Should I give my honest to God opinion or just keep quiet?

[Payets]

So my sister and I are very close. It’s the kind of relationship where I could say “you can’t out in that you look hideous”. There would be no fallout as it’s recognised it’s coming from a good place.

Anyway, she’s getting married and we are just very different. I’m more detail oriented and type A. Where is a little slap dash and low effort.

I would say I have good taste and friends often ask me to go furniture or clothes shopping with them.

Sister showed me her wedding invites and they were truly awful. I shared alternatives. Said they were a little dated. Offered my services re ribbon tying and wax seal applying. But sister was like “who gives a shit”. I can tell she is getting annoyed.

No word of a lie she had used a border not too dissimilar to the one I had attached. Her wedding is very much not cheap either!

Do I change the habit of a lifetime and allow her to make shit choices??

Im very aware it’s her wedding so will for say “and the end of the day it’s up to you, it’s your wedding”.

Says you.

Posting about your sisters shortcomings on a public forum. Slagging off her choices for all to see and discuss.

How open, honest and sisterly.

I used to think I had. Our relationship started deteriorating when she made snarky, sneering remarks about my wedding plans. I realised she had no idea who I was and, worse, didn't believe me when I tried to explain I'm not the character she had in mind.

Those ones with wax seals and ribbons =. If B&M did ‘classy’ wedding invitations.

Really no one is going to care about the invites. They will note the time and the place and then bin them.

@Payetsmaybe your sister is asking your opinion but in a more reassurance seeking way than a I want you to tell me your style on this kind of way? Like she maybe just needs a sounding board & the confidence from sharing it with another person rather than being advised to do something completely different. She’s going to be different to you & so you’re probably never going to like personally her choices. But you can make the right noises & validate them. You can advise & guide like checking her ideas work with her overall theme if she has one, or if certain things work with her colour choices etc & point these out to se if they bother or matte to her. Surely you can do that without rubbishing her ideas. You may have a good eye for things but taste is very subjective. If she doesn’t care about it all she’s really quite lucky & sounds like the small stuff isn’t something she’s bothered about. Surely that bodes far better for the overall do, where it’s about the people & the moment & the experience everyone is having, rather than the font used on the invite or the border on the menus. I think you’re being too much of a perfectionist. Maybe take a lead out of her book?!

It's really coming across that you don't want observations and opinions that might differ from your own. But, fwiw... people can be very touchy when it comes to their weddings. I'd likely respond with phrases like:
what are you unsure about
which one are you leaning toward
how can I help you best

"Neither are bad choices, maybe this one is a bit more elegant, but what do you think? Then reassure the choice made. Yes, I like that, too! "

You're in a tough spot. Tread with care and know it will all work out.

Quite honestly I have never received a wedding invite and critiqued it. I only look for the information how to rsvp and check accommodation options nearby. Then it gets pinned up.

Your sister doesn't want to spend lots on wedding invitations fair enough weddings are expensive enough let alone all the bloody stamps to send the invitations in the first place!

That's asking you to pick between choices NOT slag off her choices and make completely different suggestions🤦‍♀️

It's nothing whatsoever to do with you. It's your sister's and her partner's day, and what they want goes. Not everyone wants the perfectly curated wedding day, I couldn't care less about things like invitations and what they look like. Leave her alone and keep your opinions to yourself.

As for having "good taste" that's subjective.

Apologies for the derail, but since it got mentioned on the first page: There is actually no such thing as Type A personality in psychology.

The idea of the "Type A personality" was invented by the tobacco industry in the 1950s to try to explain why so many smokers were dying. They couldn't deny the correlation, so they came up with an alternative explanation that didn't mean that the tobacco was doing the damage. The idea was that there were these people with "type A personalities" who were prone to being highly stressed, and therefore more likely to both (a) drop dead of heart attacks and (b) smoke to calm themselves.

It was quite successful for a while (I assume they paid people to talk about it) and the myth of the Type A personality stuck around for a few decades after people finally understood that it was, in fact, the smoking that was killing people. Perhaps it's a useful metaphor for someone who is a bit less easy-going than the average, but it's not regarded as a valid classification in any area of psychology today.

This.

Ribbons and wax seals? How try-hard and down market is that? 🙄.

Phone for the fish-wives, Norman … 😀

The truth is, most people genuinely don’t give a shit about wedding invites and it’s quite refreshing that your sister recognises this and is doubtless spending her money on other things which might well make more impact.

Some of your mates probably think your taste is rubbish or boring but are too polite to say. Just let her do her own thing..

Anyone besides me notice that the OP backed off of the wax seals and her examples after people gave their opinion 😂

@Payets there’s a lesson in that for you!

ETA: The phrases you’re looking for are “Do you like it?” “It’s not my invitation/decoratio/wedding… does it make you happy?”

Yeah right. Backtracking much? 😂

That looks shit. Extremely ‘Etsy’ and a bit Essex. Maybe that’s your thing?

It’s clearly not your sisters, thank God. So get your nose out!

These are really ugly. I like her taste more 😆

"I offered this because I have better taste"
"That's bad and try hard though"
"Well obviously I don't like this..."

Quickly backtracked indeed

100%

Just be supportive of her choices.

It absolutely is about you wanting to take control. You talked about “allowing her to make shit choices”. You don’t get to “allow” anything and you are insanely controlling if you believe anything that isn’t to your personal taste is a “shit choice”.

Matters of personal taste like this do not have a right or wrong. You don’t like them. She does. Your taste isn’t any better than hers. It is simply different. And as this is her bloody wedding and not yours, wind your bloody neck in. If she likes them, they are a good choice.

Fine to tell her they wouldn’t be your choice, if she asked you outright. But if her response is “Fair enough, but I like them so that’s what I’m having” then you need to shut up about it and stop banging on about wax seals and obsessing over this absolute non-issue.

FWIW, I think those wax seals are incredibly naff. If I was getting married, the invitations would be simple, minimalist printed white cards. No wax seals, scrolls, faux calligraphy or any of that. Not my thing at all. I would keep it contemporary and clear and would be avoiding fussy details or faux antique gimmicks like the plague.

You have a very strange notion of what closeness is.

Being ‘close’ doesn’t mean haranguing someone about their personal taste and pushing and pushing them until they do things your way. You can be close to someone without being uptight and patronising to them when they’ve indicated that they want you to button your lip.

You say you have good taste , that’s your opinion. You have different taste , doesn’t mean yours is better.

They’re only invites a really minor detail. Will just be stuck on the fridge better to spend the money on the important details.

Op yours is just ONE point of view and certainly not superior to anyone else’s. You seem to think you are the last word in taste and style, no wonder you are annoying your sister.

Her invitations are full of personality and character - symbolising her qualities not yours, with the fussy ribbons and wax seals. It’s her wedding and should reflect her style, not yours. The bright and vibrant nature of the invites would make me smile and look forward to the wedding. A blessed change from stiff formality and lack of creativity that usually accompanies weddings.

I'm amused by the description of the floral border as 'dated', followed immediately by the suggestion of wax seals, which strike me as quite trendy and therefore doomed to look 'dated' in short order.

I wouldn't have chosen the floral border, either, to be honest, but it's all a matter of opinion and at the end of the day, the style of a wedding invitation isn't that important to anyone but the bride and groom. No-one is right or wrong here. Even if she originally asked your opinion, you've said you can sense that she's unhappy that you're not supporting her choices. Unless that changes, just let it go, push down your superior taste, and try to find something nice to say about what she selects. If she asked 'which' design you like, that suggests she was showing you 2 or more designs and asking for your opinion on just those, not inviting you to tell her that what she's narrowed it down to isn't nice enough.