Are parents of 'Trans' children aware of the damage of full affirmation?

[Iloverosesandcarnations]

All children go through a stage of who am I? Confusion etc.

Am I a boy, a girl, do I fit it etc.

The social contagion of affirmation of 'I'm in the wrong body, so need to change it' it IMO so damaging.

Talking through, understanding that all children go through 'who am I'
rather than initial blind affirmation and ok.lrts change your name, clothing etc tell school rush into changes young BEFORE maturation, is so dangerous.

The reason I mentioned this is having discussed a YP who's having counselling it's very apparent that parents rushing into being keen to support the change in gender caused immense damage.

Eg

Child boy, I think I'm in the wrong body, I don't play like other boys, like the same things etc etc
Parent, ok you can be a girl, you seem very girly, not typically boyish, then follow through.
Child feels they have confirmed they are 'wrong' circle continues and on it goes

It's very easy to look at it from an abstract point of view and decide what parents should and shouldn't be doing, it's very different to actually live it.

I’m in total agreement. If you go the discussion route some people think is akin to conversion therapy which is absolutely batshit crazy.

One of my daughters came to us at 13 saying she thought she could be non binary or trans. We discussed it several times and discussed gender norms and societal expectations and how none of those things made her the opposite sex and that she’d always remain female even if presenting as the opposite sex in gender norms.

Four years later she’s a confident (and autistic) girl who dresses however she pleases and acts as masculine or as feminine as she wants without the need to label herself or ask others to see her as something she wants to be viewed as.

I think a lot of this can be avoided with frank discussion and actually having the knowledge and the language to talk back to the claims which I think some parents really lack because they’ve just never had to think about it. The idea that societal and cultural norms change a reality beyond appearances is obviously nonsense.

You ask a good question.

Some parents are blackmailed by their kids or activists to say that their child is more likely to commit suicide if they don’t immediately affirm.

It was reported on the Feminism board last night that another UK Pride ad blatantly flouted all advertising guidelines on promotion of suicide and ran an ad implying the above suicide threat.

Sadly, the Samaritans who are usually quite hot on organisations promoting suicide, are captured by gender ideologists, so anyone promoting suicide as leverage around trans is given a free pass.

Some parents clearly like the idea of being special - see the splashes all over the tabloids and breakfast tv a few years ago with parents competing to have the youngest ‘trans’ child - I think they managed to get to a three yr old who wanted to wear comfy clothes like her twin brother (not the scratchy girly dresses) and didn’t like hair clips. Reading between the lines, her parents had such stereotypical requirements of their children, they were probably discouraging her from ‘boys’ games and fun stuff and telling her to play quietly and nicely like girls do.

Poor girl - she didn’t stand a chance.

YP described how once they started they struggled to go back, felt compelled to continue since parents affirmed the initial change of gender was correct.

So.with social contagion then society is creating a number of young people who are being damaged. Hence increasing numbers of stories around detransitioners, yp who realise their mistake on reaching adulthood or emotional maturity

Yes I agree, especially when lots of children appear to be saying the sane thing and you can see other parents 'supporting' the change of gender. You don't want to get it wrong.

We did all the discussions, worked with a neutral psychologist, consulted with their psychiatrist. Suicide was a very real risk at a few points.

My son is now my daughter and we're confident we did everything possible to explore the issues that led to her living as a woman.

It really isn't as simple as sitting down and chuntering on about your GC views. Your kid's not suddenly going to go oh so Glinner really is right about this shit.

This.

Imagine if you gone 'ok then, you're in the 'wrong' body, and followed that through to change at home, school, etc. Damaging.

I think sometimes it's old fashioned homophobia. Some parents IME still think effeminate boy = automatically gay. Which they don't want as a label.

I know one parent from DC primary school days who was thrilled her DS wanted to be a girl, because she had 4 boys, so she "finally got her girl one way in the end" - direct quote. (Remember it vividly as i just stood there open mouthed while the other mums clucked around her telling her how fabulous it was 🙄 had to walk away) Although I believe that boy did decide they were infact, just a gay male in the end according to DC who is in the same high school. Go figure.

