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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter won’t come on holiday

525 replies

OneLilacPanda · 19/05/2025 13:14

I have planned a holiday for my family (me, husband, son and 2 daughters). We haven’t been away together for a number of years, so I was looking forward to this trip.

Everything was going fine until my daughter (25, youngest) asked to bring her partner. I don’t have anything against him, but this is a family holiday. I explained this to my daughter and she said she doesn’t want to come if she can’t bring her partner as she see’s him as family too. They’ve been together since she was 19, but live about 7 hours away so we don’t see them much.

my daughter is now saying she doesn’t want to come. AIBU for thinking she doesn’t need to do everything with him and she should still come on holiday?

OP posts:
RechargeableGnu · 19/05/2025 13:16

But you are there with your partner...maybe she'd like their company?

Suggest they come = they pay for themselves.

mixedcereal · 19/05/2025 13:16

I think you just have to accept her answer of not going and leave it at that. Causing a fuss because she doesn’t want to go without her partner will get you no where. You’ve offered something, she’s declined…that’s that.

although I do think you’re being unreasonable not inviting her partner when they’ve been together 6 years…

CuteOrangeElephant · 19/05/2025 13:16

YABU. She is 25, I'm guessing in work and wants to spend her annual leave with her partner.

At this age you can't make her. I wouldn't be impressed had my mother done the same and then proceeded to guilt trip me about it.

Rockfordpeach · 19/05/2025 13:16

I see your point but I think I would feel upset at my partner of 7 years not being considered 'family'and probably wouldn't go either

Needanadultgapyear · 19/05/2025 13:17

If they were married would you allow him to come?
After 7 years together and at the age of 25 I would consider him part of the family.

arethereanyleftatall · 19/05/2025 13:17

It is entirely up to her.

MoistVonL · 19/05/2025 13:17

If she lives with him, yes, you are being unreasonable. She’s been with this guy for 6 years, of course he’s her family.

Why would she want to use her annual leave on a holiday without the most important person to get?

Nursemumma92 · 19/05/2025 13:17

Rockfordpeach · 19/05/2025 13:16

I see your point but I think I would feel upset at my partner of 7 years not being considered 'family'and probably wouldn't go either

Yes this.

TwilightSkies · 19/05/2025 13:17

After 6 years I’d consider him family!

MellowPinkDeer · 19/05/2025 13:17

When your daughter is 25 you’re very unreasonable to expect her to want to holiday with you and without her partner!

W0tnow · 19/05/2025 13:18

I think at 25 most of us weren’t holidaying with parents. Honestly, we’ve had the kids’ friends come with us as it makes things easier. A boyfriend is accompanying us in a few weeks . Though it does come with added expense (meals out, etc).

Do they live together?

newuser9090 · 19/05/2025 13:18

After 6 years together I think it’s unreasonable not to invite him. This isn’t a new boyfriend and maybe you could use this time to get to know him. assuming they both work and have limited amount of holidays they can take in a year I wouldn’t expect her to go away without him.
if you don’t want him there fine, but I wouldn’t expect your daughter to come alone.

Communitywebbing · 19/05/2025 13:18

At the age of 25 and 6 years into a relationship, it would seem absolutely normal to me that her partner would be invited on a family holiday. Strange to exclude him. Would you have invited him if they were married?

BustingBaoBun · 19/05/2025 13:18

We have occasional family holidays but DC's partners always come. They live with them and it would be a bit mean to expect my DCs to waste their precious holiday entitlement just going on hols with their Mum and Dad and not their partners too!

Couchpotato3 · 19/05/2025 13:18

Would it be so bad to have your daughter's partner there as well? Isn't he now part of your family? Saying no to having him there is hardly going to set a good foundation for your relationship going forwards. Surely it's time to accept that your adult DD now comes as a package?

MyUmberSeal · 19/05/2025 13:18

They’ve been together 6 years, of course she would want him there.

jay55 · 19/05/2025 13:19

You expect a grown 25 year old woman to use her holiday allowance up for a holiday without her partner of 6 years?

ZenNudist · 19/05/2025 13:19

YABU

titchy · 19/05/2025 13:19

A family holiday should include your son in law. Do your older children not have partners?

mumonthehill · 19/05/2025 13:19

Ds 24 lives with his gf of 4 years and i would not expect him to come with us on holiday without her as she is part of our family. I think you dd is absolutely right to decline.

MsBette · 19/05/2025 13:20

How is her partner, who she’s been with for 6 years and presumably lives with, not family?

Summerbay23 · 19/05/2025 13:20

As everyone else has said YABU, she’s 25 and living with her partner for several years. He is her family now (albeit not officially married). It’s therefore up to her.

TomatoSandwiches · 19/05/2025 13:20

He is her chosen family at this point so I can see her pov, I wouldn't have left a long term boyfriend at home to holiday with my mum, dad and siblings.

TinyTempest · 19/05/2025 13:21

YABU, totally.

They're not kids anymore.

They have their own lives and relationships.

If you want to fit into their lives, you need to compromise and invite their partners if they wish them to come.

Starlight1984 · 19/05/2025 13:22

YABVU! I haven't even been with DH as long as your DD has been with her partner and I would be pretty upset if my in-laws asked DH on holiday but told him they didn't want me there as it was a "family" holiday!!!