Why are my kids taking SO long to fall asleep at bed time ???!??!?

[mysunshin]

I went up with them at 6:40 and there’s just endless messing around, it’s so frustrating!

they are 3 and 5 and they still need me there to fall asleep. I don’t mind that too much ( not ideal but it is what it is )… we all get snuggled up in a big double bed, but there’s just endless messing around, kicking each other - chatting, just them going crazy.

I picked them up from school- they’ve had dinner, not too much screen time, bed time stories, but it still takes a good hour until they fall asleep. My little one was absolutely exhausted tonight and really needs his sleep.

if they get to sleep too late, the mornings are absolute hell, as they’re so upset to be woken up for the day. I always prefer for them to wake up in the morning on their own accord. That starts the day way better.

I am honestly shattered, spending nearly an hour every night of my fucking life up there- trying to get them to settle down. I don’t even care about the hour, all I’m doing is trying to get them to sleep because I’m dreading the morning so much. It’s such a stressful start to the day when they’re both screaming and crying because they’re so exhausted.

Why are you all in one double bed?

Do you do bath time? I used to do that every evening, just a shallow bath to clean and expe d the last of their energy, and then after being dried off and a book or two they'd be falling asleep.

It's probably too hot to be all snuggled up together. Do you have the room properly dark to help the brain to realise it's bedtime? A proper routine outside of getting into the bed together?

Yeah we have wash time before bed of course. We have aircon, bedrooms aren’t that hot at all the moment. We are definitely not too hot. Double bed is just what we’ve got used to.

Put them in their own beds, in their own room, and stop staying with them till they fall asleep.

Could you separate them at bedtime? I think it would be quicker if you left the older one on their own (maybe listening to an audio book or something) while you settle the younger one, and then go say good night to the older one. They're probably winding each other up.

This.

Being in a big bed with each other and their mum is clearly just ramping up the shenanigans!!

They would go absolutely nuts if I tried that. It’s all they know, to sleep together and for me to be there until they fall asleep. I don’t mind if they’re behaving.

This is the worst time of year for sleeping 😴. It's very light and warm. My DS was terrible for going to sleep. So much energy! Its exhausting 😴. I would give them longer in the garden if u can , maybe have a walk or bike ride.try to.have a bath then story and bed .warm drink and a story.

r take them for a walk

Ok but the whole reason you've posted is that they're not behaving, so...either you will have to put up with this, or you will have to do things differently. Speaking from experience, bedtime goes much better with just one child per bed (ideally per room, but obviously lots of children share a bedroom).

But they're not behaving.
They're annoying you and they'll get worse.
You need to be firm.
I had four children and they all had their own cots, which were put in their own rooms.

I never stayed with any of them till they fell asleep. That's asking for trouble.

You could read the Ferber book about children's sleep problems. It's very helpful.

OP you’ve asked for advice. Been given advice. You don’t want the advice.

Do you think that they will be all together in a double bed till they’re 18?!

Do you co sleep with them later too?

Heed the advice as given. Or don’t. But don’t question why they’re not sleeping.

But they're not behaving. And it really doesn't take that long in the grand scheme of things to make a new routine if you stick with it.

You don't have to leave them by themselves to fall asleep but establishing a different way of going to sleep might save your sanity.

That's some prop you have provided imo. And it no longer works..
Bunk beds in a shared room?

Mine would too, they would go ballistic. 2 and 4 here. I think it’s the lighter/warmer nights. They know it’s not dark outside even though there’s a blackout blind. They’ve been outside a lot more so as well as being worn out they are over tired.we do bath, bed, story, lights out every night and it’s been a struggle the last couple of weeks. We pile in one bed too. Cooler and cloudier nights ahead though so think that will make a difference.

I don’t mind staying with them if they need me to fall asleep. The oldest will fall asleep in his own but he prefers not to. One day they won’t want me to stay so I’m making the most of it.

I do wish they would go to bloody sleep though 😂 It’s 10 past 8 at the moment instead of half 7 and I miss being downstairs.

The double bed isn’t working. So I’d stop that immediately. And 6.40 is a very early bedtime especially for a 5YO. Put them in their own beds and don’t go up to bed until 7, aiming to have them asleep by 7.30 following 1 story and then sit with them if you think that’s best but do it sat on a chair not in the bed with them.

6:40 seems really early. Mine were eating dinner at 6-6:30 at that age.
All together in a big bed doesn’t sound relaxing. Could you have a later bedtime for the older one and sort the youngest first?
I never stayed with mine until they fell asleep though. We had stories, cuddles etc then I went downstairs. Usually they fell straight to sleep, sometimes they looked at books, listened to a CD or played for a bit then went to sleep.

I think 6.40pm is way too early.

I have a 5 year old. He was just finishing dinner at 6.40pm. Dh and I then took him for a little walk, with Ds on his bike 7-7.30pm. Home and relax.
8pm i brought him up, book, ready for bed. Tonie on at 8.20pm. I think he’s literally just fallen asleep and it’s 9.05pm here. He always takes almost an hour to fall
asleep. He will be awake by 6am latest.

6.40pm he would absolutely take 2-3 hrs faffing to then fall asleep around same time.

I would start bedtime at 7.30 or even 8pm instead

Own beds, ideally separate rooms.
Really fixed routine - bath, pjs, story, bed.
Say goodnight and go. If they get up return to bed, don’t interact. They’ll soon get used to it.
Current set up isn’t working.

Separate bedtimes. At 3 and 5, they’re playmates egging each other on, it’s all exciting. Much easier to be strict, boring, “go to sleep” mummy when you’re one on one with them, versus them outnumbering you.

Laughing at the pp whose kids drift off peacefully after a bath, though. A bath seems to supercharge extra energy into mine, they’re much better – albeit filthy – on bath refusal nights.

Agree that 6:40 is way too early!
Don’t prolong the bed time- if anything having you in there means they’re distracted and will stay up longer.

With my 5 year old we do “night night love you see you in the morning” blow kisses then lights out. He’s usually asleep within 10 minutes.

I also agree 6.40 seems very early. what time do they get up?

What nonsense

My two have single beds pushed together and DH or I lie in the middle until they fall asleep so I get you. Rod for my own back and all that but we we all know they won't be doing this at 15! So no push from me to change.

As for what to do. Ours get washed, changed, we sit ON the bed and read some books. DH and I do it differently but we do it OUT of bed. Then after 3 stories it's lights out. I lie in the middle. The night light singing thing plays (auto off after a while) and I tell them another story in the dark (usual fairy tale stuff you can do from memory). If they're playing up I just stop and threaten to leave. You just have to be firm that once lights are off, we lie down. Sing or tell them a story although sometimes they still need to talk so I try to listen for a while and then remind them we need sleep. You just have to be strict about lights out behaviour

Not so much for the 3yo but it seems a bit early for a 5yo. If it was me I'd take them up and put them to bed about 7:30 and then I'd leave the room. If they muck about just leave them to it. They'll soon figure out that staying up late and being woken in the morning is horrible.

Oh and re time, yeah we were starting at 7 when they were 3ish. Now they're 5 it's a bit more flexible but lights out for 8 and asleep by half past. Up at 7.30

Currently lying in the middle of my two 😂

mine are being a pain too cause of the light evenings but 6:40 sounds very early. My almost 4yo goes to bed at 7:30/8 and the 1.5 yo is about half an hour earlier. That’s after a day at nursery and just the 1, 1 hour nap for the younger one. I’d take whatever time they’ve actually been falling asleep and set 30 mins before that as the bedtime and see how you go.