To be sad over this or am I overreacting?

[maria2bela1]

It’s my birthday today. I have young children. Whenever my birthday approaches my husband always mentions getting me a present but then talks about savings and money, so I just say don’t get me anything. In the past presents or days out always have to be prompted by me so these days I just give up and think forget it. My kids came and gave me hug and kiss and said happy birthday this morning, but I couldn’t help but feel sad that he didn’t even get them a card to give to me or a little bunch of flowers. Whilst having breakfast he said oh I didn’t know what to get you (been married over a decade) and I’ll get you something, I just said no problem don’t worry. I was really upset as on his birthdays and Father’s Day I always get him presents. He usually makes comments like ‘oh what you getting for my birthday then’ beforehand so I know he likes presents etc. Other than this he pays all the rent/bills and is a good dad so perhaps he feels this is good enough, which it is, but I had a good cry when he left this morning but don’t know if I’m being a brat or not.

Instead of saying don't get me anything or it's no problem tell him what you want. Tell him it's made you upset and you want him to buy you cards, presents, flowers and arrange days out.
I'd be sad too but I make it clear to my DH that I expect cards and presents. Some people are very literal and if someone tells them not to get them anything, they won't.

Happy birthday 🎂 🥳. Honestly I don’t think you're being a brat, but you are giving mixed messages. You say "don't get me anything" and "don't worry". Your husband is just doing as you've said.

Tell him how you feel.
Currently you always tell him not to get you anything, so he doesn't get you anything. I agree that's pretty crap from him but he is doing what you say

You're not being a brat at all. Even if money is tight, there are ways to acknowledge your birthday and your DH should at least do that. For what it's worth, I have been, married for 15 years. DH and I send each other links to things we would like for our birthdays!

You're martyring yourself by telling him not to get you anything and the result is crying on your birthday :(

It's not bratty or entitled to expect the person you chose to create a family and spend your life with to make you feel soecial or loved a couple of days a year?

Stop buying him cards and presents.

If he asks, say not sure and then just don't do anything.

I had this with my ex. I tried not to hold a grudge, but finally I matched his energy and he was shocked. Next year, I got a nice gift.

Tell him what you want

Your husband is a prick.

Please stop buying the cunt presents and take your dc out to buy you birthday presents and a a card.

You have a choice stop being a martyr and tell him what you want. Or stop buying his Father’s Day and birthday presents. Just tell him as he got you nothing and goes on about savings you assume all present buying is off.

You need to stop saying it’s fine, because he think you’re not fussed and doesn’t make the effort. It’s crappy of him but if he’s thinking you don’t care, then he won’t care.

Happy birthday! Hope the day gets better!

Stop telling him not to get you presents if you want presents!

Most men take words at face value. You are telling him one thing when actually you mean the complete opposite. Stop giving mixed messages and tell him exactly what you want.
When you’re all at home this evening, tell them that since your birthday is on a work/school day, you’d like to do something at the weekend to celebrate it instead.
They could do something as simple as making you breakfast together, or buying you some flowers. TELL THEM THIS. BE CLEAR.

And next year, give him notice, but say you want him to organise a card for the kids, and a small gift/bunch of flowers on your actual birthday.

Enough of the playing down what you want, trying to be ‘low maintenance’. Be high maintenance and proud!

In the meantime, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 🥳 👏🎉🎈

This is silly OP. You said don’t get me anything. My husband would take that very literally.
He wouldn’t understand someone saying that but secretly wanting a present.

send him a list of 3-5 suggestions a few weeks before your birthday each year.

I think lots of posters are missing the point that this prick is conditioning OP into not asking for anything by complaining about bills and adding to savings.

SAHMs are often financially vulnerable, it’s understandable OP finds it hard to advocate for herself.

OP, do you have full access to all money and savings?

Why isn’t the man ‘silly’ for what he is doing? Have you missed the below?

Whenever my birthday approaches my husband always mentions getting me a present but then talks about savings and money,

Don’t tell him not together you anything if you don’t actually mean it. He’s not a mind reader.

My husband and I have stopped getting each other gifts and we just treat ourselves to something random that we really want for our own birthdays - we share all our money anyway so it's all the same thing really. We support our children to make each other presents for birthdays and holidays and we usually plan something nice to do together as a family for each other's days (he supported the kids making me afternoon tea for mother's day for example and the kids helped me make his favourite cake and we played some board games for his as he loves that).

I think you saying 'don't bother' is confusing and you should either tell him you want a fuss or stop making a fuss over him.

He is actively discouraging her from asking for anything.

Do the same for his birthday, let him feel it.

Next time, suggest flowers and a card.

He is, but she doesn’t need to accept that ‘prompt’. When he starts blustering about savings, the OP needs to be able to say ‘Nonsense, Nigel. A bouquet of flowers, a bottle of bath oil, plus a couple of cards and trinkets from the children once a year isn’t going to mean we can’t pay the mortgage this month!’

Happy birthday, lovie 🎂
Don't let him guilt you into saying you don't want anything, tell him you want cards at the very least, especially from the children x

Agreed.

Father's day coming up. You know what to do.

Happy birthday lovely. You aren't a brat and you shouldn't have to prompt him to get you at least a card. Not getting one for the kids to give you is unkind and unnecessarily thoughtless. He knows that birthdays involve cards and presents. After all, he gratefully receives the ones you get him. Why does he think you're any different. Personally I couldn't be bothered to prompt my nearest and dearest to remember my birthday. If the thought isn't heartfelt and genuine, then what's the bloody point.

Stop making an effort for his birthday and he’ll soon buck up his ideas.

dh never used to make a great effort buying gifts, one Mother’s Day he bought me a box of chocolates(that I don’t even like) from the shop the night before , so I kept them and gave him them back for Father’s Day. His face was a picture!

his present buying has been amazing since the , I now just give him a list of a few things I’d like and he buys something from the list!