DH upset that I'm getting a tattoo

[PoppyCornCob]

So to put into perspective, I'm not only the breadwinner in the family but I'm also the one who does all the "traditional" things that wives do at home apart from the cooking because I suck at it. I only take on that role when my DH isn't at home.

I work 50+ hours a week, 5 full time night shifts on top of doing 2 part time HK jobs during the day (2 days at a hotel and another 2 days with the agency). I don't work weekends because I look after our DS and the house while DH is at work. DH is a chef and works 40-45hrs each week. When he gets home, he looks after our son and cooks but that is generally it. Very rarely does he tidy up/clean the house, does the chores, feed the cat, and do admin. I do all of that. When asked, he says he will do it but always prolongs things hence I do it in the end (then he gets annoyed that I didn't let him do it).

We have separate bank accounts. All the big bills comes out of my pocket and the smaller bills comes out of his. At the moment, we are saving up for a trip to America but I have also been setting money aside for a tattoo session to treat myself for working my ass off. When I told him about it, he got very annoyed and he said that he himself would like to get a tattoo but he isn't doing so because we are saving up for the trip to America.

I told him that I'm using my own personal money for this tattoo because quite frankly, it's deserve a break. However, i offered to give him my tattoo money to get his done but he said don't bother. I don't intend to cancel my tattoo session because my DH has gotten annoyed with me but is it unreasonable of me to not take a break? I'm purely running on adrenaline every week and im super exhausted each time I get home. Like, is it wrong for me to get this tattoo for myself?

We need to see a sketch/design of the tattoo.

Your part time day job is 2 days a week, not 5.

Your night time shifts are 5 days a week.

What work are you doing?

Why can't there be? My ex-husband and I both worked full-time, and I earned over twice what he did.

Probably a mug of coffee

Tattoos are minging. And your working pattern is insane. I would worry more about fixing that than faffing about on holidays and stupid tattoos.

Why not wait til you're in the States for your tattoo? I can recommend a few artists in NY and LA, if you're interested.

Plus the heavy metal toxicity

The tattoo is surely a red herring. The ridiculous working hours to save for a holiday they can't afford is the issue.
Camp in the UK op and reduce your hours.

Agree with this. I would be worried about how safe you are to drive on this little sleep .

Of course you do, you are working am ridiculous number of hours. How long have you been working these hours?

Because OP said she does housekeeping jobs working shifts, which are paid around minimum wage. I understand chefs get decent money, so her phrasing seemed odd.

P.S. When I was with my EXDP I earned almost 3 times what he did, and he was a higher rate taxpayer, however I wouldn’t have described myself the only breadwinner. He earned well too, as OP’s DH seems to. Very confusing post.

why are you paying the "big bills"? and what does the fact you work 50 hrs a week or go to bed at 9 pm has to do with wanting a tattoo?

Yes. I think the sleep deprivation is obviously showing!

OP isn't working the hours some posters think.

She's explained it badly.

Elsewhere she's explained that she works day time 2 days a week and nights 5 days a week.

So she's not getting 2 hrs sleep every day.

No you are not unreasonable, you work more hours than him, have very little sleep and do 70-80% of household stuff.

I think though the tattoo is just the tip of the iceberg - you have more pressing issues about tackling your lazy arse husband do to more around the house and why you need to work night and day jobs - when actually extreme tiredness is a real health risk. He needs to be told to step up, then get the tattoo, then think about what else you can do to offload or outsource the daily drudgery e.g cleaning/ ironing.

You get 2 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period Monday to Friday? Is that correct?

You consider sitting in a tattoo artist's chair to be 'getting a break'?

Why not have a break by consistently sleeping for 6 to 8 hours a day first? Then revisit the whole tattoo versus America trip after a few months.

And fortunately the wall stays the same size and will remain smooth and flat. The same can’t be said for most bodies that will get lumpier and dumpier as the years go by.

Well, she's clearly not in the best place.

No. See her other threads about working day time for 2 days a week and nights for 5 .

Tattoos are very chavvy and a way of extracting money out of the poor who can least afford them. Aim higher than that.

Rage baiting is very chavvy and a way of extracting attention out of people who would otherwise be indifferent to your existence. Aim higher than that @Zebedee999

If you both have some personal money then, of course, you can choose to spend yours on a tattoo. If you both agreed that all money left over (after paying household bills) was for savings/holiday fund then you're less reasonable. How long have you been saving for, as you only have half what you need for your planned trip?

Your working hours are ridiculous. How can you survive on 2 hours sleep a night for 4/5 days a week?

I think I speak for most of us who are inked when I say we genuinely do not care what they will look like when they are wrinkly.

Imagine, "oh noes, I'm 67 and my skin is wrinkly on my arms, that small number of people who thought I'd care are right, my tattoo looks shit now when I wear a boob tube" 😂

OP, this is no way to live. Nobody can be well on 2 hours sleep. The tattoo is the least of your problems.

But why don't you care? I've seen older people with tattoos and they just look daft.
I literally judge anyone I see who has one. For example, the nice lady in the pharmacy serving you moves fo reveal a silly drawing on her arm it's just cringeworthy. Kind of gives a snapshot of someone's common sense and critical thinking skills imo

As does your comment