DH upset that I'm getting a tattoo

[PoppyCornCob]

So to put into perspective, I'm not only the breadwinner in the family but I'm also the one who does all the "traditional" things that wives do at home apart from the cooking because I suck at it. I only take on that role when my DH isn't at home.

I work 50+ hours a week, 5 full time night shifts on top of doing 2 part time HK jobs during the day (2 days at a hotel and another 2 days with the agency). I don't work weekends because I look after our DS and the house while DH is at work. DH is a chef and works 40-45hrs each week. When he gets home, he looks after our son and cooks but that is generally it. Very rarely does he tidy up/clean the house, does the chores, feed the cat, and do admin. I do all of that. When asked, he says he will do it but always prolongs things hence I do it in the end (then he gets annoyed that I didn't let him do it).

We have separate bank accounts. All the big bills comes out of my pocket and the smaller bills comes out of his. At the moment, we are saving up for a trip to America but I have also been setting money aside for a tattoo session to treat myself for working my ass off. When I told him about it, he got very annoyed and he said that he himself would like to get a tattoo but he isn't doing so because we are saving up for the trip to America.

I told him that I'm using my own personal money for this tattoo because quite frankly, it's deserve a break. However, i offered to give him my tattoo money to get his done but he said don't bother. I don't intend to cancel my tattoo session because my DH has gotten annoyed with me but is it unreasonable of me to not take a break? I'm purely running on adrenaline every week and im super exhausted each time I get home. Like, is it wrong for me to get this tattoo for myself?

Breadwinner means earning the most not earning all of the household income

Yeah sure. Keep telling yourself that

Her OH is unreasonable if he’s demanding or encouraging this but if it’s OP’s own decision I can’t see how he’s responsible or could stop her. It sounds as if OP is doing this willingly, if she’s being pressured and can’t say no she needs to either just say no or LTB. It’s madness anyway, holidays and tattoos aren’t needed, sleep and family time are.

Do you work in a care home / travel lodge set up where you can nap ........

I don't understand how you're able to hold your phone to post. You're on two hours sleep a night during the week? How is this sustainable? Why are you working literally night and day? Are funds THAT tight and if so how on earth are you spending thousands on a trip abroad?

I don't see how this lifestyle is sustainable.

Are you seriously saying you sleep 2 hours out of every 24, for 5 days a week? I'm not sure this is even physically possible.

OP get the tattoo, you are working your ass off. Yes you deserve a"break". Also enjoy your holiday then please just do one job.💕

Put your money into the holiday savings pot - that is what will give you 'a break'. A tattoo will give you ..... a tattoo. And FFS sort your working life out - you are working crazy hours that are not good for your well being.

Your money, your choice

Not sure why OP is getting grief. She earns her own money, she can treat herself if she lies, she doesn’t need permission? She earns good money, works long hours and wants something nice for herself.

As for tattoos being ‘a break’….I quite enjoy a tattoo session, I don’t find it painful so some time in the chair is a break?

OP, get the tattoo, you don’t need to ask for his permission.

You can't afford a tattoo or a trip to America. Stop being daft, cut down your hours and sleep like a human being.

you have humiliated him by out earning him and so he has to punish/put you back in your place you by making you obey him over the tattoo

It's a wonder op isn't hallucinating through sleep deprivation.

Christ on a bike, some people on here are either deliberately missing the point or just thick.
Aside from the fact that, yes those hours are clearly crazy (but that’s not what you are looking for comments on)…….of course you should get the tattoo if you can afford it and it doesn’t affect your ability to save for the holiday.

When all you other posters who are slating the OP are saving for something, does that mean you all never buy yourself a treat? Must all money ever earned that isn’t going on essentials be ploughed into the savings? Clearly the OP feels it can be afforded without affecting the holiday?

You do have somewhat bigger problems though OP in your crazy working hours and the unequal division of labour in the house.

