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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH upset that I'm getting a tattoo

304 replies

PoppyCornCob · 19/05/2025 10:34

So to put into perspective, I'm not only the breadwinner in the family but I'm also the one who does all the "traditional" things that wives do at home apart from the cooking because I suck at it. I only take on that role when my DH isn't at home.

I work 50+ hours a week, 5 full time night shifts on top of doing 2 part time HK jobs during the day (2 days at a hotel and another 2 days with the agency). I don't work weekends because I look after our DS and the house while DH is at work. DH is a chef and works 40-45hrs each week. When he gets home, he looks after our son and cooks but that is generally it. Very rarely does he tidy up/clean the house, does the chores, feed the cat, and do admin. I do all of that. When asked, he says he will do it but always prolongs things hence I do it in the end (then he gets annoyed that I didn't let him do it).

We have separate bank accounts. All the big bills comes out of my pocket and the smaller bills comes out of his. At the moment, we are saving up for a trip to America but I have also been setting money aside for a tattoo session to treat myself for working my ass off. When I told him about it, he got very annoyed and he said that he himself would like to get a tattoo but he isn't doing so because we are saving up for the trip to America.

I told him that I'm using my own personal money for this tattoo because quite frankly, it's deserve a break. However, i offered to give him my tattoo money to get his done but he said don't bother. I don't intend to cancel my tattoo session because my DH has gotten annoyed with me but is it unreasonable of me to not take a break? I'm purely running on adrenaline every week and im super exhausted each time I get home. Like, is it wrong for me to get this tattoo for myself?

OP posts:
Fruitbat99 · 23/05/2025 00:31

Based on your responses, you're not only unreasonable but also very rude.

Oh and do you drive to work? As you could kill someone driving that sleep deprived.

Fruitbat99 · 23/05/2025 00:36

bramblefoot · 21/05/2025 22:10

'These posters' - me then. I think in this context where the OP is working herself to the bone effectively doing overtime with a partner that does feck all at home and no overtime himself, that it's conceivably fine to use her own money for something relatively small without him kicking off, having a tantrum and guilting her into submission because he feels entitled to a tattoo from her pocket as well. The sex of the individual makes no difference to my dim view of that at all. It isn't "dictating" anything to spend a very small percentage of ones own separate finances on something and tell another adult (that already does quite well out of the arrangement and isn't functioning as a decent partner to boot) that this time they can save up for their own or do their own overtime.

If anything it's OP's male partner who is using emotionally manipulative tactics to get her to make decisions about her money (because he clearly thinks she should have paid for both of them to get a tattoo). If my DP as the higher earner calls to say he's going out for a meal with his mates and i take the position that I wouldn't mind a meal out actually so will try and get him to fund mine out of 'fairness' and tried to ruin it for him to boot because he didn't offer originally i'd hope to god someone would tell me to stop being so bloody awful. Needless to say it would never come to that because I would simply save up/take extra work and pay for myself, because I'm his partner not his dependent.

He doesn't do feck all. He looks after their child and he does the cooking.

Laurmolonlabe · 23/05/2025 09:33

You are not safe to be driving, working heavy machinery, looking after a child or even crossing the road on 2 hours sleep- I know I've done it (4 years of serious insomnia) you are ruining your health-it is just a matter of time before you break down or are seriously injured because your brain cannot function on 2 hours sleep.

Missj25 · 23/05/2025 10:47

Fruitbat99 · 23/05/2025 00:36

He doesn't do feck all. He looks after their child and he does the cooking.

They don’t half read the posts ..
He doesn’t do any overtime !.. He works a full week , is that not enough now to be working 🙄…
OP herself needs to STOP working the way she is working..
I know she is doing her best , it’s not sustainable & something will happen to her , I’m saying that very kindly..

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