Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My partner’s son’s girlfriend stays Fri-Sun every weekend - I’d like a weekend on our own

257 replies

ThatKindStork · 20/05/2025 16:09

Sorry, long first post!!
My partner’s son has a new girlfriend. Within 3 dates, he’d brought her home to stay the weekend and she’s been staying every weekend since then (4 weekends on the trot), Fri-Sun. He doesn’t even ask his dad if she can stay, he just brings her home.
This isn’t his first girlfriend, this is his fourth and he’s only just turned 18. The first GF used to stay for weeks on end which used to cause issues.
I’ve asked my partner to have a word with his son to say she can’t stay every weekend as I want us to have some time together, but also because my partner works every other weekend so we only get 2 weekends out of 4 to do anything.
My OH always gets defensive, says it’s his son’s home too (I live with him) and “do I want him to kick him out”, “where is he going to go”. (his girlfriend’s/his mum’s?) which is absolutely not what I’m asking. When I say it’s supposedly my home too, he just gets worse.
The OH basically lets his son rule the house and there are no boundaries. He also does ridiculous things for him like folding his washing up, yet leaves all our stuff for me to sort out.
The fact that we can hear them having sex after he told them to be discreet, shows the son has absolutely no respect for us.
Am I being unreasonable asking for weekends without them staying? I don’t think I am but my OH doesn’t get what the issue is. He even said to me when I told him I could hear them having sec above my head that “it wouldn’t bother me, I’d have just turned my music up”?!
I feel like I’m invisible in the household 😓

OP posts:
IveGotAnUnusuallyLargePelvisISwear · 20/05/2025 17:47

How much of an impact does him having his girlfriend stay for the weekend really have? Are they not going out or hanging out in his room all that time?

Your partner is right that it’s his son's home too so he should be able to be there whenever he wants.

MissMoneyFairy · 20/05/2025 17:48

Do you own the home with your partner, if not he can do what he likes really, I'd move out, if your relationship is strong then he'll make adjustments or stay at yours.

TheOccupier · 20/05/2025 17:50

It's not hard to see where your stepson gets his lack.of respect for you - he's following his dad's cues. Move out, and consider ending this relationship.

Original poster
ThatKindStork · 20/05/2025 17:52

I’m not asking him to choose me over his son, I’m asking for some free weekends on our own so we can do what we want in the home. I might not want them hearing us have sex just as I don’t want to hear them. It’s about respecting everyone.

OP posts:
BIossomtoes · 20/05/2025 17:52

Rollofrockandsand · 20/05/2025 17:03

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. No 18 year old need to have a girlfriend staying every weekend and I totally get it’s an intrusion. Having said that it’s poor parenting by your partner.

I guess it was a bit of an intrusion when OP moved in too but the son was expected to put up and shut up.

Original poster
ThatKindStork · 20/05/2025 17:53

I moved here because he couldn’t move to mine because of work. So we’d be back to seeing each other once a month.

OP posts:
DoYouReally · 20/05/2025 17:53

Neither of these men have any respect for you.

I'm not sure why you are blaming the son. He's just doing what he wants in his house and with the acceptance of the home owner.

If you partner had an respect for you he would have addressed his son's rudeness to you in the past.

It's very clear where you stand - it's not top of either of their lists.

Original poster
ThatKindStork · 20/05/2025 17:55

but I didn’t just move in after two dates. We met and did lots of things with both kids before that happened and the OH discussed it with his son as I discussed it with mine.

OP posts:
AnnaL94 · 20/05/2025 17:58

ThatKindStork · 20/05/2025 17:00

i don’t know. That’s why I’m asking for advice. I wouldn’t have expected my boyfriend of a few weeks to stay over at my parents house. But then dies that mean I’m old fashioned 🤷‍♀️🤣

The best advice is for you to end the relationship and move out.

This was the son’s home before it was your home.

You aren’t the lad’s mother.

It his dad allows him to have girlfriends stay over then that’s that.

No point in being unhappy with a man who clearly has different boundaries to you.

TwinklyRoseTurtle · 20/05/2025 17:59

HedgehogOnTheBike · 20/05/2025 16:20

Just move out. It's their house.
Then your DP can visit you at your quieter home.

This

GeorgieBe · 20/05/2025 17:59

ThatKindStork · 20/05/2025 17:46

No. We don’t see her. But even been introduced.

Have you asked to meet her? if it’s something you want to sort out you could plan to go out for a meal or a takeaway in where you can all have a talk as adults, if you are all going to be living together. I wouldn’t be happy about someone wondering round my house every weekend who I have never met. If you are awake enough to hear them at it every weekend then I would just appear before they go to their room -when you hear them arrive home and go and introduce myself. You’re not going to ‘win’ against his child if that was what you pictured, but it shouldn’t come to that. Curious, is there another parent involved, is this why the son stays with his dad because there’s been no boundaries, or is dad avoiding boundaries in case son moves back to other parent?

Rewis · 20/05/2025 17:59

MN is the only place where it is totally fine for adult children to do whatever they want in their house and move in partners without any considerations.

Op, you're not asking for much. The problem is that your partner disagrees and it sounds like it is his house and his child and he doesn't think of you as an equal adult in the household. It is time for a come to jesus talk with partner and be prepared to move out. Quite honestly, I think a lot of adult relationships would work better if they didn't blend families nor moved on together. You can still date.

