To be absolutely fed up of toddler?

[fedupmomm]

I am so fed up of my toddler, I don’t know what else to do.

OH works 7 days a week and does not help me with anything apart from give me money.

Toddler will not eat unless he has something to play with.
Screams constantly all the time when in the high chair.

Refuses to sleep in his cot.
Brushing his teeth is a big battle.

I am just so fed up.
I don’t have any time for myself at all, the last time I went to the hair dressers was in 2023.

OH is just awful and says because I am a mother this is what I signed up for.

Because he has never looked after DC on his own he really does not know or understand how hard it is.

I regret having him so bad and I hate feeling like this.

I don’t have depression I am just fed up, I am tired, I am frustrated from the lack of help and support from OH.

Because I feel like this OH says “Wow you have a beautiful son and you feel like this?”
He just dosent understand.

His life has stayed the same, he works, he see’s his friends, he goes out, he goes on holiday.

Since DC was 8 months old I have asked him to do more, but to no avail.

I just don’t know what to do anymore.
My parents live close and they do see me but I don’t want to ask them for help as they have their own problems with health.

AIBU to feel like this?

He rings up his mates and put there partner on loud speaker and asks them if “do you find it easy looking after a baby?”
Despite their babies being under a year old they reply “yes” which makes me feel like a complete failure.

What the actual...??!! This is insane! OP, I think you've become so used to his manipulative tricks and comments you don't see them for what they are.

Worryingly it sounds like his 'mates' are the same. And their partners join in the bullying /gaslighting of you because they're scared of being the victim themselves.

This is more than male idleness. It is not a good situation for you or your toddler hon.

I wouldn't be surprised if DS was picking up on the atmosphere and reacting to it. I've heard from my own relatives that my brother acted up from a very young age. He was called a 'terror' and it was always seen as his fault - but as an adult, I can see how broken our mum was from our dad's behaviour. It does affect kids, and boys in particular respond with defiance, extreme tantrums, mood swings etc.

All toddlers are like this to some extent of course, but if it's frequent and intense, your son might need help moderating his behaviour. Some useful NHS advice here. I would also consider getting free of this man. Things aren't going to get any better.

But first I'd suggest confiding in your parents. They're probably worried about you and DS anyway, but don't know how to broach the subject. Good luck💐

Don't fall for this sudden change of heart. He just wants to get you where he can control you and it sounds like he wants to get your mum out of the picture.

🇹🇳

Leave him. Keep your place. Do not move in with him. If you do, expect him to do nothing, and potentially to start trying to isolate you from your friends and family.

Honestly a nursery place is the answer.
no way would I be capable of looking after my toddler all day every day and staying sane!!!

your partner is a class A twat and you should bin him off unless you need the money.

seriously - get some childcare for a few
days a week at the least. Everyone would feel as you do in your position. Forget playing at home all the time- it’s not enough for them when they’re toddlers! They need more and nursery gives them that.

Split up with your partner, get a job and put your child in nursery. Your partner is the problem, not your toddler, who sounds like a completely normal toddler.

I think I am eligible for free 15 hours so I will look into applying for that once I find a suitable nursery place.
I'm happy to be corrected, but I think you'd have to be working to be eligible for this.

Sounds like a normal toddler to me, mine is the same and she drives me nuts too! Nursery makes my life easier though and she has fun learning and making friends.
The main problem is your partner, sounds like he is opting out of your family. It is completely unreasonable of him to not help you with raising his child. You deserve better.

Look for a nursery for at least a couple of days a week.

Why don't you look for a job? It would do you good if you are so fed up with taking care of a toddler...I has to be really hard if you don't get help even at the weekend! No wonder you are fed up

‘He rings up his mates and put there partner on loud speaker and asks them if “do you find it easy looking after a baby?”
Despite their babies being under a year old they reply “yes” which makes me feel like a complete failure.’

i think you’ve said this a few times, but you’ve written it as if you think he’s got a valid point because of this. He hasn’t. What he is doing there is nasty, he’s a horrible nasty man. Trying to belittle you, to make you feel bad. And you seem so downtrodden, by him, that you’re second guessing if he’s right or not.

‘That is nasty, Steve. What a nasty thing to do to me. I’ve just told you I’m struggling, so you thought it would be helpful to detail others are y struggling? I’m very happy for them, but it makes no difference to whether I am struggling or not. I am. I need a break because your parenting is pathetic. Would you like me to phone my friend and ask her if her husband also does nothing for his child?’

he is a cunt. And has made friends with similar.

No I don’t. But I think sending a child off with someone who is barely in their life and blatantly incompetent is unfair on the child, whether or not the person is their father. The child is not a pawn in a disagreement between two parents.

ive seen this argument before with lazy
dads, and sometime I agree. But this is a step too far in this family.