I think it’s very easy to say that when it’s not you caring for the child. Generally parents want to do the best for their children and there’s a lot of affirmation only stuff out there. If you thought you were harming your child by not affirming their view of themself then of course you’re going to affirm their believed identity.

I'm interested to see what research their is to back this up? I don't think there's a lot of evidence that supporting a young person's expressed identity does any harm.

I worked with a lot of teens in my career. I've never known an adult to push a kid towards having a different gender expression, but my experience has been that teens who feel unconditionally accepted do best, whether they end up being trans or going back to their original gender expression.

I think this is scaremongering.

Never said it was as simple as 'chuntering on...... etc' ...

The misrepresentation of the suicide risk from activist groups is so shocking and I'd go so far as to call it evil.

I have a family member who transitioned and her parents supported the move, partly because of what they were told about the suicide risk.

She is now detransitioned but left with significant health problems as a result of taking Testosterone. She's off T now, but no one seems to be able to help with her health issues or tell her if they're likely to be permanent. It is terrible to see what's happened to her.

Well if they medically 'transition' then yes, it can do tremendous harm. She my post above.

https://segm.org/regret-detransition-rate-unknown#:~:text=It%20is%20therefore%20alarming%20that,significant%20methodological%20limitations%20outlined%20below.

I would suggest to you that there is no 'one size fits all' approach to these issues and that you don't actually know whether other people's children are 'just confused' or going through something much more significant. So probably best to leave this one to people who have taken some time to get their child the psychological and medical investigations necessary to know the difference, and are doing the best thing for their child in their particular circumstances.

So true
When i was 4,5,6 etc I wanted to be a boy, even down to - sorry - wanting a "nozzle" as we called them. But I grew out of it and by the time I was in my teens, that's the last thing I wanted. (I mean being a boy was the last thing! A nozzle might have been useful!)
But TG my parents didn't decide "oh she wants to be a boy!".

My daughter is in a relationship with a female who idenfies as a boy. We have taken their lead and use his preferred pronouns and name. He may decide that he isn't infact male. Teenage years are difficult, we're just supporting as we would support any healthy and respectful relationship. I admit that I'm not the parent, but we're pretty close to it. My daughter is happy. His parents have not been made aware that he wants to transition. I think he's scared of their reactions but they have accepted my daughter as his girlfriend so they're probably.so they're probably more accepting than he thinks

I think when children are very young this kind of approach is similar to Factitious disorder. Parents should not be transing children.

I understand it’s harder when they are teenagers. I have an autistic daughter and have tried my hardest to keep her away from gender ideology. She is so vulnerable to what I consider to be an almost cult.

"Accurate transition regret and detransition rates are unknown
Widespread methodological problems limit the reliability of “low transition regret” claims"

I guess needs years to pass. It might be very difficult to say a mistake was made when so many supported you to trans.

I agree. I spoke to an old friend recently who announced her dd was trans. She said “Have you seen X? She’s trans!” to which I replied “yes, I’ve seen her. She looks great - very much like I was at her age but cooler. I love her short hair and the fact she doesn’t buy into the “girls must have long hair/wear pretty colours” thing, but no, I didn’t immediately think “trans” because I just thought she had her own style”.
This friend has always been similar in style and not typically “feminine” so I can’t believe she’s bought into it either. The dd is obviously using binders, I’m just hoping she hasn’t already had surgery, because that breaks my heart.

I never went through an ‘am I a boy’ phase. What nonsense.

Can we move this to the transphobia board and not clog up AIBU with this shite?

So just because you didn't go through it no-one else did? Seriously?

Kids are being harmed by this. Time to wake up.

Op: everyone goes through it

me: I did not

show me where I said ‘no one goes through it’

Well I think your reference to it as 'this shite' makes it clear what you think of the OP's point, no?