To be absolutely fed up of toddler?

[fedupmomm]

I am so fed up of my toddler, I don’t know what else to do.

OH works 7 days a week and does not help me with anything apart from give me money.

Toddler will not eat unless he has something to play with.
Screams constantly all the time when in the high chair.

Refuses to sleep in his cot.
Brushing his teeth is a big battle.

I am just so fed up.
I don’t have any time for myself at all, the last time I went to the hair dressers was in 2023.

OH is just awful and says because I am a mother this is what I signed up for.

Because he has never looked after DC on his own he really does not know or understand how hard it is.

I regret having him so bad and I hate feeling like this.

I don’t have depression I am just fed up, I am tired, I am frustrated from the lack of help and support from OH.

Because I feel like this OH says “Wow you have a beautiful son and you feel like this?”
He just dosent understand.

His life has stayed the same, he works, he see’s his friends, he goes out, he goes on holiday.

Since DC was 8 months old I have asked him to do more, but to no avail.

I just don’t know what to do anymore.
My parents live close and they do see me but I don’t want to ask them for help as they have their own problems with health.

AIBU to feel like this?

You need to leave him, do it before you get pregnant again and you're trapped forever. You technically have your own house so you're in a fortunate position, put DC in nursery for two mornings a week so you can get some sanity and head space back. See if you can talk to a women's refuge type group to help you plan your escape from this abusive man

It sounds like you really shouldn't give up your home for this man, he sounds horrible. If it's a nice safe place for your child and close to family, I think you'd be better letting the partner go. Take care of yourself and your lovely toddler

He’s really not a very nice person (OH). This control will only continue to escalate as time goes by.
Your current set up, and the support offered by your parents sounds lovely, if we take OH out of the equation. You might also find that your DC’s behaviour is toddler + OH influence. If he’s shouting a lot, DC will be learning this as a way to communicate.

Do not give up your house no matter what. You have a huge amount of power in this situation, even if you don't feel you do, because you have your own home under your name. You also have supportive parents.

I would proceed with the separation and continue seeking emotional support etc from your parents. If you want to reconcile with your partner that's fine, but do it at a distance. This isn't a good situation for you to be living in.

I M puzzled by people who suggest divorce in the uk. Have you spoken with a divorce lawyer in this country? The dad has not duty of care for their kid, they can decide to see them a few hours a month of even zero and this is ok. Unlike many other places in the world where a father is legally obliged to spend a good amount of time with their kids in the uk is not like that. On top of it the CSM in the UK is very very low. It is a small fraction of the father earning. So the OP is a SAHM she will get a pittance in child maintenance. If she is not wealthy, has wealthy parents etc she would need to find a job to pay for rent, plus nursery plus all expenses and she will be poor, like v poor. Why would she divorce him?! Again in many countries this is not the case and if the couple has decided one parent stays home and sacrificies their career the other parent pay child and spouse maintenance and the stay at home parent can keep on staying at home if they want. The uk divorce law do not protect poor stay at home parents, she should not divorce if she is not wealthy as she will struggle double working full time, raising the kid alone and counting every penny. She can forget any holidays!

Universal credit will cover 85% of nursery fees, top up wages (can early £30k and still receive some as a single parent), give things like reduced council tax, housing benefit etc if a single parent is a low earner. Unless the husband is a high earner many aren't actually that much worse off.

You’re going to need to be strong. He will do everything in his power to keep control over you, and will get nasty.

He will also hate and blame your parents.

You're lucky your parents are supportive. They can see through him and will help you.

Do not give up your house.

You feel like that about your toddler because you resent your partner, and can’t take it out on him / discuss it. So how you feel manifests in a different way (towards your toddler).

Been there. Left. Now very happy.

Good luck x

So basically if I put DC in nursery he will reduce my money by 75%.

But that's fine (not ethically, obviously, but practically), because you can get a job.

He really is objecting to DC going to nursery based on safety grounds.

No, he is objecting to your child going to nursery because having you without an independent income allows him to have more control over you.

@Whoknowshere- do you actually know anything at all about the UK?!?