Your partner sounds emotionally abusive OP.
No parent can look after a toddler alone 24/7 without getting fed up and needing a break. Toddlers are really hard work.
You need to chuck your partner out and get DS signed up to a nursery with his free childcare hours so you can have a break.
It’s good that your family are supportive, tell them the whole situation so they can help you to get DP to move out.

So what would you suggest then? OP just carries on and gets lower and lower? That’s hardly fair on the child either.
Oh and how do you know he’d be incompetent? The OP says he plays with him and changes nappies. I’d hazard a guess that he’d know what to do, he just can’t be arsed right now!
How will the useless oaf ever understand what it takes to parent a child if he never has to do that and doesn’t walk in the OP’s shoes?
It would be a couple of days. I’m sure the child would be fine with their father!
He’d have to cope if she went into hospital or something.

@fedupmomm

If you have HA property in just your name I honestly think you might be better off separating. You would be eligible for some nursery hours & could get a job to top up your money.

I can’t see any benefit to having DH there. I am wondering where he goes. It seems odd he is never home.

If possible could you get a job and out DC in nursery? My DD was like this and if I had my time again I would do this. Having had 2 more babies since. I do suspect DD was autistic.

would you want to leave your child with a man like this? I wouldn’t . It would be non-stop TV and Pringles

So basically if I put DC in nursery he will reduce my money by 75%.

He really is objecting to DC going to nursery based on safety grounds.

My parents have offered to pay for a childminder which I think is a good compromise.
My parents have also offered to buy me car so I can get out abit more.

OH isn’t happy at all, if anything he seems resllr
jealous that my parents are offering to help.

I have told him I think it’s best we separate as neither of us are happy and I don’t want DC to suffer because of this.

I am very lucky to have this beautiful house.

He is practically bullying me to help him with a deposit for a house in a high crime rate city in the Midlands, I practically live in the countryside now and this is a good place for DC to grow up.

He works 7 days a week so he can buy a house, he says it’s for us but I think it is for himself.
It makes no sense for me to give up this house to move to an expensive city and pay towards a mortgage when I can buy my HA property in a few years at a reduced price.

It can be a weird kind of exhausting caring for a toddler. My husband is at work a LOT, and sometimes we barely see him. If you’re in the house seven days a week it can get kind of suffocating, I take my son out even if just for a walk to the shops and back just for the change of scenery for both of us. We go to NCT baby group sometimes as well to see different faces which helps. I don’t drive so limits us but we manage with buses and walking (and a sturdy toddler carrier).

I’ve had days where nothing pleases him, he won’t nap and is grouchy and just sat with him in his cot while I cried. It’s okay to be overwhelmed, it’s such a transition from the newborn phase where you out them down and they’re safe and nap often and can’t get into mischief.

I would be tempted to go with the previous poster who suggested just upping and going out, so your partner can see it’s not as straightforward as just ‘happy toddler plays and smiles and happily eats dinner without fuss and is very cute’ all day every day. My husband more than helps, he cooks and does housework when he’s not working stupid long hours - but when he had our son so I could work when LO was about 11 months old, he looked so exhausted when he got back. He valued me even more after that, because he realised how full-on it can be at times!

I’d leave your shit of a partner. I think you’ll be less frustrated if you aren’t also looking at a critical non team member, reminding you of all the sexism in the world. Not ha i h the help is something you can get used to, as long as the unhelpful person isn’t still around.

@fedupmomm it sounds like he is controlling you by making sure you get no time to yourself. I understand not wanting to send a baby to nursery - but surely a childminder for a toddler would be fine. Just call his bluff. I’m pretty sure your nursery or childminder place would be free of charge nowadays. So it seems strange to not make use of it.

How would he even know if he works 24/7?

It’s important for toddlers to mix otherwise they don’t learn how to share & take their turn.

Well done you.
Of course he's unhappy at your parents helping, it reduces his power over you! I'm so happy you have supportive parents, it will help you get through this.

You need to get rid of him and get all the support you can from your parents to get on your feet.

With respect, why do you regret and get frustrated with your child and not your partner?

Your toddler is being a toddler. Your partner is being deliberately difficult

Definitely go it alone. It seems like your OH enjoyed seeing you struggle and be dependent on him.
Glad your parents are going to help. Get whatever you can from your partner financially though. Don't let him off the hook. And definitely don't move.

your parents know. They want to help you leave him. Bless them, with their help you can ditch him.

he is NOT fussed about nursery safety. If he said that he must have immediately to hand all his research to show they’re not safe. No? Thats because he doesn’t give a shit. He just doesn’t want you to get out and have a life and talk to people and find out he’s abusive.

DO NOT GIVE UP YOUR HOUSE

You need to kick him out, He's making your life worse and things won't get better if you move to the city.

I think you know the answer to this is to get rid of your abusive twat if a husband