday not both.

I am assuming the girl is also eating every meal at the house and not contributing either. There would be reciprocation if he stayed at her parent's house and would even it up.

I think the attitude of your own boyfriend shows that he doesn't give a shit if you are uncomfortable living in his house and I would see this as the point you should exit the relationship. Sort out moving out, this is not great.

Yes I moved in here. Rent my house out. I pay for food/petrol/dog food/broadband/tv and other stuff. We pay roughly the same each month. He just pays the bills as they were set up.

Exactly this. All you want is some alone time with dp but you just don't feature in his priorities.
Go back to your own place where you don't have to put up with this crap.

yeah. That’s what I said to the OH at the weekend. I also should have said he was on nights and they stayed over and kept him awake all Saturday morning and when he actually said to his son can you keep it quiet, he had a strop and went out. So I had to come back from where I was to ensure the dogs weren’t on their own. I was looking after my poorly dad at the time.

I'm glad you own your own house OP. Might be time to give your tenants notice.