To be absolutely fed up of toddler?

[fedupmomm]

I am so fed up of my toddler, I don’t know what else to do.

OH works 7 days a week and does not help me with anything apart from give me money.

Toddler will not eat unless he has something to play with.
Screams constantly all the time when in the high chair.

Refuses to sleep in his cot.
Brushing his teeth is a big battle.

I am just so fed up.
I don’t have any time for myself at all, the last time I went to the hair dressers was in 2023.

OH is just awful and says because I am a mother this is what I signed up for.

Because he has never looked after DC on his own he really does not know or understand how hard it is.

I regret having him so bad and I hate feeling like this.

I don’t have depression I am just fed up, I am tired, I am frustrated from the lack of help and support from OH.

Because I feel like this OH says “Wow you have a beautiful son and you feel like this?”
He just dosent understand.

His life has stayed the same, he works, he see’s his friends, he goes out, he goes on holiday.

Since DC was 8 months old I have asked him to do more, but to no avail.

I just don’t know what to do anymore.
My parents live close and they do see me but I don’t want to ask them for help as they have their own problems with health.

AIBU to feel like this?

OH is just awful and says because I am a mother this is what I signed up for

You're also a partner. You didn't sign up for a nasty, avoidant twat who actively neglects his child to punish you.

Could you afford a couple of half days with a child minder? My friend did this, it was a lifesaver for her.

So whose name is on the HA tenancy amd what does he actually bring to this awful relationship op. You don't need him to pay a mortgage so just get shot.
Honestly he sounds absolutely horrible.

You need to speak to the HA and see what the situation would be if you split. Unless your OH adds anything to your life and it doesn't sound as though he does, end it. It doesn't matter what anyone else is happy with, you get to decide your life. Your toddler goes to nursery, no arguments from him, unless he is going to step up. Ask your Mum what she can help with and take any help offered. He might step up for a while, but don't be fooled and don't be surprised if he starts chatting a second baby.

Apologies, I hadn't seen him refusing childcare when I wrote my first post.

Now all of a sudden he wants to leave work early and come and help, I really don’t get him.

Oh that’s an easy one.
He KNOWS it’s not ok to leave with all the burden to carry but he doesn’t have an issue to blame you and guilt trip you, making you feel like a failure etc…
But god forbid that someone else SEES he is useless and don’t lift a finger! It would tarnish his image of the goof father who is working his arse off but cares so much about his family.
So he is there present when it counts (for him). Eg if your family visits.

Also of he is there, you can’t talk as a freely can’t you?

This. HA housing is like gold dust. He can save up for a house, he can live there, by himself.

And YY about not giving up your HA house.

You have a house. More importantly you have safe housing in a nice area. Dint let him take that away from you (He knows very well it isn’t his and he’d loose it you were to separate. Plus that it will make it harder for you to leave if you want to)

If anything THIS has to be the hill you’ll die on.

I'm so glad you have family around you. Def sort out the nursery place. It will give you space to breathe.
As pp said, speak to the HO about your rights to the house if you split.
If he comes home when your family are there today, I would suggest you leave DC with him at home and go out for coffee with your family. He'll probably be less likely to kick off with other people there.
As far as his friends' partners saying how easy childcare is: if his friends are anything like him they may not dare say anything else.

Agree. I really hope you find the courage to get rid of this manipulative man.

This is abuse. He is absolutely awful and is treating you like a slave. You deserve to be treated with respect, and you need a break. get rid for good, he will never change, because he is doing this deliberately.

I had 3 under 3 at one point, and my DH was pretty involved with them. If he'd been like Op's other half, I'd have done the same as your Mum.
Sometimes it takes a drastic move for things to change.
OP, next time your other half tells you you have a wonderful son point out that so does he, and when is he going to start caring for him, and treating you as an equal human being?

and don't give up your HA tenancy, they are secure tenancies and usually much cheaper to rent than private landlords.

I would say the majority of men agree to have a kid to keep the woman happy. If it was solely their decision, not many would want to be fathers.

You don’t have a toddler problem, you have a DP problem. He’s an arse. You said it yourself, he doesn’t appreciate how hard it is because he’s never looked after him alone before. Maybe suggest you have a weekend away with friends and he looks after your son. If his attitude hasn’t changed when you get back it’s time to split.

This is absolutely a partner issue and nothing to do with your lovely baby, so try and remember that, toddlers pick up on energy and it's not your child's fault he's got a horrid dad.
Your posts just make me think "there's no relationship here". You don't seem to spend any time together as he works and socialises separately from you, you seem to have no time as a family for the same reason, and he also has no relationship with his child. You write as if you don't love this man at all.
Honestly, I'd focus on independence, get your LO into nursery and apply for jobs, become yourself again, you clearly don't enjoy just being at home and if you've a job you can easily leave. Then you can live where you want, work where and when you want, collect your child maintenance and build a positive relationship with your little one.
I think whilst he pays for everything you're a bit stuck.
Try and focus on the fact this is a parenting/relationship issue not your toddlers fault. Toddlers cry, scream, throw toys and don't sleep, they're mini dictators who are just discovering free will and what they do/don't like, they've not developed empathy yet so they don't know how to care about your feelings but they do love and need you. Your baby and you need to be happy and loved.

DO NOT GIVE UP YOUR HOME

What job does he have that he works 7 days a week? He sounds like he's zero help and is dragging you down he is bullying you by making you feel incompetent and keeping you in his control.
I would get started by enrolling your child in nursery ASAP he is not willing to help so you need to take the steps to improve you and toddlers situation.
Oh and 100% do not give up your home!

Yes I would start by querying this op. No one works 7days a week, is there somewhere else he goes that he calls 'work'?

This with bells on!

This

Are you sure he is at work seven days a week and doesn't have another family?

Your partner is horrible! I'd be feeling low if I was married to him. The nursery should be a non negotiable. You want your life back and he should have no say in this as he isn't looking after your child! OP, put your foot down, you have nothing to lose. Your husband is no loss. If you got depressed, he would blame you for that too. Take care of yourself.

Leave him.
easily said than done.. but you’d get time to yourself and he’d have to step up.

these lazy bastards are everywhere…

Are you married, OP?

You seem very financially vulnerable.

He doesn’t want to come home and help. He wants to police what you say to your Mum so you can’t tell her the truth.

Your partner is a twat.
I second the suggestion above to leave him to look after his child and just leave the house for 24 hours.
But longer term/if that doesn't give him the kick up the arse he needs, you need to boot him out.