Also, you might be the bigger earner but my understanding of the term breadwinner is that that person earns all the money. Or are chefs badly paid?

Yes this about sums it up.

Health Kare?

Shame you didn't learn to accept people for who they are without being so judgemental .

The unsociable hours as you’re working two jobs, I get it (not personally but my husband has worked on two hours sleep for days straight- sometimes because he has sleep issues, sometimes because one bit of work ends at 6am and the next 14 hour day starts at 8am.) in his industry it happens a lot, as opposed to being two different jobs. It’s fucking horrible way to live and I hope you’re okay.

You’re not unreasonable to get a tattoo at all, but I also think that people are right when they say that you need to look after yourself. It catches up on you and even if you can crack on and do it, it really takes its toll on your body. You can’t have nothing to make you happy and keep you going while looking forward to a distant holiday, just get the tattoo.

Tbh if I was working 7am - 3pm, 2hrs sleep then starting work again at 9pm - ? I'd hope I'd have enough money to not need a savings pot for a tattoo

Housekeeping.

My take away from this is your relationship needs some work-you have a child together why don't you have a joint bank account and pay for things equally? Have a separate "fun" account for spoiling yourself with. It sounds like he is jealous you are spending money on yourself, which is a red flag-for the whole relationship.
You are definitely working too many hours, 2 hours sleep is nowhere near enough, no wonder you want to treat yourself. You need at least 6 hours sleep a night for it to be sustainable, or you will make yourself seriously ill.
Forget about tattoos and trips to the US and stop killing yourself.

No YANBU if you want to get a tattoo, regardless of how many hours you work, no need to justify it.

It isn’t enough sleep for physical and mental health to have 2 hours a day sleep - and how can you be fully productive in either job on a deficit?

Not surprisingly people have focused on that. Fuck “saving for America” (when Americans are currently leaving in droves!) your work life balance is inhumane.

Depends on the cost for me, the cost of the America trip and the tattoo.
We are saving for a big purchase right now, I still treat myself to the odd small thing, under £100 say. If it's a big tattoo and is costing a lot I can see your husbands point. If it's smallish and relatively inexpensive and the holiday is a fortune (when we went to America it was around 10k because of theme park tickets, long haul flights etc). The reality is £75 on a tattoo vs 6k required savings isn't a big impact and seems a reasonable small /personal treat. However, if it's maybe £500 for the tattoo (no idea what they cost tbh, i guess it's size and quality dependent) and you're aiming to save maybe 5k, that's 10% of potential savings going on something just for you....
To me that seems a bit much and unfair that he's not getting anything personal from his money.

'These posters' - me then. I think in this context where the OP is working herself to the bone effectively doing overtime with a partner that does feck all at home and no overtime himself, that it's conceivably fine to use her own money for something relatively small without him kicking off, having a tantrum and guilting her into submission because he feels entitled to a tattoo from her pocket as well. The sex of the individual makes no difference to my dim view of that at all. It isn't "dictating" anything to spend a very small percentage of ones own separate finances on something and tell another adult (that already does quite well out of the arrangement and isn't functioning as a decent partner to boot) that this time they can save up for their own or do their own overtime.

If anything it's OP's male partner who is using emotionally manipulative tactics to get her to make decisions about her money (because he clearly thinks she should have paid for both of them to get a tattoo). If my DP as the higher earner calls to say he's going out for a meal with his mates and i take the position that I wouldn't mind a meal out actually so will try and get him to fund mine out of 'fairness' and tried to ruin it for him to boot because he didn't offer originally i'd hope to god someone would tell me to stop being so bloody awful. Needless to say it would never come to that because I would simply save up/take extra work and pay for myself, because I'm his partner not his dependent.

Well OP , I can’t get past 2 hours sleep Monday to Friday !!!!!
WTF ! How are you Alive ? That’s mental ..
Really, Really bad for your health..
You won’t see any of America because you will be sound asleep for the duration of the trip 😴