SpunkySquid · 20/05/2025 18:00

Nah, a night here or there would be fine but every fri-sun to taking the piss.

whynotmereally · 20/05/2025 18:01

I’d say it’s reasonable your step son has his gf stay. The sex leave your dp to manage and maybe get earplugs. Don’t tidy your dps washing dump it on his side of bed.
If you and your dp are doing stuff together I can’t see why it matters if dss gf is at the house, unless you want to invite dss too? In which case nclude the gf? That way you can enjoy time with dss.

MeridianB · 20/05/2025 18:02

YADNBU OP.

The OH basically lets his son rule the house and there are no boundaries. He also does ridiculous things for him like folding his washing up, yet leaves all our stuff for me to sort out.

Your partner is showing you where you are in his list of priorities and it's after him, his son and probably the son's GFs.

It's hard to see this changing any time soon. At 18 he's going to be around for at least few more years and will only become more of a spoilt emperor in that time. I wouldn't hang around for that.

If your place is rented out then presumably you have to give your tenant notice. Is there somewhere you can go in the meantime so you're not stuck in teen-shag-towers?

Original poster
ThatKindStork · 20/05/2025 18:02

No boundaries set. Other parent sees the son when it’s convenient to her, which is very infrequent, and she wouldn’t allow them there every weekend. OH is scared of losing his son. It’s not a normal situation tbh.

OP posts:
SALaw · 20/05/2025 18:02

What can you not do when she’s there? The loud sex would annoy me but I guess it depends how loud we’re talking. Screaming and moaning, no, but if the bed is a bit squeaky or something I’d probably just put headphones in and listen to something.

Original poster
ThatKindStork · 20/05/2025 18:03

I could stay with my dad but all my furniture is here so would have to store it. No big deal though for my peace of mind.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 20/05/2025 18:03

ThatKindStork · 20/05/2025 17:53

I moved here because he couldn’t move to mine because of work. So we’d be back to seeing each other once a month.

Why would you bother seeing him at all?

It's a relationship going nowhere

TwinklyRoseTurtle · 20/05/2025 18:05

Its a good job you have your own home- how long a tenancy do the current tenants have left?

GeorgieBe · 20/05/2025 18:09

ThatKindStork · 20/05/2025 18:02

No boundaries set. Other parent sees the son when it’s convenient to her, which is very infrequent, and she wouldn’t allow them there every weekend. OH is scared of losing his son. It’s not a normal situation tbh.

Ah makes sense. Quite a common situation. People are being very unfair telling you to dump him on the spot, easier said than done, clearly you love him. I do think you all need to talk it out. If they aren’t willing to talk it out then you maybe need some time apart to think this through. Dad too scared to parent and mom not really bothered, the boy isn’t really being given any guidance of what’s acceptable, no wonder he’s being disrespectful he is probably confused, not ideal for the gf either if he’s not being taught how to treat women respectfully, try and arrange a family talk.

Dweetfidilove · 20/05/2025 18:14

Well, they're not going to develop boundaries now, so you can leave or put up with it 🤷🏾‍♀️.

Stop being a skivvy too, while you're at it.

MarkingBad · 20/05/2025 18:16

Rewis · 20/05/2025 17:59

MN is the only place where it is totally fine for adult children to do whatever they want in their house and move in partners without any considerations.

Op, you're not asking for much. The problem is that your partner disagrees and it sounds like it is his house and his child and he doesn't think of you as an equal adult in the household. It is time for a come to jesus talk with partner and be prepared to move out. Quite honestly, I think a lot of adult relationships would work better if they didn't blend families nor moved on together. You can still date.

I was just thinking that, I don't know anyone with adult kids that can do as they please yet on MN it's seen as normal. Everyone else seems to understand it's their parents house and they live in it until they are on their feet enough to leave. They ask parents permission at any age for having friends or partners over.

OP

It doesn't suit you and TBH I imagine there is a lot more going on in the background to the point where you feel thoroughly fed up. The laundry folding and sons sex life is just the two straws breaking the camels back.

If you can move out do so, you can leave a relationship for any reason you like, you don't owe your DP or his wayward son anything. I wouldn't want to live like this either because it's not that you are unheard or invisible but that there is no option to compromise, that's not a relationship, it's being dismissed as unreasonable, no wonder you've had to come and ask randoms on the internet for their input.

Trial a separation because you can't keep living like this where there is no compromise, no negotiating, and by the sounds of it, no help for you, just an expectation that you will do your stuff and more and that's that.

amele · 20/05/2025 18:16

Just tell your OH, you’re moving out and out of this relationship, be serious about it, start looking for places as I guess ur house on rent means u can’t just kick the tenants out, pack ur belongings. If he really cares for you and sees your serious about leaving, he will make the necessary changes and if he doesn’t then why waste ur life with a man that will never put u first.

User27563 · 20/05/2025 18:19

It was their house, the two of them,
Dad moved his girlfriend in.
It's not really fair to then say the other person who was originally living there can't have his girlfriend round or move her in.

I don't think I would have opted to move in with a 16yo boy in the first place, what was the rush? Surely better to have your own place then the two of you could have had time alone together there.