He is trying to control you. I would be seriously thinking about ending this relationship before he has completely trapped you. At the very least please speak to Women's Aid to get some impartial and professional advice on your situation

Don't give up your house. Give up your OH

He sounds like a vile controlling bully

I am going through the process now. In London. My husband does not want to spend time with the kids and I am being told there is nothing I can do. The maintenance I will get us 20% of his salary. You can use the calculator. While before to cover expenses etc etc he would use 80% of his salary. I M talking with gingerbread the charity that helps single parents, the amount of women that ended up in poverty after divorce is crazy… I am shocked ppl do not scream about it, the law is very very unfair on the main caregiver of kids who does not work, in cases where assets are not present.

I agree with you re maintenance. That the non-resident parent doesn't have to contribute towards childcare costs is appalling. However, in this case, OP isn't married, the house they live in is her HA property, her OH is obstructing her from earning money of her own, if her income is low UC will help with childcare costs so that she can work and her parents has also offered to help with childcare costs. If she stays with this abusive man he will buy a home in a rough area, force OP to leave her lovely HA property and she will become entirely dependent on him whilst having nothing that is in her name. Her situation is very different from yours and she would benefit both mentally and financially from not being with this controlling man.

Ok @Whoknowsherebut in this particular case, the op actually wants to work as she needs a break from parenting. Universal credit is available too, free childcare too for workers.

Do not give up your house. Take your parents very generous offer of paying a childminder and getting you a car so that you can get away from your partner. Your parents likely know he's trying to control you, so let them help you. Get your freedom back. You'll be a far happier mother once you get some control back in your life.

You sound like your doing the right thing this man sounds awful and getting other women to back him up is just awful.

my great niece was much easier at one than she is at two totally different ball game at 2 yo.

“His life has stayed the same, he works, he see’s his friends, he goes out, he goes on holiday.” Unbelievable!!! I would divorce him. You might as well be alone since he’s useless.

He sounds abusive and highly manipulative. Good for you for holding firm on your house. Why should he be rewarded with a house deposit?

It's wild how he resists you having any support, even if he's not the one providing it.

Hi all
Things are so much better today, DC has been very calm today, I took him out to a baby class today and he loved it.

I think he probably is a bit bored so I have began arranging things to do to keep him entertained and happy in the week.

I notice DC only starts the screaming when he is in the high chair so I have ordered one of those boaster seats so he can eat next to me and see if that helps.

I feel a lot happier today and I realise I wasn’t frustrated with DC but with OH’s lack of support and help.
Last few weeks I haven’t been feeling the best and with the lack of sleep and help it had just taken its toll.

The help with childcare will defo be a massive help and I am very grateful that my parents have offered to pay for this.

Its amazing how with him not coming back last night and my mom staying over how happy and refreshed I feel.

How lovely! This could be your new every day life if you decide to get rid of the abusive partner. They really do drag you down all the time even if it's not always completely clear that it's happening. The constant disrespect and negging will have acted like a dark cloud over you. The people who love you are your son and your family, not the partner.

He is extremely selfish and manipulative! what a disgusting bully. I’m glad you’re seeing him for what he is: a taker.

Please make all your future decisions based on what is best for YOU and completely discount his needs from the equation. No matter what he says to you, he does not show any care towards you in his actions and actions are so much more important than words!

You don’t have a child problem you have a husband problem. He sounds selfish and unsupportive so no wonder you’re exhausted. I have almost 3 yo twins and yep they are exhausting. But I cope because my partner is so helpful and hands on when he’s here. You are never getting a break by the sounds of it. You really need to reach out for help if you have anyone willing because you sound so burnt out.

OH needs to leave. This is not a partnership and you have extremely different views on your future life goals. If you get a mortgage with him you'll be trapped.

Your partner is the problem, not your toddler. Maybe if dad was around more it would create a better environment. You would be less stressed and get time for yourself and more importantly, your toddler wouldn’t be feeding off your anxiety and playing up because that’s what kids do. You need to tell your husband to step up. Your life has changed significantly and for him to crack on as normal isn’t right. He should be respectful of you, not using you as a house keeper and child rearer. He doesn’t sound like a nice person. If he was he would be available. No need to work 7 days a week. He’s taking the piss out of you. You deserve so much better.

Typical two year old. You have to grin and bear it for a while.