My partner’s son’s girlfriend stays Fri-Sun every weekend - I’d like a weekend on our own

[ThatKindStork]

Sorry, long first post!!
My partner’s son has a new girlfriend. Within 3 dates, he’d brought her home to stay the weekend and she’s been staying every weekend since then (4 weekends on the trot), Fri-Sun. He doesn’t even ask his dad if she can stay, he just brings her home.
This isn’t his first girlfriend, this is his fourth and he’s only just turned 18. The first GF used to stay for weeks on end which used to cause issues.
I’ve asked my partner to have a word with his son to say she can’t stay every weekend as I want us to have some time together, but also because my partner works every other weekend so we only get 2 weekends out of 4 to do anything.
My OH always gets defensive, says it’s his son’s home too (I live with him) and “do I want him to kick him out”, “where is he going to go”. (his girlfriend’s/his mum’s?) which is absolutely not what I’m asking. When I say it’s supposedly my home too, he just gets worse.
The OH basically lets his son rule the house and there are no boundaries. He also does ridiculous things for him like folding his washing up, yet leaves all our stuff for me to sort out.
The fact that we can hear them having sex after he told them to be discreet, shows the son has absolutely no respect for us.
Am I being unreasonable asking for weekends without them staying? I don’t think I am but my OH doesn’t get what the issue is. He even said to me when I told him I could hear them having sec above my head that “it wouldn’t bother me, I’d have just turned my music up”?!
I feel like I’m invisible in the household 😓

There’s lots more. I guess I’ve tried really hard to keep it together but for what? Daily battles, disrespect? Tbh it’s affected my health too. So I shouldn’t really worry about anyone but myself. Let’s face it, they don’t.

The laundry thing and the being sworn at unchecked just speak volumes to me. Unacceptable.

You absolutely deserve better treatment than this.

💐

The son doesn’t talk. He “doesn’t like confrontation” aka doesn’t like being told what to do.

OP I think I would just be moving out. I’d there somewhere local you can rent? I wouldn’t want to be feeling like I can’t relax at home,’it should be a sanctuary.

It's a bit 'boys will be boys' innit? Rotten for you that you actually live there. Must you live there? Could you live elsewhere and visit?

I'd move out, it's not working for you. You deserve security, peace and quiet.

What does the son do? Is he studying, working or what? Is he likely to move out to a place of his own anytime in the near future? Unlikely as he obviously runs the show so has no 'push' factors to make him move out! Which is what I think you need to do. It may not be your house but it is your home and there should be some consideration. Amazed the GF just comes that often and hasn't been introduced or said thanks for having me.

OP, it sounds to me as if now you have asked about the weekly GF thing you have realised there’s more and more and more you have been keeping the lid on.

I’m not accusing you of drip feeding us but I think you might have been absorbing marginalisation and disrespect for some time. I hope this thread has helped you get things off your chest and you can take a more objective look at the situation.

It doesn’t sound good to me and depending on the situation with your own house I think I’d be looking to move back there as soon as. You can then see how committed your partner/manfriend is and what sort of relationship you want with him.

I have some understanding of him not wanting to lose his son but his style of parenting isn’t doing anyone any favours. You said his son’s mother wouldn’t allow the GF to stay over so much if son was living with her. He could do worse than follow her lead !

Seems like you get no respect, move out and leave them to it

I would be packing my things and walking away……….you are not being respected or valued by either your OH or his son. Both are taking the piss and your OH basically appears to see you as a housekeeper for them both.

Neither of them have a scrap of regard or respect for you.

If you did for yourself you wouldn't be tolerating this.
You are wasting your time.
This won't change.
It is not normal for 18 year olds to have girlfriends staying every weekend.

Stop wasting your life.
Make the decision to move out and move on.
Weak men are so unattractive.
You are a convenience payimg half the bills.
Wake up OP.

You’re not being unreasonable in the slightest but if both your partner and his son are on the same page then you might have to seriously consider whether you can keep on living like this. I would really struggle to have a stranger in my home for such long periods of time.

You need to find somewhere else to rent. Sounds like a horrid situation

If I had the means or a place to move to, I would be gone in a heartbeat. This kid could stay for years and may go through girlfriends every month. Its gross. If he wants to have loud sex he should move out. I have five sons and it would be the day that one of them would take over our home that way.

Looks like you should move, you're not comfortable and need peace and quiet.

Whether you want somewhere close to bf us up to you.

Its fine for him to look out for his son but its not fine to enable him to become a spoilt brat and disregard you as his partner.

Does his son pay for his keep ?

Regardless i would plan to move out ASAP with out even telling them

Hes not even considered asking his son to give you the weekends (when he does not work) alone.

In the meantime do NOT do a thing for any of them. meals, laundry etc.

I would NOT continue a relationship with him at all either. He is not considering you or your relationship at all.

This is exactly why I never moved into someone else’s home.
I like my own space.
I like my privacy.
I do not want to hear somebody else “having sex.”
I do not want to witness the excruciating embarrassment of someone cycling through four lovers by the age of 18.
I do not want to argue over “I thought it was my house too.”
Give me my independence.
I can be a happy remote girlfriend just as well as I can be a miserable live in one.
You’re never gonna win, @ThatKindStork— I hope you realise that. And I hope you make the appropriate adjustments for it. ❤️

Tell the gf you are so very happy to hear her healthy sex life. Give her knowing smiles and winks every morning, ” sleep well dear?” She will soon be suggesting to the SS that they spend weekends elsewhere.

Thank you. Yes it has helped massively. There’s more but tbh it’s too long to go into.

Er because she’s been with her dp 4.5 years not 2 weeks and the OP pays for food and lots of costs/bills. You think that doesn’t make a difference?

At college then taking a year out travelling or he was until he got a gf.

He lives with him and he’s scared his son will leave if he parents. The other parent doesn’t really want to know tbh. I think that’s why the son latches onto any girl that pays him attention.

how easy would it be for you to move back in to your place, OP?

Also wanted to ask about your work situation, have kids of your own? How old are you?

it doesn’t seem a very happy situation for you.

My house is rented out so a bit awkward atm. My son is with his dad as he’s at uni and I’m not local now.
No it’s not now.
It used to be but once the son figured out he could play his dad and has done so ever since.