Why are my kids taking SO long to fall asleep at bed time ???!??!?

[mysunshin]

I went up with them at 6:40 and there’s just endless messing around, it’s so frustrating!

they are 3 and 5 and they still need me there to fall asleep. I don’t mind that too much ( not ideal but it is what it is )… we all get snuggled up in a big double bed, but there’s just endless messing around, kicking each other - chatting, just them going crazy.

I picked them up from school- they’ve had dinner, not too much screen time, bed time stories, but it still takes a good hour until they fall asleep. My little one was absolutely exhausted tonight and really needs his sleep.

if they get to sleep too late, the mornings are absolute hell, as they’re so upset to be woken up for the day. I always prefer for them to wake up in the morning on their own accord. That starts the day way better.

I am honestly shattered, spending nearly an hour every night of my fucking life up there- trying to get them to settle down. I don’t even care about the hour, all I’m doing is trying to get them to sleep because I’m dreading the morning so much. It’s such a stressful start to the day when they’re both screaming and crying because they’re so exhausted.

What time do they wake at / need to wake at?
Does the 3 year old ever fall asleep (even for 5 mins in the car?

Honestly OP I totally get the frustration but I think with the setup you’ve got that’s just how long it takes. An hour for bedtime at that age, with two in a bed, sounds pretty average tbh. FWIW it’s worth, I deal with a maddeningly long bedtime because I think it’s what my (younger) child needs to switch off. Older DC didn’t need it. Every child is different

6.40?? A school aged child? That’s basically tea time. Maybe they’re just not as tired as you wish they were, plus it’s light outside so they may not be convinced.

Plus all this piling into one bed is an absolute nonsense. Get them into their own beds and give them a proper routine if you want them to be able to settle down quietly at bedtime.

They need to get up at 6:30 .

no he doesn’t.

i posted about them a few weeks ago and described how exhausted they seem and literally every poster told me to put them to bed earlier. As I said they were going to sleep at around 7:30 pm to 8 pm max.

you know what, fuck it. Can’t really get proper advice on here anyway.

I will talk to chat GPT about it and I’m sure something useful will come out of it.

thanks all. Good night.

In your earlier post at 20.42 you wrote 'my five year old could stay up until 8pm but because bedtime is together she doesn't'. To me that means you know your 5 year old does not require as much sleep, but she has to go sleep earlier to suit you and her brother.. Both statements cannot be true.

Mine are put to bed in their own beds in their own rooms. As soon as I leave the room, they get out of bed and start playing in their rooms.

Op what IS the bedroom arrangement? Are they in a double in their room? Or your double? Is so do they have their own beds? Like I said I lie between my two too but it's absolutely starts in their room. If they wake in the night I'll take them back to their bed and lie until they sleep (normally very quick) unless they climb in without waking us and then sometimes as they spread I end up in theirs lol

😂

fucking drama queen.

@FluentRedPoetbut what about it, makes it SO WRONG ? Many things in life are wrong, a 5 year old going to bed at 7:30 pm some nights, is not SO WRONG.

she’s in a better mood too when she has a slightly earlier night for what it’s worth. Nothing about it is SO WRONG, as you describe. I’m doing my fucking best here and you’re telling me I’m doing something SO WRONG because of 30 minute. Come on.

Can I ask why you posted this because all the advice you have been given is wrong apparently? What is it that you wanted people to say? In my opinion bed time is too early for the 5 year old, being in the same bed is making them act up and the light warmer nights will be playing a part. But it doesn’t affect me or anyone else on here so you do you, good luck

@Exasperated24 drama queen or a human at fucking breaking point.

I understand about the waking naturally because mine are also so much better when not woken up.

3 year age gap and they also shared a room until this year (10 and 7 now) and they still go to bed at the same time.

I stopped lying down with them by sitting on the bed then the floor then outside the room and worked my way down the stairs honestly it did make bed time quicker.

Bed sharing in general isn’t popular on mumsnet and you’ll get a lot of people telling you that the big bed is the problem - maybe it is but if it works for you in other ways then things you could try…..

a slightly later bedtime - little one may adjust if it’s say 15 mins.

a clearly explained no talking after story rule where breaking it repeatedly for silly reasons has clear consequences (like no pudding/screen the next day etc)

sleeping lions

dad/another adult does bedtime to give you a rest from the frustration

the threat of separate beds if they can’t be good in the double!

my DC has recently started sleeping through the night in their own bed regularly for the first time at 5. I don’t regret the years of snuggles we’ve had together - even though it’s been frustrating sometimes. I love having them fall asleep on me. They’re only little once.

6.30 is probably too early, so it's drags out then they get restless and a second wind. Push bedtime later, maybe 7.00 or 7.30 and male ot quick. Teeth, 3 books and lights out. They also should be in their own rooms and beds

but why did I have 60 people tell me that it was a late bed time just a few weeks ago ??? It makes zero sense.

I take the point about them acting up because of the shading a bed situation but seriously so many posters told me how wrong I was about their bed time being oh my god - way too late ! Now everyone is saying it’s too early.

i give up.

I'm really sorry you're feeling like this, truly.
I do recommend the Ferber book about children's sleep problems.

It can't do you any harm to read it. If you don't agree with what it says, nothing will have been lost. But I think you'll quickly discover some very useful advice.

You sound exhausted.

Ok Sorry.

But take the advice then. Something has to change.

I don’t think staying with your child till they fall asleep is ‘asking for trouble’ I’ve done it with my children and they both sleep wonderfully well most of the time. They are just children and may need a little support to sleep. It’s a stressful time when they can’t/wont sleep straight away but believe me time goes fast and you will look back at these years and miss them!

I was just pointing out that you had contradicted yourself. In one post saying your child would be OK going to sleep at 8pm then in another saying it had to be 7.30. A school age child is not going to be as tired by 6.40 as a three year old who has not had a nap all day. They may be fairly close in age but at the moment they are at different developmental stages. As many posters have pointed out putting them in separate beds and possibly separate rooms will probably make it easier in the long run. You have to decide if you want to carry on with something that isn't working or try something different. It's your choice.

I think strict routine in bed. This helped me with the chaos. I became quite strict with how we sit nicely so we can all see the book when it's story time, after that it's sleepy kittens time so cuddle up and no talking. If they try and talk make it boring. Just keep saying "go to sleep" or ultimately ignore if it's just chatting.

I also think have bed rules. Bed is where we are calm, cosy and quiet. If we start messing around we have to get out of bed until we calm down. If we keep messing around we won't have time for stories. Etc etc!

Not everyone is going to go and find previous posts so it would have been helpful to include that a few weeks ago you changed their bedtime etc as it was possibly too late for them. Maybe a happy medium somewhere in-between those times though...

Even if they just had their own little beds in the same room, it would really help.

they’re fighting for position to be next to me. That’s the problem.

i think we need to just get them two beds or a bunk bed. It’s the only way. Same room. Although they do have their own rooms. But I can’t see them being happy to be left while I sort the other.

Also this is a weird one, but I've found repeatedly telling my kids they are tired makes them tired?? They do think it's an injustice to go to bed when it's still light, but the routine stuff helped. Even reading the same book right before bed helps wind down

Well why post?!

@FluentRedPoetI am sorry. I read your post and it really triggered me - I read it as you saying ‘ it’s so wrong ‘ that I would put my child to bed 30 minutes earlier to suit my other child. That’s how I read it and I think that’s a bit harsh.