DH upset that I'm getting a tattoo

[PoppyCornCob]

So to put into perspective, I'm not only the breadwinner in the family but I'm also the one who does all the "traditional" things that wives do at home apart from the cooking because I suck at it. I only take on that role when my DH isn't at home.

I work 50+ hours a week, 5 full time night shifts on top of doing 2 part time HK jobs during the day (2 days at a hotel and another 2 days with the agency). I don't work weekends because I look after our DS and the house while DH is at work. DH is a chef and works 40-45hrs each week. When he gets home, he looks after our son and cooks but that is generally it. Very rarely does he tidy up/clean the house, does the chores, feed the cat, and do admin. I do all of that. When asked, he says he will do it but always prolongs things hence I do it in the end (then he gets annoyed that I didn't let him do it).

We have separate bank accounts. All the big bills comes out of my pocket and the smaller bills comes out of his. At the moment, we are saving up for a trip to America but I have also been setting money aside for a tattoo session to treat myself for working my ass off. When I told him about it, he got very annoyed and he said that he himself would like to get a tattoo but he isn't doing so because we are saving up for the trip to America.

I told him that I'm using my own personal money for this tattoo because quite frankly, it's deserve a break. However, i offered to give him my tattoo money to get his done but he said don't bother. I don't intend to cancel my tattoo session because my DH has gotten annoyed with me but is it unreasonable of me to not take a break? I'm purely running on adrenaline every week and im super exhausted each time I get home. Like, is it wrong for me to get this tattoo for myself?

Yes true I do have excellent critical thinking skills and lots of common sense, thanks!

What d’you usually argue about?

I just dont 😊 it's pretty liberating reaching a certain age and not giving a shit what people think. Judging seems like a strange waste of mental energy, particularly when the other person would likely really not care in the slightest what you think, but you do you!

I literally judge anyone I see who has one.

Great. So?

No one cares about your opinion. You are allowed to be judgey/ shocked/ offended as much a you like, it doesn't matter and has no impact on anyone else. But thank you for sharing.

This isn't about a tattoo. Let's be honest, they're so mainstream now, they're hardly edgy or alternative! Her skin, her choice.
It's really about other significant problems here, not least working patterns.

You don't need a tattoo or a holiday. You need to work less before you make yourself ill.

Depends, there’s no issue spending your own spare money on whatever you want but have you both said you will put all spare money away for the trip, is he putting more in to saving than you as you are saving for the tattoo as well?

2 hours sleep a day, hmm I call BS.

For which there is just as much evidence that too much sleep is a factor as well as too little.

I know not the point of this thread but it has really made me chuckle!!

If you are existing on 2 hours a sleep from
Mon-Fri then this is not sustainable and how are you managing it?

As regards the tattoo, YANBU. If you want it, just get it - but I don’t understand why getting it would be a break 🤔

Yes and a fair division of domestic labour.

It is not just my opnion, believe me many if not most people without tattoos think it.

It'd be like say in the 80s when mullets were fashionable getting one and then keeping it for ever. Trends and styles change, what you like the look of in your 20s you absolutely do not in your 30s, 40s etc. I saw a woman with a full leg (is it called a 'trouser' like a 'sleeve'?) Just looked like she had terrible circulation and vaccy veins tbh.

There's just so much wrong here that it's difficult to know where to start.

It sounds like a miserable existence to say the least. Does your child even see their parents at all?

OP, why are you working so many hours and not sleeping properly?

I thought you husband is upset that you want a have a tattoo on your body but its the money he is upset about?

Do you mean you only sleep 2 hours in the evening? You work from 7am to 3pm and 9pm to 6am Monday to Friday?????? So you’re working 17 hours a day?????

when will you have time to get a tattoo????

I don’t see how getting a tattoo is taking a break (unless you’re taking time off to get a tattoo).

This level of sleep deprivation (2 hours sleep a night) has the same effect on your brain as being really quite drunk. You can't care for a toddler, drive or work in this state!

Yes, you should be able to get a tattoo, but other posters are totally right, you need to sleep more than this.

He's not "upset you are getting a tattoo" though. He is clearly upset that you are treting yourself to a luxury while you (as a couple) are trying to save big bucks to go on a holiday you can't afford.

Though I have to agree with virtually everyone else that what you are doing to your mental health, your marital relationship, your relationship with your child, and your long term health, by trying to work and 8 hour shift, then, after just 2 hours sleep, go to a 2nd job and work another 9 hours.

There is far too much irrelevant information here. It doesn't matter how much you work or what non essential thing is that you want to spend your money on.

At a time where you have both agreed to save for something, you want to spend money on something else. Yes, you probably are being unreasonable but you've got much bigger problems that neither purchase will fix.

YABU
If that is your daily life which I very much doubt is the whole truth - it is unsustainable and doesn’t sound like a healthy environment for your son… microwave meals every night, burned out parent juggling multiple jobs, parents arguing with each other about household spending and tattoos.

Maybe it’s time to stop being selfish parents and work as a team for a more healthy and sustainable family dynamic - rather than focusing on body art ambitions and expensive USA holidays 🙄

This post would have been much clearer if you put:

We both work extremely long hours and financially contribute to bills (no single breadwinner) and a separate savings pot for a big holiday we want to go on. We then transfer an amount each per month to spend personally and from that I’ve saved enough for a tattoo. DH is upset I’m using this on a tattoo and thinks it should go in the holiday savings pot. He could also save his personal pot for a tattoo but hasn’t. AIBU?

If you’d cut out all the unnecessary detail, there’d be alot less judging and it would be far more clear cut. If it is as above, your not being unreasonable

Did ye, aye? This makes no sense. I smell 💩

You have far bigger issues going on here than a tattoo. I don't even know where to start...

Your lifestyle is unsustainable, for your child and for your own mental and physical health. Your priorities are all wrong - for your child's sake if not your own - if this pattern of work is all for a trip to America.

People are being deliberately obtuse here @PoppyCornCob

of course it’s fine for you to get a tattoo with your own money. DH can save up himself.

You're focusing on the wrong thing however… and that should be how to stop your husband from being a lazy arse.

This. Sorry but it’s cobblers.

This is obvious nonsense and the people saying “but you’ll burn yourself out!” and “what about the long term health consequences?!” are being way too credulous. No one could live a week on this schedule, genuinely. Sleep deprivation to this extent would actually be rapidly fatal or, at the milder end, result in a catastrophic mental breakdown. Like within a week. Looking after a baby is NOT the same as the made up nonsense the OP is claiming.