Why are my kids taking SO long to fall asleep at bed time ???!??!?

[mysunshin]

I went up with them at 6:40 and there’s just endless messing around, it’s so frustrating!

they are 3 and 5 and they still need me there to fall asleep. I don’t mind that too much ( not ideal but it is what it is )… we all get snuggled up in a big double bed, but there’s just endless messing around, kicking each other - chatting, just them going crazy.

I picked them up from school- they’ve had dinner, not too much screen time, bed time stories, but it still takes a good hour until they fall asleep. My little one was absolutely exhausted tonight and really needs his sleep.

if they get to sleep too late, the mornings are absolute hell, as they’re so upset to be woken up for the day. I always prefer for them to wake up in the morning on their own accord. That starts the day way better.

I am honestly shattered, spending nearly an hour every night of my fucking life up there- trying to get them to settle down. I don’t even care about the hour, all I’m doing is trying to get them to sleep because I’m dreading the morning so much. It’s such a stressful start to the day when they’re both screaming and crying because they’re so exhausted.

Also envying everyone who doesn’t have to get their kids up until 7:30. We are all out of the house well before then!

My first thought when I read thread title and before I read your post was bedtime is too early, having read your post I would say the same, that's dinner time here! Only reason it takes my kids ages to go to sleep is they're not tired enough

Some kids are just crap at going to sleep! My middle one is and always has been fab, the eldest has ADHD so is up til all hours (thankfully in own room and happy reading, writing, pottering about) and my youngest just faffs for as long as possible. No amount of exercise or long days changes anything in our house. The one thing that does help is getting them outside in daylight first thing does - so school run days are slightly better than weekends! What time do they get up as anything before 7 for bed seems really early to me. If i tried to put mine to bed pre-7pm id be wasting my time, eapecially at thia time of year when its still daylight. Black out curtains and white noise might help - if they mess about the noise might drown them about a but and hopefully they'll give up.

Good luck!

So what if they 'go nuts'.

it's no longer working, so it needs to change, or you just accept this ridiculous situation will carry on for years🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

separate beds, separate rooms if possible.

read stories. Sleep.

a sleep over every night is madness.

Same here @OldGothsFadeToGrey . Mine are 5 and 3 and one day won't be arsed with their old mum. So now I am basking in the love (and neediness).

I agree 6:40 is very early for a 5 year old. Why not try shifting to 7pm focus on getting the little one to sleep first in his own room while the older one does something quiet like look at books or listen to stories in bed, then get him off to sleep when you’re done with the little one.

It’s sharing a bed.

also do you have black out blinds?

@SleepingStandingUphahaha I also threaten them that I am leaving when they play up..

Put the three year old to bed first while 5 year old plays quietly/reads.

My DD6 is taking ages to fall asleep too. A couple nights ago I went to bed at 11pm and she was still awake, I couldn’t believe it!

I have no advice or reasoning but know that you’re not alone!

6:40 is not too early to start bedtime routine for 3 and 5yr old.

Yes. This.

Omg the bed time is not early. We went up at 6:40 and were getting washed up, PJ’s, toilet etc. then stories, calming down. That takes time. I go up at 6:40 and hope they’ll be asleep by 7:20.

the little one absolutely must be asleep by 7:30 otherwise he cannot get up in the morning and is very upset. 5 year old could stay up until 8, but as bed time is together- she doesn’t.

they get up around 6:30.

as for sleeping in the same bed etc. it’s true that’s what’s making them mess around. I just don’t even know how to start go change that ! My 5 year old sometimes tries to sleep by herself but inevitably comes back in. They also come to our beds in the night. Which I have zero issue with.

i also don’t have an issue staying until they fall asleep. But they’re obviously not behaving, so something has to change.

But they’re not behaving?! I don’t think timing is your issue, I think your sleeping arrangements are. Up to you whether you want to do anything about it. 3 and 5 is more than old enough to be in their own rooms and own beds. Sure they might not like it but I’d almost guarantee you’ll have better sleep in the long run.

My two 7yr olds still go up at around 6:40 to start bedtime. Teeth, pyjamas, talk about their day a bit. Both do school reading, then choose books for their own reading. They’re asleep by 7:45-8ish. Sleep til 6:30-7:30. No issue.

At 3 and 5 they were 100% upstairs at that time.

Ime you may be dealing with some sibling resentment in future if the older dc is expected to always go at the same time as the younger one....

Well thank god nothing is final here then and it’s all a learning curve as they grow up huh !

….

in any case, the way my 5 year old is right now, she’d be unhappy if she was asked to play in another room / her room or be on her own while I put the little one to bed, so it’s a bit tricky. I’m sure one day that will all change, but that’s how she is at the moment.

As it seems the children are not the same sex, you are going to have to split them at some point. It really will be easier in the long run if you sort it now. You've admitted the older child is being put to bed early to suit the needs of the younger child, that is so wrong. You need to consider what is best for BOTH children. If the younger one must be asleep by 7.30pm then do be it but let the older one have their own bed and routine. You are just making life harder for yourself but you seem resistant to accept it is your fault you are in this situation. Get rid of the double bed as soon as.

They are not falling asleep because 6:40pm is still daytime! Way too early, especially in the summer.

But have you actually tried to do it separately, or are you just assuming your daughter won't like it?

Maybe they aren’t tired?

I’d say 6.40pm is too early, and they’d be better in separate beds.
My 6 yo goes up 7.20-7.30, brush teeth, wash face, story lying on floor with me or dh, in bed 7.45 & usually asleep by 8pm. We do lie in with her until then.
But I will say that on a few occasions the last couple of weeks she has still been awake and chatting (or trying to!) at 8.10, so by that point I tell her I’m going now, night night, love you and leave her to it. She has been getting up out of bed and playing in her room, a couple of nights not going to sleep until gone 9pm.
She went through a stage of doing this when she was a lot younger and hasn’t done it for a couple of years so it is odd. But that’s kids I guess!
Can only put it down to lighter eves and perhaps sleeping a little later in the morning because she’s going to sleep later (eg waking at 7.15 rather than 6.45).

I used to have to lie beside my 5 yo and it was destroying my mental health after a while. I started putting her to bed in her own room and I had to bribe her with a treat at the end of the week if she fell asleep every night for a week on her own. It worked and now she just goes to sleep after a story and stays in bed all night. My 3 year old also just goes straight to sleep now in his own room. It’s amazing having my evenings back. You could also try putting them in the same room in a bed each? Get them excited to pick out their bed covers etc

oh dear seriously- it is not ‘ so wrong ‘ that my daughter sleeps at 7:30 pm. It’s not a big deal and it’s good for her as well go get to sleep early. We are not yet at the point where she’s going to bed SOOO much earlier because of her brother. Honestly. Melodramatic or what.

@FluentRedPoetyeah I’ve tried.